Miss Media: A Road Map to the Entertainment World

The Little Band That Could Is Back!

2010-02-19T16:45:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I saw Tristan Clopet and his amazing band back in June of 2009, but they've never been far from my thoughts. Mostly because I play their debut album, Duende, quite often. I re-read my review of Duende just a couple of days ago and had to smile; with as much praise as I'd heaped upon the album, the words seemed immature and not quite what I wanted them to be. I needed to grow as a writer, more specifically a review writer. And as I looked back on the review and listened to Duende for the nth time, it occurred to me that Tristan Clopet & the Juice also needed to grow into what they needed to be.

When I finally listened to Purple, I couldn't help but feel like the boys were exactly where they needed to be.

Purple, much to my surprise, actually doesn't play through like an EP, but instead stands on its own as LP. Right from the beginning chords of "Proximity Bomb" (which has the most epic opening of a song since Coldplay's 2008 fan favorite, "Viva la Vida" -- and yes, I know, two very different bands and two very different songs, but the sentiment remains the same), I could hear that the music was a little more polished, a little tighter, the band members a little more complementary of each other. Where Duende gave me vague feelings of times and seasons and emotions, Purple thrusts them all into focus and makes them tangible experiences.

"Proximity Bomb", "So Alive" and "Superficiality Is a Sin" were my favorite tracks off the album, with "Proximity Bomb" holding the #1 spot on the album and for me, personally. Aside from the epic opening, which sets the stage for the rest of the album, the lyrics and the beat were at the same time fun, scattered, and incredibly intricately interwoven. The drum solo from 2:17 - 2:27 was a special treat, one to which I have only this to say: Hello, Dan Hammler! "Proximity Bomb" takes a step back from Tristan's signature funk sound into something a bit heavier, a bit more 'rock'. Once again, Tristan & the Juice leave me struggling for a word to somehow sum up their music, and again they prove that there just isn't any label for them.

"So Alive" slides right into play, low-key and surprisingly sensuous, and takes hold rather quickly. It's a throw-back to the power ballads everyone's parents knew and grew up with. My notes on the song actually says 'Kick-ass power ballads are back!', underlined about twenty times. I even cast about for a lighter. There's something simply beautiful about this song that made me want to lie down on a patch of sun-soaked carpet and just bask. Like Duende's "Oceans" and Purple's "Love and a Question", it's a very liquid arrangement, but somehow warmer and weightier.

Returning to the funk sound I first fell in love with, "Superficiality Is a Sin" immediately took me out of my sun-soaked sprawl on the floor and coaxed me back into the mindset I was in when I heard Duende's "Concrete Dreams" and "Your Love Is a Drug": tasting sex and bittersweet musk while being wrapped up in sleazy, wonderful words that flow as easily as any kind of liquor.

"Ethereal Evidence" and "Black Panther Party" were a lot of fun and I had a blast dancing around to them (which I did and I regret nothing), but they were the weakest of the album. I can't quite put my finger on why; there's just something not quite there. I don't want to say 'soulless', because that isn't the case, but a piece was missing and I couldn't connect with them the way I could with the other four.

Regardless, Tristan's voice was made for these songs, the quickly-sung (almost rapped) lyrics that trip and pause and start up again without faltering or stumbling while paired with a voice and musical arrangement so hot that even fire would melt. It's an odd dichotomy that works. Tristan may be the eponymous lead singer, but he would be nothing without his amazing band, and vice versa. The repartee they have with each other is seamless. I remember when I saw them live my friend turned to me and said something about a well-oiled machine. That's not even it. It's like listening to a single entity. They're just perfect for each other, almost to a degree that is truly stupid. Other bands wish they had this level of ease between their members. And if they keep maturing and connecting at this rate, everyone else is going to be left in the dust.

I wanted to end this review with some snappy one-liner before I rated the album, but I couldn't find the words for one. Instead, I found myself thinking that when I first reviewed Duende, Tristan Clopet & the Juice was the little band that could. Now, they're the band that could, did, and will continue to do it.

I can only imagine what else is going to be added to that list when their next album comes out. The mind boggles.

I give Purple 5 out of 5.

Review coming soon...

2009-10-28T21:42:00.002-04:00

I've come to the startling conclusion that lesson plans are the lovechildren of the devil and the Department of Education. One day, they will release their barbed wire-encrusted grip on me and I will be free to have an evening to myself. To read, or finish a screenplay, or go to a concert, or have any semblance of a life.

Until then, I am up to my eyeballs in rationales and ongoing assessments, and the online reviews will have to be put on indefinite hiatus. Not that it matters, since most of you read them in hard copy.

If I have the time, I'll be posting the reviews of Jericho's "Smoke Signals", Season 5 of Supernatural, Season 1 of Glee, my unimpressed thoughts on FlashForward (or, as I call it in my mind, CAN'T DEAL WITH JOSEPH FIENNES'S EMO WHERE'S THE FUCKING REMOTE?!), an incredibly late review of Frightened Rabbit's "The Midnight Organ Flight", and much more!

... If I have time.

Tristan Clopet & the Juice: Live at the All Asia (06.26.09)

2009-06-27T13:33:00.004-04:00

Until June 26, 2009, my 23-year old best friend had never seen a live show.

I know.

Prior to last night, I would take a few minutes out of my day, every week, to check Live Aid and Ticketmaster in hopes of finding a band coming to Boston that I could take my best friend to see. But it never worked out; either she didn't care for the bands playing, or tickets were just too expensive. I was still determined, however, to be the one to take her to see her very first live show.

Then, one day, I received a Facebook message from the lead vocalist of one of my favorite bands, a band whose EP album I'd reviewed a while back, who told me that they were coming to Boston and would love to see me there. It was perfect. Little did I know that it was the CNC Indie Music Marathon, which meant my best friend would be exposed to several bands instead of just the one. It was something I was grateful for. I wanted her to have different sounds to compare, to see different set changes and the multitude of different instruments used. But it made me wonder just who she would be raving about by the night's end.

Unsurprisingly, it was Tristan Clopet & the Juice.

I'm not saying that because I am somewhat biased where this band is concerned, but rather because their sound was superior to the other bands playing. They definitely had competition from New York-based band, The Gypsy West, but still came out on top – as far as my best friend was concerned.

I'm inclined to agree. I spoke with Tristan after the performance and he bemoaned how it had sounded; after all, his admittedly large band had to contend with the little All Asia bar and their less-than-ideal acoustics. However, sometimes it's less about the actual sound and more about stage presence and the rapport a band has with its audience. Tristan Clopet & the Juice was the best of the evening not only because their music was more innovative than any of the other acts', but also because they were down on our level.

The band plays in such a way that it feels almost as if they are playing solely for you. They make eye contact; they smile at you, with you, almost as if you are sharing a joke that only you know. Their dialog with the audience was limited due to time constraints, but it was cheeky and fun, especially during the band member introductions. They were relaxed, comfortable in their skins like they had come out of the womb with their instruments, which made everyone in the bar that night as contented as they. Their songs slid seamless into one another, making it so the air was always filled with some type of music, whether it be the skipping roll of the guitar or an impressive drum solo performed by the entire band.

In addition to having my great expectations met, there were also two surprises for me last night. The first would be the actual band, itself. I had no idea their band and set-up was so large. Two drum sets, complete with bongos, two guitarists, a bassist, and one keyboardist amid a dozen different instruments (although the many drum sets would aid them in their last song, where they went out with a bang). Although their set-up was big, it wasn't a hindrance. All instruments were used, and not one of the band members had a hard time navigating through them. I've seen bands with large set-ups that have the performers practically swimming through them aimlessly; Tristan & the Juice were well-rehearsed and perfectly synchronized. Would they benefit more from playing bigger venues? Definitely, but they didn't let the size of All Asia to hamper them in any way.

The second surprise would be that the band has a new keyboardist, Alejandro Elizondo, who was incredibly impressive. I'm looking at the notes I took last night at the show and the first thing I wrote was "new keyboardist is made of win". It's true. Alejandro isn't just limited to his stellar keyboarding: he also plays guitar and drums – a little one-man band all on his own. It was definitely a good move for an already great band to have added him.

After my best friend got EPs from the other bands playing, as well as a t-shirt, we left All Asia at about 1:30am to make the drive home. Her first words upon entering our car were, "Tristan's band was the best out of anyone we saw, hands down." When I asked her why, she looked at me like I was brain damaged and said, "Because they were playing for us, not at us."

Who can argue with that?

Performance: *****
Music: *****
Presence: *****
Overall: *****

Westboro Baptist Church: Number 1 on God's Shit List

2009-03-20T18:47:00.004-04:00

The Westboro Baptist Church (ie: those crazy people from Kansas) is going to picket Natasha Richardson's funeral.

This is from their "news release":

"Thank God for the Bunny Slope of Cursed Quebec, Canada!
She lived in adultery with Robert Fox (he had a living wife).
She raised her sons in the catholic pedophile whorehouse.
She enabled feces-eating fag beasts by supporting AIDS research.
She had a megaphone; she should have done her duty, to love her neighbor; but she hated her neighbor, so she failed to warn them not to be proud sinners."

It's just kind of funny, because God facebooked me six hours before and said he was going to come down and picket the WBC.

It's unfortunate that there are people like this still around, passing their message of hate onto their kids and their kids' kids.

But look on the bright side! It's only a matter of time before evolution weeds them out.

Source (Don't click it if you can help it)

Fuck.

2009-03-18T22:24:00.005-04:00

R.I.P. Natasha Richardson

(1963-2009)

You will be missed.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (The "Watchmen" review)

2009-03-10T17:55:00.007-04:00

The above question was first asked by the Roman poet Juvenal, which translates to "who watches the watchmen?" or "who guards the guardians?" Socrates also was asked the question, and in Plato's The Republic, his answer is simple: they will guard themselves against themselves.

But the real question is, who will guard me against mediocrity?

I have a soft spot for Watchmen. The graphic novel, that is. It really opened doors for me, showed me how unconventional fiction can be, how the structure isn't always limited to simple words and paragraphs, but can unfold right before your eyes. I remember finishing it for the first time, about six years ago, breathless and shaking and refusing to believe it was over. This, I thought, is the Great Modern Novel everyone's always talking about, right here in my hands, all 416 pages of it.

When they announced a film adaptation, I was psyched for a split second before I realized that they were going to allow an industry that doesn't believe in making films for the sheer art of it to film an unfilmable subject.

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled with the film.

Yes, to the haters who will probably hunt me down and firebomb my car, it was practically panel-for-panel. But that can limit a film, especially when you're also lifting dialog that just doesn't translate well from the page to the screen. Rorschach's narration was awkward and unbelievable at times. Each scene worked if you viewed them individually, but not as a whole. The direction and flow of the movie was so disjointed that I actually stopped caring at one point. Cohesion? Why would you ever need that in a film?

Don't even get me started on the laughable soundtrack. Or the uncomfortable sex scene (which Zach Snyder seems to just LOVE putting in his films... Remember 300?). I was disappointed in the lack of character development, too.

There were some character changes that I just didn't enjoy. One of which being Rorschach's coherence. In the novel, he's rather... um, fucking insane? Is that the word I'm looking for? Yes, I do believe it is.

I also didn't enjoy how sinister Veidt was. In the novel, he always seemed at least a little human, but in the movie he really came off as cold and calculating. Even his rationale about the detonation and the resulting fallout was just so... inhuman. I was really upset that the "I did it!!" scene from the novel never made it in, since it was such an emotional reaction. But sacrifices must be made in the transition from page to film.

Dr. Manhattan's character was changed, too. And he was also hung like a friggin' draft horse.

However, errors and bad decisions aside, the casting was rather brilliant, Jackie Earle Haley and Matthew Goode in particular. Both slipped into their roles with frightening ease and really stole the show. Patrick Wilson, who is a fantastic actor, really sold me as Nite Owl II, not afraid to show the audience that boyish charm and conscience that we see in the novel. However, it was Carla Gugino as Silk Spectre I and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian who really captured my attention. Casting JDM was a stroke of pure genius -- he's exactly as I pictured The Comedian in my head, right down to the jaunty gait and his smoke-over-gravel voice. Ms. Gugino shone as the aging hero, the bitter quirk to her lips telling of a lifetime of unhappy stories and countless disappointments. She was fantastic.

My only qualms were with Malin Akermann and Billy Crudup as Silk Spectre II and Dr. Manhattan, respectively. Akermann definitely had the look down, but I couldn't stand her. Her acting was dry and lifeless, and she showed no facial expressions whatsoever. Even after learning a very important secret, there was no emotion. I watched her, thinking, "Fortunately Snyder wanted no reaction from her in this movie". As far as Crudup goes... I don't know what it was, but he rubbed me the wrong way. Which is funny, because I'd normally let that man rub me however he wants. I just don't think he was right for the part, although he definitely looked like Ostermann, pre-accident.

The opening credits left me breathless, though. I thought they were absolutely perfect and will probably go down in history as the best of their kind. Kudos, yU+Co Design & Animation!

Overall, the film kept me rather detached throughout and I didn't actually leave satisfied as so many Watchmen fans did. Which is a shame, because I really wanted to. That being said, as many faults as it has, I think this is as good of an adaptation as we'll ever get.

The unfilmable film still remains as such.

I give Watchmen 3.5 out of 5.

T-1000 in "Terminator 5"?

2009-03-03T21:37:00.003-05:00

Seems so, kids! Fan-favorite Robert Patrick is in talks to play a scientist in Terminator 5, which would be ALL TOO COOL BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO BE IN EVERY MOVIE EVER.

"I like the idea in a prospective next picture that you meet Robert Patrick the way he looks today, and he’s a scientist that’s working on improving cell replication so we can stay healthier and we can cure juvenile diabetes and all these things that once again sound like good ideas — and once again live as an idealized expression of ourselves. So imagine seeing a sixty-year-old Robert Patrick and knowing, ‘Holy shit! That’s gonna be the T-1000 – who comes back perfect, lean and the whole thing.’ I haven’t concluded that, but Robert and I had dinner the other night and talked about it."

Maybe they'll end the franchise with 5. Or maybe McG will beat it to death. Either way, ROBERT PATRICK!!

Source

Hollywood Needs a Shot of Originality, Part II

2009-03-02T19:14:00.004-05:00

Matt Reeves (Cloverfield) is remaking Tomas Alfredson's hit, Let The Right One In. You know, the Swedish vampire film that came out LAST YEAR?

This is ridiculous. Is nothing safe? Is nothing sacred?

IS THERE NO INTEGRITY LEFT AMONG HOLLYWOOD'S DIRECTORS?

Discuss.

Source
Source
Source

Hollywood Needs a Shot of Originality

2009-03-01T12:46:00.007-05:00

I've been working up to this for a long time, ever since I started keeping a tally on all of the announcements on Oh No They Didn't. A very long time. When The Fugitive was one of them, I could feel myself boiling over. And then The Neverending Story joined the list and I exploded all over the fucking walls.

About five minutes ago, I compiled a list of remakes, sequels, and adaptations that just SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. I understand that some movies need to be remade because they were so horrible the first time, but seriously? Can't we let masterpieces be?

The answer is, of course, no. Because Hollywood is run by a bunch of pansies who are too afraid to try something new, so they enlist writers (and they're all a bunch of sell-outs for going along with this) to make "reboots" of franchises with nary a care for respecting some of the movies they're ~~murdering~~ remaking.

For those who are protesting my words because they loved the remake of The Amityville Horror just so fucking much, let me ask you: would you remake The Fugitive, nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture and winner of Best Actor (Tommy Lee Jones, 1993)? I'm hoping your answer is no. What about My Fair Lady, Audrey Hepburn's most famous film and winner of 8 Oscars including Best Picture and Director? How about the Japanese fan-favorite, Battle Royale?

Well, guess what? They're ALL being remade! Mm, makes you die a little inside, doesn't it?

It's not just remakes, either. As I'm sure you've noticed, they're churning out sequels and adaptations faster than I can type this rant. Remember when everyone went up in arms about the Donnie Darko sequel, S. Darko? They didn't stop there. You can add Tron 2 and Monsters Inc. 2 to that list. Yes, that's right. Pixar's jumping on the sequel-making bandwagon, although you can expect cinematic gold from them (Toy Story 2 was a hit and possibly better than the first one, but will Toy Story 3, due out in 2010, be as good?).

Video Games, classic novels, and old TV shows have been adapted for the big screen ever since Ang Lee had the brilliant idea to take The Incredible Hulk and turn it into suck. This was soon followed by video game adaptations of Hitman, Street Fighter, and the upcoming Tekken. For those fans of Jane Austen's work and have enjoyed the adaptations of Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma, I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear that an adaptation of Pride and Prejudice is being made... with the Predator aliens. No, you read that right.

There are some adaptations I'm looking forward to, such as Max Brooks's World War Z, but there are some things that should stay as they are. Like, Twilight. Should it have been made into a movie? Absolutely not. A shitty book series can only beget shitty movies.

But Hollywood doesn't even seem to be trying anymore. It's as if all of the good ideas stopped as soon as 1997 came and went. The 1970's were prime and produced some of the best movies ever made. But the 2000s have only proven that Old Hollywood is over and this new commercialized Hollywood will only kill movies as we know it.

Look at the new Dragonball movie and tell me I'm wrong.

So, I think it's time for a whole new generation of writers to set things straight. More studios need to pick up indie films to balance out the shit that is being thrust into the theaters. It's all about money now, not the art.

Hollywood needs a shot of originality; someone get me a syringe.

Remakes (Recent and Upcoming):
- The Neverending Story
- The Fugitive
- My Fair Lady
- A Nightmare on Elm Street
- Hellraiser
- Total Recall
- Clue
- The Last House on the Left
- Battle Royale
- Race to Witch Mountain
- Wolfman
- Day of the Triffids

Upcoming Sequels:
- Scream 4
- Cloverfield 2
- Monsters Inc. 2
- Toy Story 3
- Little Fockers
- Tron 2
- Donnie Darko 2 (S. Darko)

Adaptations
- Pride and Predator (I seriously am not kidding)
- Dragonball
- Tekken
- Avatar: The Last Airbender
- Blood: The Last Vampire
- Halloween 2
- The A-Team

Sources:
The Neverending Story remake
The Fugitive remake

Cautious Chemists: Providing the Soundtrack to the Subconscious

2009-02-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

The small snippet of their work that we’re given on their Myspace page makes it very clear that the Cautious Chemists are presenting us with the soundtrack to the subconscious. Their playlist yields four songs, and only one of them plays just over three minutes, leaving us with fragments of words and sound that are startlingly easy to piece together. They do so much with so little.

Brian Leak (vocals/bass) and Bryan Layne (guitar/vocals), or B² as I'm calling them in my head, bring an experimental sound that makes me feel as though I'm in a dream, or in that place between asleep and awake, listening to vague whispers in the next room. "Sailing", the longest song on the playlist, plays out the role of the ocean, late morning, on a calm day. I'm very much a visual listener, so I sat back in my chair and soaked up the overly-bright sun provided for me by the hypnotic strings of the guitar and the soft vocals of (I'm guessing) Brian. It's not so much a song as it is a quiet, unassuming experience.

This review is, unfortunately, short due to the lack of other songs and information about the band, but I hope it will encourage others to go take a listen. It won't take long, but it will definitely stay with you.

Tristan Clopet & The Juice: Best Upcoming Band in the History of Ever?

2009-02-26T21:41:00.002-05:00

When I was first contacted by Tristan Clopet & The Juice, for some reason I thought, “This’d better not be another Christian rock group. How do these people find me?”

Luckily, they weren’t a Christian rock group. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a Christian rock group.

After listening to “Concrete Dreams”, the first song on their debut album Duende, I was intrigued. Then “End of an Era” began and I was sold. Although they claim to be Alt/Funk/Ghettotech, I found so much more in their music. In a world full of poseurs and mediocrity, I was pleasantly surprised to hear such a unique sound. They transcend genres, world regions, and times, bringing Spanish-esque guitar riffs and 70’s funk together to create something that makes me long for the hot, rolling haze of summer. I tasted sex and caught the bitter-sweet smell of musk throughout the seductive “Your Love is a Drug”, a throwback to the sounds of Soul.

But there’s a startling emotional honesty about their music, a wisdom far beyond their years that really makes me wonder if this is really their first album. This kind of caliber of music-making is not what you’d expect to find among a group of newcomers. I went in expecting amateurs and instead came out wondering how the hell they were going to top this. Because this? This is quite literally amazing.

Tristan Clopet croons as lead vocalist, possessing a voice that will literally leave you shivering where you stand and wishing that the days of Blues and Soul were still with us. The Juice (comprised of Phil Mullerschoen - drums, Colin Veit - bass, Sean Skelton - that oh, so sexy guitar, and frequenter Rich Chwastiak - percussion) complement Clopet’s vocals beautifully, seamlessly flowing all around him like music ought to. There are far too many vocalists who are at war with their other band members, all vying to be heard; Clopet and Co. are not among them.

Tristan Clopet & The Juice dare to be innovative while paying homage to the giants that have come before them, making for a fantastic debut. I only hope that they’ll make their way up to ....Boston.... sometime in the future. With talent like this, touring can’t be too far away.

I give Duende (EP) 5 out of 5.

Recommended Downloads: “Your Love is a Drug”, “Let It Go”, “Oceans”

"Almost Like Being In Love": There's nothing 'almost' about it!

2009-02-18T14:30:00.003-05:00

So, a professor told me (that's right. A PROFESSOR. As in, people in positions of authority read my expletive-laden blog) that I ought to do a post about my favorite book. Because, well, why not?

I tore through my small library, searching for the one book that touched me like no other. I could have chosen the Gaiman-Pratchett corroboration, "Good Omens", but it seemed to obvious. Or I could have picked my childhood love, "A Wind in the Door" by Madeleine L'Engle, but it didn't seem to fit the mindset of this post. But I thought of my Young Adult Literature class from last week where my professor told us about a book that listed the best 500 or so YA novels by category and genre. A fantastic idea, thought I, until my professor finished off with "But there was no LBGT category".

And that? That really steams my clams.

So today's post is going to be dedicated to one of the funniest and heart-warming books I've read in the last ten years. And yes, it's LBGT-themed. Don't like it? Well, Jesus will probably skip over you during the Second Coming for being a small-minded douche.

I'm not entirely sure how I came upon Almost Like Being In Love. I don't remember anyone recommending it to me, or hearing about it on any book lists. Hell, it was probably one of those times when I was browsing the Fiction section in Barnes and Noble and happened upon it by accident. By the novel's non-descript cover, one wouldn't assume too much about it.

By page 2, I was hooked. By page 7, I was laughing out loud. Seriously. Everyone says LOL, but no one actually is LOL'ing. I was. In fact, I was LMAO.

I'm hip.

Almost Like Being In Love is an epistolary novel (told in notes, letters, emails, etc) about a very unlikely pair, Craig the all-star jock and Travis the Broadway-obsessed nerd, who fall in love during high school, spend a summer together in New York City, then part ways when they go to separate colleges. Twenty years later, Travis is a nutjob professor who thinks Tom Sawyer and The Bill of Rights have something in common, and Craig is partner of law firm McKenna & Webb and happily settled down with his boyfriend of 14 years, Clayton. After a slew of disappointments, Travis wakes up and realizes that Craig was THE one and embarks on a cross-country journey to find him and win him back.

Still not convinced? Any book that has such winning lines as "Why didn't somebody tell me she was a gynecologist?! Do you know how it looked?! Nine pregnant women in the waiting room, and I'm up at reception holding my stomach and moaning! "What trimester are you in, sir?" Fuck you, lady!" deserves a closer look!

Steve Kluger's writing, as seen in his other novels ("Changing Pitches", "Last Days of Summer"), is smart, witty and unfailingly charming. His characters are three-dimensional, genuine, and HILARIOUS. I really, really wish I were friends with these people. Especially Gordo -- you guys will LOVE Gordo.

I can't say more without giving the story away, but Almost Like Being In Love is a fantastically funny and sweet story that will make you wonder if there might actually be something to all that "true love" business.

I give Almost Like Being In Love 5 out of 5.

Sex With Strangers: Giving Canada Sex Appeal Since 2006

2009-02-15T11:24:00.001-05:00

I’m never entirely sure what my music preferences are, as they change on a nearly-constant basis. However, it takes a lot to really grab my attention beyond a fleeting fancy. That being said, Canadian band Sex With Strangers not only refuses to let my attention go, but they’re holding it for ransom. Since I’m a poor college student, it doesn’t look like I’m going to be free of them for a long time.

Sex With Strangers (myspace.com/sexwithstrangers) is hard to categorize. Are they pop? Are they rock? Are they pop-rock? Are they electronica? New wave? Are they my new favorite word, rocktronica? I, personally, have no idea. They claim to be “robot rock”. If that’s the case, the future’s looking pretty damn spectacular.

Their first full-length album, The Modern Seduction paints a vivid picture of a futuristic dystopia, all sharp angles and sheets of steel, in which the ruling class and the rebels clash. Or at least that’s what I got out of it. The album is fantastic – I couldn’t stop listening to it. I swayed my way through “The Modern Seduction”, I bounced through the endlessly fun “Dance Commander”, and rocked out to the loud and fabulous “Downtown Fever”. The album culminates with “New Persuader”, a tune that sounds like the lovechild of Eurythmics and Duran Duran and will leave you with your toe tapping and your mouth stretched into a huge grin.

For a pop/rock/pop-rock/electronic/new wave/rocktronic band, their lyrics are surprisingly insightful. After the 3rd time I listened to “Dance Commander”, by far their most peppy song on the album, I really started to listen to the words. You can’t go wrong with lyrics like ‘It’s a long way from high fashion / everyone waits while the formers take action / the silence is coming tonight’.

All in all, for a first full-length compilation, it’s phenomenal. My only complaint is that The Modern Seduction is so recent, which means I’m going to have to wait a while for their next one.

I give The Modern Seduction 5 out of 5.

Alternative Ulster: Salem State's Best Kept Secret

2009-02-10T21:36:00.004-05:00

It's hard for someone like me to find new music. I hate most of the new music that comes out, and the radio stations I enjoy play only classic rock or oldies. When the Jonas Brothers made the cover of Rolling Stone, I was just about ready to give up altogether.

Fortunately, I took a rather drab class with a rather fantastic individual. Said person happens to DJ a radio show on Tuesdays, from 9-12pm, called "Radio Ulster". Dan Forest helms an amazing little gig, playing everything from my beloved classic rock to indie to folk to punk to hard rock, not to mention whatever his listeners request. Forest's tastes are so eclectic that every listener will walk away satisfied, and possibly a bit spoiled.

I've discovered more songs and bands than I can name within the last few weeks alone. Alternative Ulster has become the staple of my Tuesdays, and the music I glean from the program usually tends to get me through the week.

Forest, himself, is a decent host. His music knowledge is second-to-none, and during his speaking segments he will definitely educate those who need it. I've learned quite a lot about the singers and bands he plays, everything from their roots in the music industry to concert dates to fun little tidbits that somehow bring it all together. My only complaint is that Forest sometimes doesn't seem all that confident in his abilities as a DJ. However, I think he has some great potential to take his little show to new heights, should he choose to up his enthusiasm level. Maybe if he takes a shot of pure espresso before every show...?

Anyway, should you be in need of some good music, both old and new, Alternative Ulster is where you ought to tune in.

Listen to Dan Forest on Alternative Ulster 91.7FM on Tuesdays, 9-12pm.

http://www.wmwmonline.com/
http://www.wmwmonline.com/
http://www.wmwmonline.com/

Twilight: Coldly calculated to pander to your shrieking demographic

2009-02-09T16:42:00.009-05:00

AHHHH! DO NOT WANT. D:

It was brought to my attention today in Classics II, during a discussion about why Teri Hatcher should be cast as Sin in any adaptation of Paradise Lost, that I should make a blog and rant about the ubiquitous "Twilight" series.

Ten steps ahead of you.

"Twilight" came to my attention in 2006, when the "Harry Potter" series was close to ending and I was looking for something to read that would satisfy my inner twelve-year old. Some friends of mine told me that they were reading this great book series about vampires and I should really check it out. So, forgetting that some of these people thought "X-Men 3" was cinematic gold, I went out and bought the first book. Because I am an idiot.

I got to page 60 before throwing it across the room. And promptly bringing it back to Barnes and Noble. Where the clerk on duty and I subsequently burned it behind the store. True story.

This series proves that publishing houses will do ANYTHING for a dollar, up to and including putting out a series that not only gives teenage girls the impression that guys are really like that, but also takes the English language and SETS IT ON FIRE.

Have all the other writers died? Is that what this is? There's no one left, so we have to publish the drivel that's still lying around?

"Twilight" is about an annoying girl named Bella (of course) and the teenage vampire with whom she falls in love. During the span of four books, we have a virgin vampire (which is an oxymoron, because all vamps are giant sluts) that can walk around IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, crazy vampire enemies, werewolves (because why the hell not?), love triangles, a hellspawn, and a white wedding.

Also during the four books, we have a main character who sets the Women's Movement back about 75 years, a vapid love interest I would stake in a heartbeat, another love interest whose presence I frankly can't understand, a plot so convoluted that I stopped reading and had to put my head between my knees and wait for the braincells to regenerate, and an author in need of an afternoon of electroshock.

For those of you playing the home game, Twilight is brought to you by Stephanie Meyer, crazy Mormon extraordinaire. Hell, that she's a Mormon is purely incidental in this case! But the fact that she's crazy remains a FACT. She's 27, still lives with her parents, and is the biggest child I've ever seen. Everything she says and does makes me seriously wonder if she's ever left the comfort of her mall-goth bedroom and gone outside.

** On one memorable occasion, a fan asked Ms. Meyer if Edward (the vapid virgin vamp) goes a bit stir-crazy whenever Bella gets her period. Because blood is the ONLY source of sustenance for a vampire, and Bella is his twu wuv. I, personally, think it's a very valid question. And Ms. Meyer's response?

"Eww! That is so gross! I can't believe you'd ask me that! You should probably leave."

What kind of CHILD shuts down a fan like that?**

And the fans of these books are INSANE. It pains me to admit that my sister is one of them, proving that I have not only failed in my duties as an older sister, but also as a future English teacher. Has anyone ever tried talking to a "Twilight" fan? My best friend's sister is a HUGE fan and every time she talks to me about Edward Cullen, all I can think is, "Fuck. I don't have enough breadcrumbs to get home."

And desecrating the written word wasn't enough, but they had to go and make a movie adaptation. My best friend saw it and said that if they'd muted the whole thing, it would've been good. And they got the most unpleasant, blank-eyed potheads to play the leading roles. Way to go, Goldcrest Pictures.

Unfortunately, as it has been made clear to me, I am in the minority when it comes to hating these books. Maybe 1 out of 10 people are rational individuals who understand where I'm coming from. The other 9 watch "Lord of the Rings" as if it were a documentary.

I'm not entirely sure how to end this rant, because trying to wrap my mind around the success of this series normally causes blood to shoot out my nose. But understand that I've been writing all of my life. I was a creative writing major for two years, studying under some of the best writing professors the country has to offer. I'm a semester away from doing my student-teaching in England, and I have a 3.8 GPA. I'd like to think I know what bad literature looks like.

And from here? It looks like "Twilight".

http://shinga.deviantart.com/art/Head-Trip-Twilight-Sucks-85504254

The "Revolutionary Road" review (or the one in which R.C. wants to KILL herself)

2009-02-02T21:08:00.004-05:00

Every once in a while, two amazing actors will come together for what is purported to be the film of the year. So, naturally I nipped over to the theater, desperate to taste the fruition of 11 years. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, together again. There's no way you'd walk out disappointed. Or suicidal.

My ticket to Revolutionary Road should have come with a revolver.

I don't remember the last time I ever walked out of a movie so incredibly depressed. The audience filed out of the theater in complete silence to the soundtrack of the soft piano that played alongside the rolling credits. They called it Revolutionary Road. I called it A Nightmare on Elm Street, because I wanted to KILL MYSELF after watching it.

The film was based on Richard Yates's novel of the same title, and as far as I can tell stayed true to the source. According to those who have read it, the book was just as bleak as the movie. Even Yates agrees. In the October 1999 issue of the Boston Review, Yates was quoted on his central theme: "If my work has a theme, I suspect it is a simple one: that most human beings are inescapably alone, and therein lies their tragedy."

Um, wow. Excuse me while I go HANG MYSELF from the light fixture.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am all for sad. Sad is great! Hell, I use it more than I ought to in my writing. But this? This was bleak. This was worse than bleak: this was hopelessly empty. THEY EVEN SAID IT IN THE MOVIE!! While I can appreciate a dressing down of the fluffy portrait that the 50's painted, I can't deal with films that claim to have a purpose. This film had no such thing. It was just one incredibly long piece of total and complete OSCARBATION. (Although I'm feeling a bit vindicated, as it was not nominated for an Academy Award for Best Film.)

However, Leo and Kate do not disappoint as Frank and April Wheeler, a pencil-pusher and a failed actress. Both are at the top of their game, and their relationship will put you through the wringer. The ending scenes will literally leave you broken, as shattered as one of Kate's shiny ceramic dishes. And you will never look at rubber tubing the same way again. There is a sense of extreme awkwardness that permeates their relationship, despite their best efforts.

The one character I really enjoyed was Michael Shannon's John Givings, a once-brilliant mathematician who is in and out of a mental institution. Having endured 37 electroshock treatments he's forgotten all his math. However, he is blunt and does not abide by the unspoken conduct rule of that time, asking explicit questions and revealing the ugly truths about marriage, and the Wheelers, themselves. His performance was amazing and he totally deserves his Oscar nom.

But the successes of the film do not outweigh the failures. It was long, it was draggy, it served no purpose, and its conclusion felt far too forced and abrupt. I realize that it was working off of the novel, so perhaps my issues lie with Yates.

Either way, I would suggest popping a couple of Zoloft before seeing this film. You'll need it.

I give Revolutionary Road 2.5 out of 5.

"Wow. I'm seeing my wrists in a whole new light."

It's happening. Oh, it's HAPPENING! Zack is coming!!!

2008-12-05T20:06:00.003-05:00

::convulses with joy::

http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/12/04/world-war-z-will-be-a-huge-scale-zombie-movie/

Marc Forster, I don't care if you're a crazy action!movie director who butchered the Bond franchise with Quantum of Solace. I'm willing to overlook that. But if you fuck up this movie, so help me... I'll be on you faster than a mob of zombies after a school bus full of trapped kids.

Tempest Ardor (The review of SSC's performance of William Shakespeare's "The Tempest")

2008-11-21T14:00:00.016-05:00

As soon as I turned the key in the ignition, I let my car run for a while in the Peabody Hall parking lot at Salem State and attempted to create some sort of order to the chaos that had taken residence in my head. I sat in silence, trying to compose the opening of this review so that I might start it upon getting home, but every time I would grasp on a coherent thought it would slip away. My car ran for a while, needless to say.

I loved the theater department's adaptation of it. I did. I thought it was absolutely brilliant. The acting was incredible, the sound effects were appropriate and resonated in the small spiritual part of me, and the set blew me away. However, I couldn't help but have trouble reconciling it with the play I'd read and picked apart in class and on my own. It was almost as if there were two plays, one by Shakespeare and one by the SSC drama department, both carrying the same characters, plot, and message. As if it was incidental that they both should be called The Tempest.

The differences between the two came down to tone and mood. When I first read The Tempest, I never found much light-heartedness to it. It was a solemn read about forgiveness and retribution, not to mention colonization, but the tone always seemed so somber to me. However, actually seeing it performed with such enthusiasm and humor made it seem like a totally different play. Even something simple as tone made all the difference. I enjoyed both versions, the solemn prose of it on paper and the sweet airiness on stage.

But enough about that. Onto the actual review.

The very first thing that struck me (other than how uncomfortable the seats were) was the set. Whoever was in charge of set direction deserves a fruit basket the size of the sandy cliff they created. It looked as if a small portion of the base of the cliffs of Dover had been broken off and transported to Main Stage, where flawlessly-created rocks and real sand were scattered around it. Not once did I think to myself, "Wow. That's shoddy." I've seen shoddy sets. This, however... It was strong, sturdy and frighteningly beautiful for a college production.

And while the music and lighting were on-cue and added to the show, it was (of course) the acting that really made my breath catch.

First and foremost, there was Jaime Slatt as the spirit Ariel. I had seen Slatt in one play previous to this and while her performance was decent, it wasn't memorable for me. However, her performance this time around will stick with me every time I see her in other roles and every time I read The Tempest. She was absolutely out of this world. Every movement, every inflection in her words, every smile, every conniving wink was executed with grace and professionalism and joy. Slatt sloughed off her own skin and stepped into that of a faerie, flouncing and practically soaring across the stage, laughing and grinning all the while. There wasn't a single moment that I wasn't completely on board with her role. She stole the show.

I hadn't heard of Brian Sergant until I saw the playbill and made a moue of interest at the fact that Mr. Sergant is from New Zealand. I mentioned in a review of some movie or TV show that all of the best actors come from overseas. This is no exception. The first thing that I noticed about Sergant was his presence onstage. He had complete command over himself, the other actors, and the audience. I fell under his thrall right from the get-go and hung on every word that dripped from his lips like a fine wine, delivered like a true monarch, all tumbling trills and fluid form. He sounded and acted as an exiled ruler might, indignant yet retaining the utmost regality. It was a beautiful thing to behold and I can only hope that New Zealand will send over 200 more just like him so that we might break the mediocrity we've come to rely on when it comes to entertainment in America.

Mike Zuccolo is, apparently, a newcomer to the Salem State stage and what a debut he made! I had a small talk with Patricia Buchanan about his portrayal of Caliban and we both agreed that it was nothing short of phenomenal. He was crude, "uncivilized", and so earnest in his endeavors to be free of Prospero's hold that you couldn't help but pity him. When I read The Tempest, I held nothing but disinterest in his excuses and devilish actions, but Zuccolo actually made me sympathize with him. I walked away from his performance with a grin and a modicum of sadness in my heart.

Oh, Joe Coppellotti and Andrew Mattox II. My dynamic duo. While I've never seen Coppellotti perform previous to this, I did have the good fortune to see Mattox II in Twelve Angry Jurors last year and it was his performance that stuck with me -- I can still see him in my mind as Juror #10, trembling with the force of his rage and so steadfast in his rather violent convictions, body cooking in the sweltering heat (both figurative and literal), until he ended the show as a broken man. He was just as fantastic then as he is as Antonio. However, his performance relied on that of Coppellotti's, both taking part in an odd symbiosis that would have broken down had one of them faltered; one could not have worked without the other. These two fine actors brought a bit of something new to the play, at least for me: sarcasm. Every time they spoke, even while plotting the deaths of the members of their party, their words were caked in it. It was a genuine touch that also made me sympathize with them. I'd read both Antonio and Sebastian to be cunning and dark would-be assassins, but their portrayal made me see them as men, desperate for power. And the expression of abject horror on Antonio's face upon seeing Prospero alive? Priceless.

The other winning couple, Robert Savage and Tony Rossi, were HILARIOUS. I've never enjoyed watching two drunk people so much in my life. Their raucous humor and crazy antics brought the show to dazzling heights, proving once again that Shakespeare's words can hold meaning for everyone of all generations so long as the right people are delivering the lines.

Hannah Cranton in her final performance at SSC was beautiful. She was beautiful as Miranda, the ingénue of the island, who falls in love with the rather dashing Ferdinand (Ricardo Martins). While Cranton played up her character's wholesomeness and naiveté, Martins played Ferdinand as the hopeful suitor, undergoing Prospero's tests without so much as a peep. That wishful demeanor showed in Martins's face (I was close enough to see) and how desperate he was to be able to hold Miranda's hand without fear of censure. It was sweet without being saccharine and undeniably romantic.

All of the minor characters were great (the three goddesses were amazing), but out of all of them Nicole Leostakos's Gonzalo was superb. I was rather impressed with the way she carried herself like a portly man, the way her voice never cracked on her baritone, and the blinding passion that infused her every word. Her Gonzalo reminded me of an uncle that you never get to see often but never leave his side when he does finally come to visit. I'm sad to see her leaving SSC, because that means I won't get to see her in anything else.

All of this and more came together in a gelignite-covered play that left the audience either in stitches or totally enraptured. There is something magical about seeing a play this well put together on opening night and I am overwhelmingly positive that the feeling will resound from now until the end of its run in December.

Thank you to the cast and crew of The Tempest for such a memorable night. And I apologize for coughing so much -- I'm getting over a cold.

Salem State College's production of The Tempest is running until December 7th. Tickets are $15 for the general public, $10 for a student ID or for seniors, and FREE for SSC students (with ID). No one has an excuse to miss this.

I give SSC's The Tempest 5 out of 5.

Celebrity, and why that word is stupid

2008-11-14T19:11:00.005-05:00

Once upon a time, yours truly went to NYC to see Suddenly Last Summer, starring Blythe Danner, Gale Harold, and Carla Gugino. The play wasn't good, but my friends and I waited at the stage door nonetheless to catch a glimpse of the actors.

It was cold, rainy, and I could feel it rattling in my lungs, but no one else seemed to pay heed to the weather conditions. They clamored to get as close to the barrier rope as possible, all of them praying for the chance to see Gale Harold, who eventually emerged in an unfashionable ensemble that I mentally picked apart, just as I would anyone else.

I, too, went up, mostly because he and I had the same hat. And while the other girls cooed and tittered over him, we struck up a short, normal conversation full of sarcasm but graciousness. I was pleasant, so was he, and that was that.

My friends forbade me to ever talk to another celebrity again because I "did it wrong".

I've thought long and hard about this. My feelings haven't changed. Sure, I have my celebrity crushes (Nathan, Sean, Cate, and David Tennant), but I recognize these people as simply that: people.

Acting isn't what it used to be. Back when Hollywood was emerging, acting was about the art. It was about emotion, passion, pushing your body to its absolute limit so it might show up on the brand new Technicolor film. It was Marlon Brando, screaming in the streets. It was Anne Bancroft, a goddess seducing a teenager. It was Fred and Ginger, dancing on pockets of romance and night. These actors and actresses were humble, genuine, and unafraid to take risks.

Now, it's a status symbol. One celebrity can shut down an entire terminal of an airport upon arrival. Malls close for them. Normal, everyday people trip over themselves just to see them, will spend absorbent amounts of money to meet them.

Doesn't anyone realize that acting is simply a job for these celebrities? That's what it all comes down to, at least for me. This is their job, their occupation. Their job is to entertain, just as it's your co-worker's job to make sure there are cover sheets on your TPS reports, just as it's your boss's job to keep you in line and make sure you're not wanking to internet porn during company hours. But you don't see paparazzi lining the elevator when your superior comes into work in the morning, nor do you see restaurants and department stores giving things away for free just because your neighbor, the accountant; the teacher; the cashier walked through the door. Acting is their job -- granted, it's one of the coolest jobs to have, but it's still a job.

I don't go crazy over celebrities because they're regular people. So the next time you see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie walking down the street together, leave them alone. You don't harass other complete strangers for living their lives. Extend celebrities the same courtesy.

It's just a job, people. Just a job.

I'm a little late on this, I know, so shut up (A review on the fictional novel, "World War Z")

2008-11-09T16:51:00.004-05:00

It's about time I started reviewing books. Ever since I started this blog (and I use the term lightly), I really haven't had the time to sit down and read a good book. Then after an influx of recommendations and threats that I was committing crimes against humanity by not reading it (because apparently I was the only one left on the planet who hadn't read it), I decided to pick up Max Brooks's World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War.

I know what you're thinking: "A zombie novel? Seriously?"

Seriously.

At first I was like, "I hope I didn't just shell out $15 bucks for a dud." And then I read the first page. I looked up and it was suddenly, like, three hours later and I was half-way done with the book. I couldn't put it down after that. Everywhere I went, it came with me. If I went to school, so did it. If I had two minutes before class started, out it came. If I brought it out to read in the cafeteria between classes, people I'd never seen before would come up to me and tell me what a fantastic book it was. To which I would say, "Um, fucking duh, I haven't lost interest."

Max Brooks is the brains behind the hilarious Zombie Survival Guide, a comprehensive collection of survival strategies and how-to-use-such-and-such-weapon should you find yourself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. However, WWZ is much darker and serious in nature.

The story is told as the name says: an oral history. It's broken into three sections: the outbreak, who's to blame, and the aftermath; almost like an epistolary novel, it's told through first-accounts by the survivors, including military personnel, civilians, doctors, and a whole mess of others.

And let me tell you, no zombie movie that's ever been released has encompassed this much thought and detail, not to mention the bone-chilling reality that no country, government, or single individual is prepared for the horror of something of this magnitude. Which is essentially what the novel's underlying message is: we aren't prepared. If anything like this happened, all pretenses would be dropped and we would see exactly what humanity is: a cowardly and pissy child that refuses to take responsibility for its actions.

The characters that Brooks has created are fantastic, mostly because they're real. They're flawed, they're uncertain, and they're undeniably human. Some of the stories that these people tell will sit with you for days.

But even as the novel demonstrates how humanity really is the lowest race on the planet, it also shows how amazing we can be once we pull our heads out of our asses.

World War Z has fast become one of my favorite books of all time. If the Massachusetts Education Frameworks would allow it, I'd totally teach this book. There's a lot to be learned from it.

Either way, I give World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War 5 out of 5.

Oh, and a movie adaptation is coming out in 2010!

7 Balls to Rule Them All...

2008-10-03T15:29:00.003-04:00

I'll admit it: I was one of those geeky 12-year olds that watched Dragon Ball Z on Toonami every day after school. I mean, come on, who didn't want to shoot light from their hands at that age?

Well, long after the DBZ craze, some idiot decided to make a movie. You know, now that no one gives a shit.

I just watched the teaser trailer. As Perez Hilton would say: SHITEOUS!!

WATCH IT HERE:
http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=dragonballtrl1

The Presidential Debate in a breadbox

2008-09-26T22:40:00.002-04:00

I can sum it up in a few words:

"DO YOU TALK TO GENERALS, OBAMA? I TALK TO GENERALS! I THINK YOU OUGHT TO TALK TO GENERALS! GENERALS!!!"

Holy Update, Batman! (And speaking of... Here's the "The Dark Knight" review)

2008-09-26T08:19:00.003-04:00

It's been a small eternity since I reviewed a movie, or, uh, said anything, but the new semester has begun and I'm already at my wits end! So, why not write a review while my emotional state is a volatile one?

I saw The Dark Knight opening day at the IMAX in Reading. I walked out in complete silence. I saw it twice more, still leaving in total silence, unable to formulate a word or opinion of any kind.

My thoughts have finally come together enough for me to write this review.

The Dark Knight is a comic book adaptation, as well as the sequel to the critically-acclaimed Batman Begins, which re-launched the series and pushed Batman once again into the spotlight. However, as much as it is a comic book movie, it works just as well as a crime drama, one of the best I've seen in years.

There are several storylines that play out in this film, all of them intertwined and important, and the way they unfold is nearly perfect. Brothers Christopher Nolan (director, writer, screenplay) and Jonathan Nolan (screenplay) knew exactly what they were doing when writing the screenplay for this movie. There is not one plot hole to be found -- everything is tied up by the end of the movie. But they manage to make it exciting and a complete thrill; the 152-minute you take is never a boring one. Tedious, maybe, but never boring.

I'll start off with the talk of the town: The Joker.

Heath Ledger, who will win a posthumous Oscar if the Academy doesn't want angry fans burning Hollywood to the ground, portrays this iconic villain as a man without morals or even a plan, just someone "who wants to watch the world burn". From the minute you see him standing on a street corner, back to the audience, you know something is not quite right -- just his stance alone conveys the important and messy role he plays.

Now, I'm a huge Batman fan. HUGE. I grew up watching the animated series, which prompted my older brother to introduce me to the comics. Even before Batman Begins brought life back to the franchise, I knew something was terribly wrong with all of the Batman films that had come before, one problem being Jack Nicholson's Joker.

I have nothing against Nicholson. He's an amazing actor. But in the 1989 Batman movie, he wasn't the Joker. He was Jack Nicholson with make-up on, dancing around and camping it up. His was not the mind of a psychotic killer.

Ledger's performance is up there with Kevin Spacey's in Se7en, or Sir Anthony Hopkins's Hannibal Lector. Ledger's Joker is twisted, insane (the "we the jury find the defendant" kind of insane), but more than that, he makes you believe that he is, in fact, an agent of chaos. Every wrong turn, every point of confusion, every horrifying bump in the dark on screen is caused by the very reminder that all clowns laugh, but some for all the wrong reasons.

He sold me on his Joker, with every snicker, every nervous tic, every hilarious one-liner -- he re-made this villain. WHY'D HE HAVE TO GO AND O.D.?!

Well, he'd better get that Oscar, or there really will be chaos.

Aaron Eckhart's D.A. Harvey Dent was perfect. Perfect. I love Aaron Eckhart, I really do, and he didn't disappoint. I was a bit nervous, as this was the first time that Harvey Dent and Two-Face were to be in the same movie, but Eckhart carried his character with much aplomb and really convinced me that the Joker was bringing him down a spiraling path. And then, of course, the big reveal.

Christian Bale, I love him. But would somebody give him a fucking lozenge?

And then, of course, there were Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman. Snappy, sarcastic, smart, and all those other good S words. While they were minor characters, you never forgot their presence, even when they weren't on-screen.

The soundtrack was amazing (Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard = WIN), and I want to have sex with Wally Pfister, the cinematographer. The editing was flawless and make-up? Um, yes please.

All in all, Mr. Nolan, I think you have a perfect movie on your hands, or as close as you can get to one. Congratulations. Let's hope you don't puss out when it comes to the third and final installment of the series.

And Sid Ganis? All eyes are on you, buddy. ::glare::

I give The Dark Knight a 5 out of 5.

Why Joss is Boss.

2008-07-17T08:44:00.003-04:00

I'm convinced that if Joss Whedon struck out to rule the world, all of our leaders would let him.

His newest creation, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, penned and made during the writer's strike, shows just how flexible and GENIUS Whedon can be.

Also, Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious and amazing. But we knew that. He stars as the eponymous character, a scientist who longs to rule the world (because it's a mess). Only thing is, he's not that good at being evil. And he's in love with a girl (Felicia Day) that goes to the same laundromat as he.

Nathan Fillion (!!) stars as his buffoon-ish nemesis, Captain Hammer, who manages to get the girl and still foil all Horrible's plans. And, you know, it's Nathan Fillion. Singing. And smiling. And breathing.

The lyrics are fantastic ("Any dolt with half a brain / Can see that humankind has gone insane / To the point where I don't know if I'll upset the status quo / if I throw poison into the water main." -- Act II), fun, and will make you smile continually throughout.

Act I and II are already up, and act III will be up on Saturday on http://drhorrible.com/, and best yet they're free! Until Sunday, at which point they'll be taken down. But you can purchase all 3 acts on iTunes. I have.

I give Dr. Horrible 5 out of 5!

Still Not Dead...

2008-07-14T21:25:00.003-04:00

I keep forgetting that I have this stupid thing.

AND NOW FOR MORE QUICK, QUICK REVIEWS!

1. WALL-E

I'm convinced that Pixar sold its collective soul to the Devil in exchange for brilliant movies that will make millions at the Box Office. There's no other explanation.

In Pixar's seventh consecutive bit of GENIUS, WALL-E (the little robot that could, can, and will) manages to subtly tell us that we're fucking up our planet (take some notes, Shamalan) while reminding us that love isn't born from big gestures, but rather something as simple as holding hands. And the robots are SO. CUTE.

It's a movie with heart, amazing visuals, humor, and a message for all of us to ponder, regardless of age.

I saw it four times. I'm not kidding.

2. Wanted

Did Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard not satisfy your taste for ridiculous and impossible action and humorous quips? Then this is the movie for you, my friend!

A rags-to-riches (or peon-to-assassin) story in which a young man disinterested in his sorry excuse for a life is recruited by a fraternity of assassins (aptly named "The Fraternity") to train and kill the rogue assassin that killed his father.

Crazy violence, crazy amounts of F-Bombs, and there's a Russian guy that hooks rats up to explosives. Which really made me kind of upset. There's no story (I mean, these people take contracts from a "Loom of Fate", and by "loom" they mean "linen-maker"), but as far as action movies go I've definitely seen worse.

It's bullshit, but fun bullshit.

And James McAvoy is in it, so yay! Oh, and that Angelina chick's in it, too.

3. The Happening

I'm laughing too hard to even write a scathing review. Just don't bother.

4. The Incredible Hulk

gratuitous edward norton shot

Obviously a vast improvement on Ang Lee's thinker, this movie is what it's supposed to be: a comic book adaptation. Edward Norton was fantastic as Bruce Banner, and Tim Roth was fucking frightening as Emil Blonksy (aka: the bad guy). Liv Tyler was so breathy throughout the movie that I was so sure she was having an asthma attack, and William Hurt is getting old. But there were cameos by Lou Ferrigno and Bill Bixby!

But the dialog was great, the CGI didn't take away from the action, although the Hulk looked like a baby-faced monster that I wanted to put in my pocket.

TONY. STARK.

This is about all I can write for now -- I hurt. Last night, we filmed a huge chunk of the student movie I'm starring in. I'm sunburned, I have a sprained wrist, bruises from where I was choked with a piano wire, whiplash, and water lodged way up into my ear canal.

Go me.

More to come soon. aka: THE DARK KNIGHT

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!

2008-05-31T23:41:00.005-04:00

Well, I decided to skip 2 1/2 hours of theatrical torture by NOT going to see Sex and the City: The Movie. My mother asked me if I wanted to go with her and her friends. I said that I had some important things to do (ie: watch a plant photosynthesize, stare at the ceiling, putter around in Photoshop, go into Salem and take pictures with Neil Cicirega and company) and told her to have a good time. I knew she wouldn't.

She didn't.

I swear, I think I'm a prophet.

However, there are some fascinating, funny, and horrendous trailers that I've been seeing and I thought I'd take a moment to address a few of them and perhaps encourage my readers (read: 4) to go see some (or not at all).

The Fall (Now In Select Theaters)

The Fall is director Tarsem Singh's second movie, a film that took nearly 6 years to shoot -- on 26 locations in 18 countries. The trailer gives you the story of the frame narrative: in 1921, a little girl (Catinca Untaru) falls and breaks her arm, bringing her to the hospital where she meets a stuntman (Lee Pace, Soldier's Girl, Pushing Daisies) whom had also taken a fall. He tells her a fantastical story and promises to finish it if she does something for him in return: help him to commit suicide. The film looks to be one of the most visually-stimulating I've seen in a very long time and the plot itself is interesting enough. A story in a story. Like Tales From 1001 Nights! Plus, that Catinca Untaru is a little cutie!

The Dark Knight (July 18th)

I did not partake in the "Let's go on a ridiculous scavenger hunt so we can see a trailer that was destroyed by the Joker" thing, so I've been forced to watch the regular one with all the other slobs.

But still. THIS TRAILER. I had been clawing at the walls before the trailer had been released. I'm pretty sure I'm unbearable to live with now that I've had a taste and am being forced to wait for the movie.

The Dark Knight looks much darker than its prequel, Batman Begins, especially with the rise of the Joker. I'm beyond thrilled that Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal (Katie was okay, but I'm a huge fan of Maggie's) and that Aaron Eckhart is playing Harvey Dent. The casting in this little trilogy is perfect. MICHAEL CAINE, PEOPLE!

This movie is going to be ridiculous -- in a good, rip-roaring, deformed clown open-firing on a schoolbus kind of way.

The Love Guru (June 30th)

I try not to look at films objectively. I try to go in, free of any biases I might have, and enjoy it.

But with films like this, I usually just end up trying not to throw up in my mouth.

Tropic Thunder (August 15th)

I cannot convey how much I want to see this film. Just go see it. Robert Downey Jr. plays an Australian actor-turned-Black Man. That alone should be incentive enough.

Mama Mia! (July 18th)

I had to throw in a musical. I know musicals are going to be Hollywood's next big thing (Chicago, Dreamgirls, Sweeney Todd), but I'm going to enjoy this before it gets annoying.

The movie itself looks like it's going to be good-hearted fluff. I'm not expecting anything too deep or dramatic, but I'm going in expecting to have fun. The songs are bouncy and enjoyable (yay ABBA!) and I really like Meryl Streep. Amanda Seyfried looks like a lovely girl and -- shock of shocks -- can act! And sing, apparently! And guess who's also in it, singing and dancing? Dominic Cooper of The History Boys fame!

I can't wait. Unfortunately, the movie will have to wait for me, as I'll be parked in theater #1 for The Dark Knight on July 18th. Maybe the next day.

The Chronicles of Eye Candy: Prince Look At Me, I'm Gorgeous

2008-05-16T15:07:00.006-04:00

I took myself to the 12:00 showing of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian this afternoon... it was me, a mother and son, two older (and creepy) men, and a couple.

So, I was basically the only person in the theater over the age of 5, but under the age of 40.

The movie fulfilled all my expectations and even exceeded a few. I was pleasantly surprised at the more intricate plot, the political intrigue, and the EPICness that were all missing from the first movie.

And Ben Barnes. ::melts:: Oh, Ben Barnes. You can point a sword at my throat any time.

The four Pevensie kids from the first movie find a way back to Narnia via the Tube (why didn't that happen when I went to England?) and are shocked to find 1300 years or so have passed. Narnia is overrun by ruins and a race of people called Telmarines, who were apparently sent from Spain. The Caspians have ruled for 9 generations, and numero diez is one Prince Caspian, whose claim to the throne is threatened when his aunt gives birth to a son, which -- as we all know -- always drives the evil uncle into a murderous state of mind.

As the prince escapes into the woods, he blows the "Help" horn, which brings the 4 kids back. The prince reluctantly joins forces with the Narnians to take back the throne -- and the rest of the world.

The story was really well-done, and so was the acting, especially since the kids are older. Although there's something really annoying about that Anna Poppelwall. I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but I couldn't stand her as Susan in this movie (or the last). And it wasn't even because she was Caspian's love interest. It's too bad, because I loved Georgie Henley as Lucy and Skander Keynes (Edmund) OWNED the screen. Keynes totally out-acted everyone else, and he's a little cutie pie.

Anyway, great battle scenes, especially the one between Peter (William Moseley) and that bastard King Miraz. It was epic, even with the lack of blood. For a PG movie, it was pretty bad ass.

AND PETER DINKLAGE AND EDDIE IZZARD WERE BOTH IN THE MOVIE!!! ::convulses with joy:: When I saw Peter Dinklage's name in the opening credits, I practically spazzed in glee. I love him. He's so talented. And, of course, Eddie. ♥

And Ben Barnes. Oh, Ben Barnes. The hottest breakout of 2008. And he's a decent actor, himself. I mean, Bigga Than Ben wasn't anything special, but Ben was great, nonetheless. (For those of you who've asked, I found the movie online. Don't ask.)

My only complaint was that the movie could've ended sooner. 2 hours and 20 minutes is a long time for a kids movie.

Anyway, Prince Caspian was a fun, surprisingly deep movie -- small kids might be rattled by the battle scenes, but they'll get over it once they remember that the animals talk.

I give The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian 4 out of 5.

"That's right, bitches."

It ends at midnight.

2008-05-15T22:10:00.002-04:00

Tonight, he's just Ben Barnes, that guy who was supposed to play Dakin in a run of The History Boys.

At 12:01am, he'll be Ben Barnes, sex symbol and breakout star of 2008.

Remember, girls: I already called dibs on him after I saw Bigga Than Ben. Too bad.

Cars, Skulls, and Lions -- Oh My!

2008-05-11T19:56:00.003-04:00

So, I thought about going to see Speed Racer this weekend, but I was able to watch the first 8 minutes of the movie online and decided to skip it before I became any closer to having a seizure. It was like they let loose 100 six-year olds onto the set with crayons and paint, and told them to go wild.

My eyes...

Anyway, I've been reading some of the reviews for the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and sadly it's not looking good. Some of the reviews make me want to cry, others aren't quite as bad... although they're not good. But since I've had the Indy theme as my ringtone for the last 3 years, the least I can do is ignore Shia LaBouf, squeal over Cate Blanchett's German accent, and form my own opinions on the film.

Remember: May 16th. Prince Caspian. I have half a mind to write to the Disney marketing people about the billboards of Ben Barnes I see when I'm driving. Do you know how distracting they are? I look up, see him, start to drool, and lose control of the car. People have nearly died so the movie can get good publicity. Not cool, Disney. Not cool.

But, er, can I have one of those billboards when you're done? I mean, if you've finished using it and all...

::dies::

Iron Man isn't iron... He's GOLD.

2008-05-01T22:36:00.005-04:00

1. Robert Downey Jr, I know I've said this millions of times, but please divorce your wife and marry me.

2. Damn.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I must say that I had high expectations for this movie (especially with RDJ in it), and Iron Man didn't disappoint. At all. Like, in any way. Except the Gwyneth Paltrow thing, but other than that I walked out of there with a huge grin on my face. Seriously, the ticket-checker lady and a loitering police officer both gave me odd/suspicious looks.

Let's get one thing straight. It may have been a fun movie with a solid script and great effects, but it was Robert's show. They could have called it that with a little 'Ironman' footnote beneath the title and it would STILL rake in millions, I guarantee it.

RDJ didn't become Tony Stark. Tony Stark became RDJ.

Okay, first, Marvel finally got it right. It wasn't camp city like it was with Spiderman, and it wasn't mediocre town like it was with X-men (no offense, Mr. Singer), and it didn't plain suck like The Hulk, The Punisher, The Fantastic Four (both of them), Ghost Rider, Daredevil, Elektra, and whatever else they've thrown at us. This movie really defied the convention.

First, of course, there was Tony Stark/RDJ. Robert made you hate him and love him. He's fast, glib, painfully smart, and undeniably sexy. Those are the same comments I made during Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and everyone looked at me weird. That won't be the case after this weekend, between you me. RDJ did a beautiful job portraying Stark as an arrogant prick at the beginning of the movie; you could feel the smarminess oozing off the screen, practically. But as Stark began to change and focus on protecting the people instead of manufacturing weapons, you believed that he was genuine, mostly because he never lost the sarcasm and the fast-pacedness that was uniquely ~~RDJ~~ Stark. GodDAMN, what a performance. But then again, it's RDJ, were we expecting anything less?

Terrence Howard was decent and Gwyneth Paltrow was whiny and forgettable (as per), but Jeff Bridges made one hell of a bad guy. I mean, as soon as I saw him I thought 'there's the douche', but he fooled me up until the middle. Bridges is the man (see: KPAX, but I never saw him as the villain. He was good. Really good. But the minor character that stood out for me was Yinsen, played wonderfully by Shaun Toub. I've never heard of Toub, but I'll be scourging the internets for more information on him. I really enjoyed his character and was really sad to see him die; he played such a crucial role and I understand why his death was necessary, but I hoped he would escape with Stark. But you know what they say about hope! It's dumb.

The script was fantastic and I know that RDJ improvised a few things here and there (as per), which made it more real and a lot more funny. And the effects were great. The CGI was terrific; it was well-done and didn't take away from the movie at all.

omfg rdj.

I am totally going to see this again. And it's been a long time in coming but I think it's finally safe to say that KICK-ASS ACTION FILMS ARE BACK!

I give Iron Man 5 out of 5.

Go see it.

R.C.'s Top 10 Talented Celebrity Men (that rhymed!)

2008-04-29T17:14:00.008-04:00

Because what else would you do when you have laryngitis? As I sit here finishing up an essay, I couldn't help but think of this little quiz a couple of my friends had sent me in which you had to list your favorite 10 talented celebrity men. Well, here's mine:

**NOTE: Orlando Bloom did NOT make this list, because, well, I said "talented" celebrities. Sorry, girls.

1. Sean Biggerstaff

Whenever I mention his name, the reply is always the same: "who?" Well, screw you, infidels, because Sean's one to watch! This Scottish actor doesn't take any shit from anyone, he's in a band, his sarcastic streak is world-renown, not to mention that he's got more talent in the nail of his pinky finger than 90% of Hollywood's leading men have in their entire bodies. Was that grammatically correct? Probably not. My head hurts.

Anyway, Sean not only has a slew of intriguing and fantastic movies roles under his belt (Oliver Wood in "Harry Potter", Jeremy Wolfenden in "Consenting Adults", and Ben Willis in "Cashback" to name a few), but my fictional letter to him in Spanish got me the highest grade in my Spanish 201 class. Gracias, Sean!

2. Nathan Fillion

He's the only thing I want for my 21st birthday (well, him and a pair of polka dot shoes), and barring any legal difficulties he may just show up! Who knows -- Kidnapping might not be a federal offense in his native Canada!

He first came to public attention on the soap opera, "One Life to Live", and on "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place". He then advanced into Whedon territory when he played We-The-Jury-Find-The-Defendant-crazy priest Caleb on "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer" and as Captain Malcolm Reynolds on the short-lived but much-loved "Firefly" and its counterpart film (take that, FOX!), "Serenity". He continued into film with that piece of shit, "White Noise 2: The Light", and the charming "Waitress".

Plus, he's a fucking goofball. And I love it.

3. Simon Amstell

I've never seen anyone do 'deadpan' so brilliantly. I first saw Simon on "Never Mind the Buzzcocks", my new favorite show that I'm forced to watch on YouTube because America hates smart and funny game shows. Simon manages to come across as that boy you went to school with who SEEMED innocuous until he opened his mouth and ruined the illusion. He's smart, he's quick, he's unapologetic, and he's a joy to watch. And, like most of the people who will be on this list, he's British.

4. Tom Wilkinson

Do you think Tom goes around and introduces himself like this: "Hello, I'm Tom Wilkinson... and you're not"? If not, he definitely should. We all need a reminder like that.

Mr. Wilkinson has been in several (billions?) of movies and has never disappointed me in any of them, regardless if the movie itself is even of any value. Although usually having Tom in them is an indication. He's a sort of changeling, able to get into ANY kind of role, no matter what it is. His latest (and greatest?) was that of Benjamin Franklin on HBO's superb miniseries, "John Adams". Oh, all of you Hollywood actors better get down on your knees and pray that you will maybe, perhaps, in time be as wonderful as he. Although chances are it won't happen. Ever.

5. Harold Perrineau

I first saw Harold in Baz Luhrmann's "Romeo and Juliet", in which he played Mercutio. But I never really paid him mind, mostly because I was young and had the attention span of a brick. But I then sat up and took notice when I watched the first season of "Lost", where he played Michael, that crazy crazy asshole. But what really captivated me, especially these past few months, was his role on HBO's critically-acclaimed series, "OZ", in which he played narrator and inmate Augustus Hill, as well as his role in "28 Weeks Later" as pilot Flynn. He was also in "The Matrix" sequels as Link.

He's gritty and raw, and you should all run out and rent all 6 seasons of "OZ" just so you can witness acting at its finest.

6. Donald Sutherland

I don't even need to explain myself for this one.

7. Christopher Meloni

Whether he's playing straight, gay, cop, CRAZY, or Freakshow, Chris is amazing. He's never afraid to take it too far and he always somehow manages to make me smile, even when he's kicking the shit out of Lee Tergesen. And he looks like a gift to the world from a higher power when he takes his shirt off.

8. Alan Rickman

No words. None. They haven't been written yet.

** NOTE: No, girls, Professor Snape isn't his best role. Get Netflix, you morons.

9. Eddie Izzard

He was the first thing that popped up when I googled the world 'Eddie', so that must say something. Eddie is one of my favorite comedians, being that not only do I get tons of laughs out of his routines but I also walk away a little bit smarter. I had the good fortune of seeing Mr. Izzard last night at the Orpheum, even though he and everyone around me probably wanted to kill me (what with all the coughing), and he didn't disappoint. Sometimes comedians never live up to your expectations when you see them live, but not him! He exceeded them all! Especially with this line:

As the British, talking about America during the Revolution: "Oh, let's just let them have it. It won't work. Shit, it's working."

10. Robert Downey Jr.

It's always something when an actor can act without making it seem like acting. I love all of RDJ's characters; they're scattered, they're sarcastic, they're hilarious, and they're real. Everyone knows someone like RDJ. I hope. We need more of him.

I know that everyone's psyched about him as Tony Stark in the upcoming "Iron Man" (I am!), but he's also genius in these other films: "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", "Charlie Bartlett", "Zodiac", "Goodnight and Good Luck", "Chaplin", and "Wonderboys".

Runners Up:

Frank Warren
Brad Bird
Denzel Washington
Bruce Willis
Clive Owen
Robin Ince
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Johnny Depp
Simon Pegg
Richard Griffiths
Jon Stewart
EDITED DUE TO GUILT: Neil Cicirega

Not Art.

2008-04-19T11:20:00.002-04:00

I just had myself a good cry. Well, not a good one, but a cry nonetheless. I don't know if everyone is aware of any recent news in the art world, or if the name 'Guillermo Habacuc Vargas' repulses you, but it's something that should be brought to everyone's attention.

In 2007, Costa Rican 'artist' Guillermo Habacuc Vargas paid a group of children to capture a dog off of the street, and then he chained the dog to a wall and slowly AND PUBLICLY starved the poor creature to death. He calls it 'art'. Apparently some agreed with him, as he's been asked to represent Costa Rica in "Bienal Centroamericana Honduras 2008".
This 'work of art' has created a mass outrage. Petitions have been created, thousands have signed, and millions are trying to prevent Vargas from being allowed to enter the competition, or whatever the fuck it is. I've heard that he wishes to recreate the first 'piece', which means the starvation and death of another innocent creature.

I'm getting teary just thinking about the photos of the exhibit. The dog was curled up, skeletal and broken, while patrons and other art-lovers just walked around the gallery and did nothing. That's what kills me the most. That nobody stepped in and did something. That the dog died needlessly, all in the name of art.

This is not art. This is inhumane. This is heartless. This is torture. This is cruel and unusual and just plain wrong.

It's murder, plain and simple.

I'm not trying to recruit anyone to a cause. I'm not trying to define the boundaries of art, although art is supposed to be what is aesthetically pleasing; how could this act of blatant cruelty and neglect be considered beautiful?

But please, be aware that horrible things are being done in the name of art. It's not right, or fair, and it achieves nothing.

If you would like to sign the petition, you can do so here:

1. http://www.petitiononline.com/ea6gk/petition.html
2. http://www.petitiononline.com/13031953/petition.html

Charlton Heston

2008-04-06T08:33:00.002-04:00

Guns don't kill people. Life does, apparently. But the guns probably don't help matters.

Charlton Heston, legendary screen actor and crazy gun-lover, died last night (Saturday, April 5th) at the age of 84.

We'll miss you, you animal. ♥

Pass It On! (The History Boys review)

2008-03-31T18:14:00.004-04:00

I forget what initially drew me to buy the film The History Boys. Maybe it was because Allan Bennett had written the original Tony award-winning play AS WELL AS the screenplay for the film adaptation. Maybe it was because Frances de la Tour was in it. Maybe it was because the song The Universal by Blur was in the trailer. Maybe it was all the very handsome men speaking in various British dialects. Or it could have been the mix of poetry and history.

We'll never know.

The History Boys is the kind of film I someday hope to write. While I've read reviews that say that it didn't translate as well as it could have from the stage to the big screen -- and I can see where their complaints lie -- I have to say that it is fast becoming one of my favorite films.

The story begins in 1983, where eight boys, nicknamed "The History Boys" for their love of history, have received the highest A-Levels scores the Cutler Grammar School has ever seen. They are determined to try for Oxford and Cambridge, but have no hope, even with teachers like the idealistic and philosophical Mr. Hector and the blunt and wise Mrs. Lintott. The new, young teacher, Mr. Irwin, is hired in hopes of steering the boys in the right direction, especially with their entrance essays.

Luckily, the film was made with the original Broadway cast, because I honestly can't see anyone else playing these roles, even the actors and actresses who've replaced them.

The film is more character-centered rather than plot, although the two are very much intertwined. The boys are made up of the cool and desirable Dakin, the religious Scripps, the pining and sadly sweet Posner, the snarky and mischievous Lockwood, the trouble-making and smart aleck Timms, the athletic Crowther, the hopeless yet determined Rudge, and the witty Akhtar. They are led by Mr. Hector, an old teacher with a poet's soul, the ability to quote anything, and a penchant for beautiful boys, Mrs. Lintott who laments that history is five centuries of male ineptitude, and Mr. Irwin, who pushes the boys to their limits and encourages very unorthodox ways of looking and dissecting history.

The characters are wonderful. The boys remind everyone (over the age of 18) of what it was like to have expectations, to believe you were invincible, and the teachers are the prime example of how life can sometimes be nothing but a disappointment.

It's Dakin and Irwin, however, that have the most intriguing relationship. I won't go too much into it should anyone rent/buy the movie, but the boundaries of Platonism are continually pushed, culminating in a very satisfactory -- or unsatisfactory -- result. It is a fascinating war.

The film, itself, however, reflects the genuine life of a school boy. There are no fancy shots, or artistic lighting. It's almost as if you're there in the classroom, seeing the world realistically.

As for the transition from stage to film, I can't voice any objections, for I haven't had the fortune of seeing the play. I can agree with those who say that the characters in the film aren't as fleshed-out as they are (or must be, in my case) in the play. The film characters were very fun and somewhat multi-dimensional, but there was definitely some other kind of depth missing there. I can only assume that they are brought into full in the play. But then again, until I see it I can't pass judgment.

The History Boys is full of beautiful language, hilarious one-liners, and thought-provoking history lessons. It's what school ought to be: teaching you history while simultaneously preparing you for the utter randomness of the future.

I give The History Boys 4 out of 5.

The Stupid is Catching!

2008-03-29T18:29:00.006-04:00

Gray wolves are no longer endangered! It's been a long battle, beginning in 1973 when the Federal Endangered Species Act listed them as, well, endangered. But finally, 36 years later, they're in the clear!

Except big hunts are already in the works.

Why are we so hell-bent on trying to perpetuate the stereotype of stupid people in groups?

Do they not have anything better to do in Idaho and Wyoming than to hunt animals that have just clawed their way out of a red zone? So what if they're eating your livestock! It's what they do! And believe you me, they were here long before we were.

"Hey guys, we've just saved an entire species from possible extinction!"
"Great! Now let's kill them all!"

You want to know why we haven't found intelligent life beyond this planet? Because nobody would be caught dead with us.

How-to Guide to Being Sick

2008-03-28T10:54:00.006-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted instructions on how to live your life, so today (while I'm dying, quarantined in my house) I thought I might post a list of steps in order to survive being sick.

HOW TO BE SICK
A comprehensive check-list

1. When you wake up, it feels like you're two seconds away from total Armageddon.

This is completely normal, and no, the four horsemen that you see before you AREN'T the guys you keep hearing Pat Robertson blather about. You actually shouldn't see any horsemen. If you do, you're probably not sick but rather having a bad acid trip.

Hallucinations aside, if you feel like total and complete shit, then chances are you've become a carrier. Or is that too zombie-virus-ish?

2. Check your symptoms.

There are certain symptoms pertaining to certain illnesses. Let's break it down so you won't have to run to WebMD for a half-assed diagnosis. You can do it all on your own!

- The Flu: chills, sore throat, fever, headache, weakness, exhaustion, aches

- Pneumonia: phlegmy cough (yellow or green), high fever, chills, shortness of breath, vomiting, blueness of the skin

- The Common Cold: sore throat, runny nose, nasal congestion, sneezing and coughing, malaise

** Do not be alarmed. Just because you have the symptoms of pneumonia doesn't mean you have it. You could be showing initial signs of ebola!

3. You're not going to show any signs of intelligence until you start feeling better, so call out of work or school.

You're going to be useless most of the day. Get into some sweats or something as equally comfortable. Put down the Blackberry and the bookbag.

4. Break out the Disney movies.***

I once had a teacher who seriously believed that Disney was gearing up to take over the world. Whether that's true or not, Disney movies always make people happy (crowd control?). And that's something you need when you're sick.

I, myself, go from The Little Mermaid all the way down to the present, usually ending with The Emperor's New Groove. Pocahontas is always good around mid-day.

5. DON'T DRINK MILK!!

This is always a tough one for me, since I drink about 6 or 7 thousand glasses of milk a day. However milk isn't the drink to have when you're sick (especially if you've got a case of the runs). Drink water or juice. No alcohol. Don't want to add a hangover to the equation!

6. Eat little, but often.

Unless you're throwing up. Then just put the fork down and go lie down.

7. Sleep. Shower. Solitude.

Try and get a nap in. And a shower. You'll feel better for it. And quarantine yourself somewhere, because nobody wants your sick ass anywhere near them. People saw 28 Days Later. They know what happens.

And there you have it! Now, these steps don't have to be followed in any particular order, but do try and get at least 6 Disney movies in. By tomorrow, you'll probably still feel like shit, but you'll be in a haze of Disney euphoria so you won't care.

*** Breaking out into song is not a symptom.

There just might be a God.

2008-03-26T10:37:00.004-04:00

Because Nathan Fillion is starring in Joss Whedon's internet musical, "Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog", with... are you ready for this?...

Neil Patrick motherfucking Harris.

It's like all my X-mases came at once.

Tragedies as Cash Cows? Or Simply Paying Homage?

2008-03-21T09:50:00.005-04:00

Last night, I was watching United 93 and sobbing like a little kid with a skinned knee when I thought back to the day in 8th grade that I was forced to watch The Perfect Storm. And despite me falling asleep during the first 20 minutes, it was after the fact that I decided the movie was a failure as an adaptation of a tragedy.

So, fast forward several years to last night, where I'm still crying as the passengers rush the terrorists to try and take control of the cockpit. This movie is a hard one for me to define. As a movie, it's fantastic. The characters are real people, just innocent bystanders waiting to get home to their families. I really enjoyed that there weren't any big names in the film. I think it made it a little more genuine to not have Brad Pitt or friggin' Lindsay "please oh please go the hell away because no one wants to see you act or sing or breathe" Lohan taking up the screen. And after the terrorists make themselves known, it's just a jumble of fear, confusion, and helplessness. It's well done, as far as a film goes.

But what about the subject matter? The fact is, I'm still reeling from 9/11. I watched the second plane hit, and the first building go down. I sometimes have dreams where I'm on United 93, talking on the phone to my mother and telling her that I love her and not to worry, because we have a plan.

9/11 was a fucked-up day for all of us. It was the day that America was emasculated, the day that my parents didn't have answers for me, the day I was dismissed from school because we feared Boston was next. Every time I heard an airplane -- which, living next to an airport, was like every 10 minutes -- my heart would skip a beat. Even today, when I see a low-flying plane, I sometimes think this is it.

I remember when they were making United 93. In fact, they made two adaptations: Flight 93, which was made for TV, and United 93. The country was divided on making them: one side believed it was too soon, that these people had finally been put to rest and suddenly their final hours were going to be paraded on screens across America for profit. The other side felt these heroes' story needed to be told.

I, too, was divided. How could you make a movie about an event where no one survived and no one really knew what took place? We have snippets of phone conversations and last goodbyes to loved ones, the famous "Let's roll", and whatever was gleaned from the black box. But no one knows how it went down. Just that the normal, innocent passengers stood up together in an attempt to stop the hijack. That's it. And as far as remaining true to the event, that's hardly enough to go on.

It's the same with The Perfect Storm, as disappointing as the movie was. No one knew what happened.

So, what is it? It is paying homage to a tragedy, or is it exploitation? A little of both?

Thoughts?

UGG.

2008-03-08T17:02:00.004-05:00

Funny how the name of the boot is synonymous with a sound that conveys disgust.

You see them on the streets, in store windows, on the feet of girls ages 12-23. UGG boots are the new fashion phenomenon sweeping the nation. They are the ubiquitous suede boot lined on the inside with sheep's wool or whateverthefuck it is, coming in an assortment of colors and heights. They can't be worn in the rain or snow, but they can be yours for a bargain at $130!

I think "UGG" means "the end of fashion as we know it".

Those stupid boots drive me crazy. Not because they're warm, not because they're shapeless and tacky as all hell, and not because of the price, but because EVERYONE'S wearing them. When I say everyone, I mean it. My mother has been searching high and low for a pair of UGGs, but no store carries them because they've been on backorder since October. It's now March. Still backordered.

Did I miss something? Did the boat leave and was I just not on it? Did I not get the memo?

What makes these boots so special?

Answer: NOTHING.

UGG boots are stealing the individuality of girls all across the country. They're taking away the freedom to express one's own style. You know how I know this? Because every girl I see now looks the same: they all sport a simple top and sweatpants or jeans, which are tucked into a pair of UGGs. All of them. ALL OF THEM!

These days, having UGGs makes you automatically cool, and that just doesn't fly with me. They've become this status symbol in our society. But not only that, people who don't like UGGs are starting to stereotype the girls who are wearing them, and THAT doesn't fly with me either. These boots are nothing but trouble.

Girls, you aren't Eskimos! And you're not Aborigines! And why the hell are these boots from Australia, anyway? It's a million and one degrees down there! Who wears wool-lined boots in that kind of heat?

Take back your individuality. It won't make you any less cool to wear a pair of sneakers, or flats, or a shirt that says "I Slept With Spongebob" (I own that shirt). Be free to make your own statement.

That goes for you Croc-wearing SOBs. I don't care how comfortable they are, you look like dumb asses.

Hells bells, they even shot the dog! (the No Country for Old Men review)

2008-03-03T22:10:00.003-05:00

After seeing Charlie Bartlett, I had a small freak-out, thinking that No Country for Old Men would leave the theater within 24 hours, so I went Sunday afternoon to see it. And boy howdy, I'm glad I did.

No Country for Old Men is the movie that everyone wished they'd thought of. Or the story everyone wished they'd written. And then everyone wishes they were the Coen brothers, but they're not, so too bad. Life sucks. This movie doesn't. It was the perfect blend of simplicity, action, gratuitous violence, and psychology, and it was completely deserving of Best Picture. I'm a bit miffed that it didn't get Best Cinematography (it went to There Will Be Blood), but I suppose that Best Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, and Supporting Actor will have to suffice.

Man, where do I begin? The opening lines, a voice-over spoken by Sheriff Ed Tom (the always awesomely deadpan Tommy Lee Jones), capture the viewer's attention right away, nostalgia and exhaustion dripping from every word. Cut to an arrest, which turns sour as Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem) brutally murders the arresting officer, takes his little oxygen tank, and goes on his merry way. We are then introduced to Llewelyn Moss, a man in the wrong place at the right time who finds the aftermath of a drug deal gone wrong, as well as a case with $2 million inside. He takes the money, which brings Chigurh onto his trail, along with a whole lot of mayhem and ridiculously fascinating deaths and mind games. All for money.

The movie was an absolute dream. I mean that seriously; that shit was surreal. The shots of the landscape, especially when there was a storm on the horizon, were just incredible, giving me a look at a part of the country I barely knew existed. Once again, they lost Best Cinematography. That really frosts my cookies.

The performances were fantastic. Tommy Lee Jones never disappoints, and was so world-weary that you couldn't help but feel the weight of life that he carried. Josh Brolin was an unsuspectingly great anti-hero. I really empathized with him and was very sad when he met an unsuspecting fate. He was smart, he was witty, and he was relatable. Woody Harrelson, not sure what the hell you were doing in the movie, but you were funny ("As compared to what? The bubonic plague?") and annoying and I'm sorry your ass got shot.

Okay. Finally, we get to the talk of the town. Javier Bardem not only deserved Best Supporting Actor, but he also should've been given the Scariest Motherfucker EVER award, because what. the. hell. No, it wasn't just the haircut that terrified me (the hair should've been given Best Supporting), but it was his eyes, totally devoid of any emotion or regard for life, or the stiff way he walked, like a machine. It was his mindfucks (I sat through the scene in the convenience store with the entire cast of ER on standby, because I swear I was gonna have a massive coronary), his silk-over-gravel voice, and it was his damn coins. CHRIST. What a performance. Javier, eres fantastico! Te admiro mucho! Espero que te veré en más peliculas muy pronto!

Shut up. I know Spanish. (If any of that's incorrect, I don't want to hear about it.)

Regardless of the movie not winning Best Cinematography or whether or not my Spanish is half-decent, No Country for Old Men is truly cinema at its best.

Although, what can you expect? It's the Coen brothers.

I give No Country for Old Men 5 out of 5.

ima mess you up.

** I'd like to make a correction from my earlier post regarding the weapon used by Javier Bardem's character. It wasn't a tire iron, it was an oxygen tank. Who fucking knew?

"Never attack a drunk guy with a gun." (The Charlie Bartlett Review)

2008-03-01T22:01:00.003-05:00

I went to see Charlie Bartlett only for the sake of seeing Robert Downey Jr. I was pleasantly surprised by the rest of the cast, as well as the way the story unfolded.

Charlie Bartlett is about a wealthy, smart and mature boy of the same name (played by Anton Yelchin) who has been kicked out of every private school he's attended -- the latest offense making fake (but very authentic-looking) driver's licenses. His mother (Hope Davis -- who owns), a careless woman who sings showtunes while taking klonopin with wine, sees him as an adult instead of the teenager he is. It is decided that Charlie will attend public school, and after a very rough start, he is accepted by his peers when he sets up a psychiatrist's office in the boy's bathroom, complete with prescriptions for their ailments. However Principal Nathan Gardener (Robert Downey Jr, never a disappointment in any movie he's ever been in) finds himself at odds with Charlie, especially when the boy starts dating his daughter (Kat Dennings).

This movie, no matter what some critics have to say, was thoroughly enjoyable. It wasn't another movie about an arrogant teenager, or a film a la Ferris Bueller, but a real look at the problems high school kids have, ranging from promiscuity to homosexuality to suicide. And Charlie Bartlett bears the burden of his desired popularity with great aplomb, even when in the face of expulsion and other not-fun things.

Anton Yelchin really shone in this movie, to the point where I felt like a pedophile for being so impressed. Plus, he's a real cutie. I really enjoyed his performance as the charismatic Charlie, and never for a second did it fall flat, or was I not fully on board with it. He was that cute everyman that we all went to school with, who never belonged to one group and was friends with the entire school because he did some amazing thing that keeps everyone in awe. Yelchin kept me raptured and even made me wish that someone like Charlie had gone to my own high school; we would have been a lot happier if he had.

Robert Downey Jr. stole every scene he was in. He was funny, he was tragic, he was a total dad. Downey Jr. is one of my favorite actors. There's just something about him that you can totally relate to, no matter the role, whether he's a thief stealing shit (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) or a reluctant superhero (the upcoming Iron Man). As the alcoholic Principal Gardener, you felt his pain, how his life was destroyed when he was given the position of principal and left his position as a history teacher. He doesn't understand his daughter, and doesn't see that his drinking and "hobby" (driving a remote-controlled boat around his pool) is hurting her. The climax scene between him and Charlie is just... I sat there in shock and awe, thanking Elsie Downey for bringing him into the world. There isn't a more talented and versatile actor out there (except for maybe Nathan Fillion and Sean Biggerstaff, but I'm biased).

The rest of the cast, the student body, were great, especially Tyler Hilton as Murphy Bivens, the bully-turned-business partner. I really enjoyed his character and couldn't see him played by anyone else. I hope to see more of Hilton (no relation to THE Hiltons, thank god) in upcoming films. He's on the CW's One Tree Hill as Chris Keller.

The movie flowed well and moved quickly. I was surprised when it ended. The ending, come to think of it, was probably the weakest part of the movie. However if that's all it's got against it, it's doing pretty well.

I give Charlie Bartlett a 4 out of 5.

Mass Movie Biz?

2008-02-28T20:52:00.004-05:00

Well, I must say, my state's better than yours. We were the first to kick tea off a boat. We started a revolution. We had the first shopping mall in the country. We were the first to legalize gay marriage.

And now? We're getting a movie studio, yo.

A formal naval base will be converted into the biggest movie helm in New England, called This Studio Complex. They're planning for 14 sound stages, making it the biggest in MA. It'll take $300 million to build, but I'm sure the movie industry won't care when state tax credits reduce the studio costs by 25%.

I personally think it's a great idea! It'll create tons of new jobs, which will stimulate the economy, and I have plenty of ridiculously talented friends who will hopefully take advantage of this opportunity and maybe use it to sling-shot themselves to stardom. Maybe I'll even submit screenplays. Or hell, act! It'd be fun to act again.

Of course, they're shooting to start building in 2009, but I can't imagine it taking that long. Good things are looming on the horizon!

Contact your representative and tell them you give it a big, hearty HELLZ YEAH!

http://www.mass.gov/?pageID=gov3utilities&sid=Agov3&U=Agov3_contact_us

I can has good moviez?

2008-02-26T19:31:00.003-05:00

Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently -- are you getting sick of seeing that?

Yeah. That's how I felt in Vantage Point, which I had the misfortune of seeing this past weekend.

Christ, what a bad movie. I haven't seen a movie this bad since... hm, let me think back... Well, Meet the Spartans was a big black hole of SUCK, but I'd have to say since I was forced to sit through The Neverending Story 3: Escape from Fantasia.

Yes, I hated Vantage Point that much.

The acting was terrible, the story was supposed to be a "puzzle" but was more like a rat that couldn't find the end of a maze and DIED, the car chase was so crazy that it was stupid, the dialog was ridiculous ("I've got you, Mr. President"), there was no resolution to the "plan", and the audience groaned at every different vantage point, of which there were 8. The movie was pretty much swallowed by a plot hole.

I contemplated walking out of the theater several times, but then remembered I'd paid $12.75 to sit in the Director's Hall to see the damn thing.

If you think this review is a bit crap, then it totally fits the movie.

I give Vantage Point 1 out of 5.

if you have the opportunity to see this, don't.

After the Oscar Wars 2008

2008-02-24T23:55:00.006-05:00

Well, it looks like Sid Ganis will live to see another day. Daniel Day-Lewis got Best Actor.

And who totally called everything except Best Actress?! Um, this one right here. I'm very happy for the winners, especially Diablo Cody for taking home Best Original Screenplay. You go, girl!

Okay. Time to break down the night:

LIKES

1. Jon Stewart as host: I thought he totally owned it this time around. His first time hosting in 2006 was kind of lackluster, but I'm gonna chock that one up to nerves. He was relaxed and very funny; I especially loved the bit about Cate Blanchett playing the pit bull.

2. Katherine Heigl's gown: I know there were other beautiful gowns on the red carpet, but DAMN. She looked amazing. I want that dress, you have no idea.

3. The Montages: They were very beautiful, especially the In Memoriam one and the 80 Years of Oscars one. Beautifully done.

4. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS WON FOR BEST ACTOR.

5. Amy Adams singing "Happy Working Song": That woman is cute as a button! She was too adorable. I really hope we see more from her.

6. Tilda Swinton's win: Totally wasn't expecting that, but I'm glad she won. Her performance in Michael Clayton was great. And her acceptance speech? WIN. Especially the part about George Clooney wearing the Batman nipple suit under all his clothes and hanging-upside down at lunch.

DISLIKES

1. Jon Stewart as host: As much as I liked his turn as host, I was spoiled by Ellen DeGeneres last year. She truly was an amazing and hilarious host. Nothing will ever top her having Stephen Spielberg take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her Myspace, or vacuuming under everyone's feet.

2. Gary Busey: What the shit was that about?

3. The In Memoriam montage: Um, why wasn't Brad Renfro in there? That was kinda rude. You don't snub dead guys, seriously. Bitch is gonna haunt the Academy members now.

4. Ryan Seacrest: Can't someone shut this guy the fuck up? Seriously. I'm so sick of seeing his smug mug.

5. It was only 4 hours. I'm used to it being 8 and 1/2! You bunch of wimps!

All in all, a very good night. Congrats to all the nominees and the winners.

The Oscar Wars: 2008 Edition

2008-02-21T21:36:00.004-05:00

Well, it's that time again! Time for our brave men and women to suit up in Versace, Christian Lacroix, and whatever the hell else they'll be wearing in order to battle it out for the golden statuette!

That's right. It's time for the Academy Awards. Let the bloodshed commence.

I've compiled a list of the nominees, who should win, who will probably win, and why:

BEST PICTURE
1. Michael Clayton
2. Juno
3. No Country for Old Men
4. There Will Be Blood
5. Atonement

None of these films are slouchers. You have the smart legal drama, the sweet indie comedy, the fast-paced and well-written blood bath, and two period pieces. It would be a tough decision, yeah? Not so!

It's going to come down to There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. It's the year of the long titles. Both films are top-notch.

Will Win
No Country for Old Men

Should Win
No Country for Old Men

As much as I loved There Will Be Blood, it ain't happening. Most people found the movie to be a bit dry for their tastes. Well, fuck them. No Country for Old Men, which I've yet to see, has two good reasons it should take the Oscar: Ethan and Joel Coen. Remember Fargo? Yeah. This movie is just as gritty, but perhaps a bit more fast paced and deeper. And Javier Bardem plays a monumentally fucked up dude with a penchant for tire irons. What could be better?

BEST ACTOR
1. George Clooney (for Michael Clayton)
2. Johnny Depp (for Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)
3. Daniel Day-Lewis (for There Will Be Blood)
4. Viggo Mortensen (for Eastern Promises)
5. Tommy Lee Jones (for In the Valley of Elah)

Will Win
Daniel Day-Lewis

There is no "should win" category. Want to know why? See my post on There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day-Lewis's performance was second to none. Although I'd like to see Johnny Depp score an Oscar, because he's weird and scary. But he does it well.

BEST ACTRESS
1. Cate Blanchett (for Elizabeth: The Golden Age)
2. Ellen Page (for Juno)
3. Julie Christie (for Away From Her)
4. Marion Cotillard (for La Mome)
5. Laura Linney (for The Savages)

Will Win
Julie Christie

Should Win
?

This category was a toughie for me, as I only saw one of the films. I don't think Ellen Page deserves an Oscar for her portrayal of Juno in the film of the same name, as good as her performance was. I didn't see Away From Her for personal reasons, as I didn't think I could handle a movie about Alzheimer's after having a family member suffer and die from it. And I never got around to seeing the other three, mostly because two of the movies didn't come to my theater. I hate my theater.

But I hear that Julie Christie was haunting and bittersweet as a woman suffering from one of the worst diseases EVER, who ends up falling in love with a man in her nursing home... while her husband of X amount of years watches helplessly.

I'm getting teary just thinking about it.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
1. Tom Wilkinson (for Michael Clayton)
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman (for Charlie Wilson's War)
3. Javier Bardem (for No Country for Old Men)
4. Casey Affleck (for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)
5. Hal Holbrook (for Into the Wild)

Will Win
Javier Bardem

Should Win
Tom Wilkinson

Remember, I haven't seen No Country for Old Men, so I can't judge Sr. Bardem's performance. However, Tom Wilkinson owns in every movie he's ever been in, and Michael Clayton was no different. His portrayal of harried, crazy, paranoid Arthur Edens stood out from the first opening lines to the end of his role in the film. Wilkinson knows what he's doing; the man deserves a reward for that.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
1. Cate Blanchett (for I'm Not There)
2. Saoirse Ronan (for Atonement)
3. Amy Ryan (for Gone Baby Gone)
4. Tilda Swinton (for Michael Clayton)
5. Ruby Dee (for American Gangster)

Will Will
?

Should Win
Amy Ryan

I don't know why the hell Saoirse "No One Can Pronounce My First Name" Ronan even made the list. Granted, as a child actress she stood out in Atonement, but she totally wasn't deserving of an Oscar. Cate Blanchett's take on Bob Dylan is supposed to be a performance of our times, but it was Amy Ryan's portrayal of a hard-drinking, drug-addict mother from South Boston in Gone Baby Gone that totally deserves the award. She was gripping, she was authentic, she had a MOUTH on her, and she made me 127% invested in her character and her character's plight.

The others, I'm sure you can guess. The Coen Brothers are totally taking home Best Director and Disney's Ratatouille is taking home Best Animated Film.

Although, this year I'm losing my faith in the Academy, if only because Norbit was nominated for anything.

Hmmm....

2008-02-11T09:55:00.000-05:00

Things are awfully quiet over at SeanBiggerstaff.com. Watch out, Sean, because I'll come over with a slew of movies and the fixings for nachos, and we'll play guitar and sing and try on hats and free all the animals in the zoo! We'll make a party out of it.

I hope all's well!

Is it over?

2008-02-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

The Writer's Strike may be coming to an end as early as this week! Cross your fingers, guys. Hopefully they'll get the deal they deserve!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23074826/

An Open Letter

2008-02-08T17:03:00.001-05:00

Dear In Bruges,

Please, please, PLEASE come to my theater. I need to see Brendon Gleeson be amazing. Right now.

Hugs and kisses,
R.C.

A Bastard in a Basket (the "there will be blood" review)

2008-02-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

If Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't get an Oscar for his performance as Daniel Plainview, I'm going to the Academy with a pick-ax.

There Will Be Blood has restored my faith in Hollywood. For a while, at least. It was long, yes, but I never once wondered what time it was or even got up to go to the bathroom (even when my back teeth were practically floating). It moved right along, the plot was interesting, I became emotionally invested in the characters, and the score is now the rightful owner of my soul. As my good friend and fellow film-lover Justin said, "It was a great reminder of how much we take advantage of special effects and crappy acting, and then this movie comes out and it's like, 'oh yeah! That's what a movie is supposed to be!"

Let's start with Daniel as Daniel, shall we? I haven't seen a performance quite like that since Dick Cheney mistook a buddy for a quail. Damn, he was convincing. Daniel, not Cheney. I know that Daniel is very big on method acting and preparation to the point of exhaustion, but jeez, he must have smoked 200 packs an hour and developed cirrhosis and bathed in bacon fat for this role. He was charismatic, he was smooth, he was smart, he loved his son very much and very hard, and he was monumentally fucked-up. And he did it so well. Every moment he was on screen, it was as if Daniel Plainview (who didn't have a plain bone in his body) was a living and breathing man, standing right next to me, sweating whiskey and willing to do anything -- including joining some crazy evangelist church. The end scene alone should have every actor EVER on their knees with their mouths open.

Paul Dano -- the mute kid from Little Miss Sunshine -- has really come into his own. I was thoroughly impressed by his portrayal of craaaaaazy priest Eli. What with the pentecostal 'exorcisms' and the very quiet way he had of manipulating people. The scene with him covered in mud at the dinner table had my heart pounding. His delivery was perfect, just perfect.

The cinematography was fantastic. Every shot held something symbolically for me, especially the shots when dealing with fire and shadow. Every shot was epic. It was like Paul Thomas Anderson was bringing back the glory days of old Hollywood with his establishing shots and points of view.

The dichotomy of power and humanity was fascinating. Daniel's absolute loathing for mankind was an amazing thing to witness, especially when cast against his love for H.W., his foster son. His hatred was palpable, climaxing not once, but twice in this film, both times horrible and yet totally necessary. The religion aspect of it was twisted and delicious and really makes you wonder just what there is to believe in.

I really can't wait for the Academy Awards, to see how this will fare against No Country for Old Men. Daniel'd better win, that's all I can say. Because I'll be watching, Sid Ganis. I'll be watching.

I have a distinct urge to learn the violin now.

I give There Will Be Blood 5 out of 5.

Rumors of my death...

2008-02-06T10:33:00.002-05:00

... weren't that far off the mark. I totally forgot I had this. My bad, guys. I hate to let my readers (see: 3) down!

Well, I did end up going to see Meet the Spartans due to a lapse in judgment. It was horrible. I think I laughed twice, both times reluctantly. The crowd (mostly in the 15-18 age range) found it hilarious. I sat there and lamented on the mess that Hollywood has become while checking my phone for the nth time.

But the big movie of the last few weeks for me was Atonement. I was so impressed with this film, mostly with the cinematography and the music. Keira Knightley was beautiful and did a good job, but it was James McAvoy who really stole the show. He was phenomenal, especially when he was dying of Sepsis. And that little Saoirse Ronan or whateverthehell her name is was pretty decent, too. I foresee a big career ahead of her.

But the cinematography... Oooh, I could wax poetic about that for hours. The shots were just gorgeous and the fluid way the scenes melded was amazing. The music, too, the way the typewriter keys became the harsh pounding of drums or footsteps. I LOVE IT.

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to England.

Coming soon is Vantage Point, In Bruges, and The Other Boleyn Girl.

But this weekend, I will be going to see There Will Be Blood, because D-Day is the man and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it. I can't wait!

Also, go out and vote! I voted yesterday; I felt so important for, like, two seconds.

Um. Quoi?

2008-01-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

Australian actor Heath Ledger was found dead today (01.22.08) in his New York apartment.

Um.

More to be posted as updates come in.

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

2008-01-13T23:34:00.001-05:00

Cate Blanchett won a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for I'm Not There.

I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN! I'm so happy for her.

Click here to see a list of the nominees and the winners!

"We're Back".

2008-01-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the first of the two-part premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, and I must say, I'm quite intrigued.

The series completely erases the canon established by the 3rd Terminator movie, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, so forget it ever happened.

In the year 1999, Sarah Conner (the beautiful and talented Lena Headey) and her son, John (played by Thomas Dekker... you'll remember him as Claire's ambiguously gay best friend on Heroes) are constantly on the run. John is now 15 and full of pubescent angst, struggling to come to grips with the life he lives and the life he will someday live as the leader of the human rebellion against the Terminators, cyborgs created by the computer conglomerate, Skynet. Remember all this, kiddies?

A new Terminator is hunting the Conners down, and let me tell you, bitch is crazy. He's not quite the T-1, which -- if you'll remember -- was made out of liquid metal and was so bad ass that I get chills every time I hear someone say, "say... That's a nice bike." Of course, this new Terminator throws a wrench into the whole 'We need to stay quiet and keep running' thing that Sarah has going.

Another Terminator, a good one sent from the future to protect the young John Conner, comes to help in the form of Cameron, played by the ethereal Summer Glau, who made headlines as the psycho genius from the short-lived but amazing show Firefly and its big-screen success, Serenity. Note also that Nathan Fillion were in both. ::drools::

In the first part of the two, Cameron saves them from the crazy Terminator by transporting them into the future: September of 2007. In order to stop Skynet.

O.M.G. This show is like a light at the end of a really long tunnel that was built upon striking writers (whom I'm 110% in support of). With the inkwell of television shows bone dry, Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles is just what we need. In fact, even if the writers weren't on strike, this show would stand out and up with the select few that were fan favorites and just generally good, quality entertainment (ie: Dirty Sexy Money, Heroes, etc.).

Pilots can sometimes be awkward, trying to establish all the characters and their lives, but since the characters are already known and loved it's easy to just jump right in where T2 left off. Lena Headey is a revelation as Sarah, a desperate mother with the world literally riding on her keeping John safe. Summer Glau has grown since playing River Tam, filling the part with the poise and confidence she's known for. Thomas Dekker hasn't had enough time to really delve into John, but I liked him a lot on Heroes so I have no doubt that he'll do just fine. The crazy Terminator I really hope to see more of. He's frightening and creepy and has a great twitch that reminds the viewer that he's a robot, not a human.

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles totally has my viewership! I can't wait for tomorrow to see the second part.

The show will air regularly every Monday night, 9pm, on FOX.

I didn't die!

2008-01-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

... Contrary to popular belief. I'm a bit busy, writing a screenplay and all (not to mention school starting up again in a day), but I've been slacking and I wanted to do a Quick, QUICK update on the movies I've seen, think you should see, and what's out and available to rent.

In Theaters

1. Juno - Totally worth your $10. Actually, it's worth $30 so you can see it twice more. While the dialog is very unrealistic (it's like what you wish you'd have said an hour later), it doesn't take away from the movie, and what a decent and charming movie it is. Ellen Page rules. (A)

2. Sweeney Todd - One day, there will be something that Johnny Depp can't do, and it will be a sad day, indeed. Until then, you can see him singing it up in this DARK musical. You know that when he and Tim Burton team up, it's going to be gold. Helena Bonham Carter steals the show, and ALAN RICKMAN SINGS. AND HAS STUBBLE. ::dies:: (A)

3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - I was too distracted by Nicolas Cage's hairline to really pay attention, but it was worse than the first one. Do they follow a formula? Possible treasure + Awkward family secret + Bad guys + Hairline = National Treasure? And Helen Mirren, what are you doing in such drivel? You're a queen, dammit, start picking your roles like one! (C-)

To Rent

1. Waitress - Keri Russell charms (except at the end... bitch is crazy) and Nathan Fillion talks and smiles and eats and exudes sexuality and breathes for all of us to bear witness in Adrienne Shelly's movie. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I had a terrible craving for pie at the end. Adrienne, you were an inspiration to me, especially being a writer-actress-director. You will be sorely missed. (A-)

2. Children of Men - This always makes it onto my 'Must Rent' list, because it's so damn good. Alfonso Cuaron and Clive Owen: it's like the Dream Team of cinema. Dealing with a touchy subject like the only pregnant woman in the entire world? It's I Am Legend, only... you know, good. (A)

3. Live Free or Die Hard - Action, computers, wise-cracks, Bruce Willis one-liners? WHOO! Looks like another Die Hard movie! And guess what? It's better than the second one, so you know it's good! Plus, the Mac Guy's in it and so is the dude from Deadwood. And damn, he's mean. I love it. (B+)

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Harry and his emo are back in the newest addition to the series. Unfortunately, something happened to his hair, so we're left with the fur that some sloth molted. Oh well, can't win them all. Except Imelda Staunton. She totally wins them all. Best villain EVER. (B+)

Coming Soon!

1. El Orfanato - The Spaniards always get horror right. Americans just suck at it. This shit looks scary.

2. Cloverfield - I really need to know what's destroying New York. These teaser trailers are killing me. And no, it's not a lion.

3. Teeth - Vajayjay with teeth. ZOMG.

4. 27 Dresses - I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a decent chick flick. I enjoy Katherine Heigl when she's not whining her way through another episode of Grey's. I loved her in Knocked Up and it looks like she wins again in this upcoming movie about a woman who's been a bridesmaid 27 times.

5. Meet the Spartans - I love a good spoof. Hopefully this lives up to expectations. But anyone who kicks Britney Spears down a bottomless pit is A-OK with me.

6. VANTAGE POINT OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS FREAKING MOVIE SOMEONE GO WATCH THE TRAILER IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!

7. Wall-E. See previous post. ::squeals::

UM, I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW, KTHX.

2007-12-30T22:33:00.000-05:00

So, I'm sitting in the movies today, watching the coming attractions when I see the cutest friggin' thing I've ever seen in my life. Seriously. As in, "I squeaked so loud people were probably wondering just how old I was" cute.

Wall*E, Pixar's newest creation, is going to be solid GOLD. I guarantee it.

I really do want one.

The Trailers

The Stupid is Catching (Or "Ouija Boards")

2007-12-28T23:41:00.000-05:00

It's become my little sister's newest obsession. I have to hear about it whenever I pick her up from her friend's house. Tonight, in fact, she and her friends talked to a bad spirit who hated their friend, who was absent from the get-together, and knew the girl's mother.

I know. My little sister's 17, by the way. One of the most popular kids in her school.

The standards must've been lowered since I left high school.

Ouija has really made me see that the human race will seriously resort to anything in order to obtain the unobtainable. Talking to the dead is something that we've been trying to do as a society since the first person died and the second person got kind of lonely and hoped they could still carry on a conversation, even though the first person had just been killed to shit by a Sabertooth tiger.

Today, it's a pop culture phenomenon. My sister would stop at nothing until she could have this "supernatural instrument", which naturally led to me driving my ass to the Toys 'R' Us nearest to my college in order to get one. Thank you, Parker Brothers. You bastards.

Listen up, kiddies, because Auntie R.C. is only going to break this down for you once:

1. If the dead really wanted to be talked to, believe you me, they would find a way to "contact" you. Like throwing shit around your house. I don't know, I just watched An American Haunting the other day.

2. If a Ouija board was truly an instrument to be used in getting in touch with the great beyond, it wouldn't be made accessible to the public. Or sold in a Toys 'R' Us.

3. If a ghost was going to use that little needle thing to point to letters, your hands wouldn't be anywhere near it.

4. A "bad" spirit wouldn't tell you it was so, unless he/she was a fucking nimrod in life. Wouldn't a bad spirit thrive on deception and mayhem and what have you? Only an idiot would tell you, up front, that it's probably not the best candidate as far as honesty goes.

5. A Ouija board wouldn't cost $24.99 (see #2)

It's fun for a party, but don't tell me all about contacting some douche bag who called your friend the C-word, a word I hate, and expect me to take you seriously. If it was real, a legit practice, I'd be contacting Dylan Thomas to ask if the cirrhosis was worth it.

GO TEAM VENTURE!!

2007-12-27T11:03:00.000-05:00

I love a good satire, don't you? Especially when it comes in the form of a show so smart, so witty, and so reminiscent of the old school Hanna-Barbara shows.

From the genius minds of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim comes The Venture Bros., an animated series about Doctor Venture, a failed scientist fumbling in the footsteps of his genius father, Venture's two idiot sons, Dean and Hank, and their bodyguard, a blood-thirsty government agent named Brock Sampson.

This show is GOLD.

It's always the same formula: good guys + bad guy + conflict = showdown = GOOD GUYS WIN = Cheesy ending dialog + Laughter

Christ, it's like doing FOIL in Algebra.

The Venture Bros. takes this formula and turns it upside down, bringing with it villains that have real problems, razor wit and snark, and a dysfunctional family just trying to get along. The formula is an updated one, packed with plenty of laughs (real ones) and hysterically tragic characters that you can't help but love -- even the villains.

When you're not cracking up over Brock Sampson (voiced by Patrick Warburton)'s complete disregard for human life, or the poor, under-appreciated H.E.L.P.eR robot, or sympathizing with the Monarch's henchmen (who have personalities and bits of back story), you're pitying/laughing with the Venture Brothers and their fumbling attempts to be heroes and please their father, whom is never happy.

The show's animation is fantastic, a hip update of the old ways, and is aided by the old school jazz score (but with a 21st century twist).

The Venture Bros. is a triumph, and I can't wait for Season 3 to come out. Seasons 1 and 2 are available for purchase and I highly recommend them to anyone in need of some quality entertainment.

SPOTLIGHT! And it's on.... Cate Blanchett!

2007-12-23T12:37:00.000-05:00

This was a tough one, since I was going to capitulate and do an article on Emma Thompson, my favorite actress in the entire world. But that would have been totally predictable.

Instead, I'm going to focus on the woman who's a very, very close second: Cate Blanchett.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure when I first saw Ms. Blanchett, but I can certainly name a plethora of movies she's been in and tell you how much I love them. Cate has an old Hollywood quality to her, the classic beauty she possesses and the confidant yet sensual way she portrays her characters. Never once have I ever been disappointed in her performance in any movie. She has that innate talent that is instilled in kids from the UK since birth. (See: Sean Biggerstaff's Spotlight Segment)

Although the fact that she's Australian shouldn't throw you any.

I remember watching Elizabeth I and thinking to myself, "Wow. There are no words to describe this woman; they haven't been written yet." Not one moment went by that I didn't 110% believe that she was Elizabeth I, not some actress portraying her. She was cool (like 'ice', not 'awesome'), she was genuine, and she was almost ethereal in her beautiful gowns and her commanding voice. Whenever I read Elizabeth I's Speech to the Troops at Tilbury, I hear Cate's voice resounding through my mind. In fact, I read it in class and tried to inflict Ms. Blanchett's authority into it -- I can tell you right now, even though I was praised for my handling of the piece, I didn't even come close.

Cate has the Midas Touch, without the 'unable to hug or eat anything' thing. Everything she touches is gold. Whether it's playing the impossible part of an Elvin queen (Galadriel from The Lord of the Rings movies), or a harried teacher having an affair with a student (her Oscar-winning role as Sheba Hart from Notes on a Scandal), or even 3-minute cameos in comedies (Jeannie, Nicholas Angel's ex, uncredited in Hot Fuzz), she commands the screen with such aplomb and grace, it's like reading The Faerie Queene. She's Gloriana (which is an interesting coincidence, since Spenser wrote The Faerie Queene in tribute to Elizabeth I, a role played twice by Cate).

I have yet to see The Good German and I'm dying to see I'm Not There, the biography of Bob Dylan, a movie in which Cate's portrayal of Dylan stole the show. Critic Anthony Curtis praised her performance in "The Chronicle of Higher Education" : He especially praised Cate Blanchett. "[H]er performance is a wonder, and not simply because, as Jude Quinn, she inhabits the twitchy, amphetamine-fired Dylan of 1965-66 with unnerving accuracy. Casting a woman in this role reveals a dimension to the acerbic Dylan of this era that has rarely been noted. Even as she perfectly mimics every jitter, sneer, and caustic put-down, Blanchett's translucent skin, delicate fingers, slight build, and pleading eyes all suggest the previously invisible vulnerability and fear that fueled Dylan's lacerating anger. It's hard to imagine that any male actor, or any less-gifted female actor for that matter, could have lent such rich texture to the role."

That's right. Cate Blanchett, in short, is amazing, and one day I can only hope to meet her. Or, in the extreme of my fantasies, write a role fitting enough for her.

Here's to you, Cate. Never stop making movies. NEVER. Show all these "up and coming" wannabes who they're dealing with.

Holy Preggers, Batman!

2007-12-21T21:31:00.000-05:00

Now that finals are over, I have an entire month to post as much as I goddamn well please! Aren't you all glad? I thought so.

This weekend will hold much for me in the way of cinema. There's Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton's adaptation of the play to the big-screen, which is bringing in some fantastic praise from critics (who I don't tend to listen to as much anymore ever since they kinda panned The 5th Element, so fuck 'em), Juno, with my girl Ellen Page, National Treasure 2, which I want to see only because I saw and enjoyed the first one, and maybe Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

And despite Gerard Butler being in it, forget P.S., I Love You. There's just something about Hilary Swank that makes me want to take a page out of Eddie Izzard's book and go put babies on spikes.

However, as excited as I am for this sudden burst of cinematic goodness, these movies aren't what's getting everyone all up in arms. How sad is it when some 16-year old crazie goes and gets herself preggo by some kid who looks like he's lived in California all his life, rocking the ganj?

Yes, I'm of course talking about Miss ~~Britney 2.0~~ Jamie Lynn Spears.

What is with the Spears family? Do they have a genetic predisposition toward the Stupid gene? I don't get why another girl with everything she could ever want -- a highly-rated show, a big fan following, and a bright future -- would just throw it all away for some unsafe sex. At 16.

As my friend Ken says, it boggles the fucking mind.

I really hope Jamie Lynn wakes up one morning, takes a look at her swollen belly, and realizes that she may have ruined the lives of hundreds of young girls who look up to her. The interview she gave to OK! Magazine gives off the impression that it's okay to get pregnant so young, as long as you're up front about it to your parents and the father of the child. Um, wrong message to send to impressionable, young girls. Every time I see a picture of her with a big grin, I want to shake her and ask her if it's sunk in yet just what lies ahead of her.

/end rant

Anyway, kids, listen to your Auntie R.C. and remember: USE A CONDOM. TWO, IF YOU MUST. AND THE PILL. I don't care if your minister says it's against the law of God; God ain't the one building more pews for your spawn to sit in.

Movie reviews this weekend, as well as a new Spotlight article.

"Protection is for pansies!"

I AM LEGEND.

2007-12-14T19:11:00.001-05:00

More like, "I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT".

Everyone knows the premise of the film: Robert Neville is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable, and man-made. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and maybe the world. But he is not alone. Mutant victims of the plague -- The Infected -- lurk in the shadows... watching Neville's every move... waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind's last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But he knows he is outnumbered... and quickly running out of time. (Written by Warner Bros. Pictures)

The film is an adaptation of Richard Matheson's 1954 novel of the same name, and the premise rang similarly: Neville is the only survivor of an apocalypse caused by a pandemic of bacteria, the symptoms of which are very similar to vampirism.

I had high hopes for this film, and it did have its good points. The special effects that were used to make New York look post-apocalyptic were phenomenal. Will Smith did an outstanding job as Neville, the last person on earth, and carried the film by himself with great aplomb. And the German Shepherd that played his dog, Sam, should have its own category in the Golden Globes: Best Animal in a Supporting Role.

However, the rest of the film was terrible. It was improbable, it quickly became formulaic at the arrival of two new, unfleshed characters (one which was annoying and the other completely useless), the zombies were something out of a bad video game, and the film never delved into the new psychology of the zombies, which weren't brainless cannibals, but organized -- they even had a leader! Nothing was said on them, even with the one Neville was studying.

The film's ending was disappointing, as were the final words of the voice-over. I walked out once again disenchanted with the movie industry, as well as a screenwriter's ability to transition a story line from novel to film.

My recommendation would be to save your $10 and wait until it comes out to video.

I give I AM LEGEND a 2 out of 5.

On another note, the film came with the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Hell-oh, Ben Barnes! ♥

Girl Talk: not just for females anymore! (Music)

2007-12-13T14:42:00.001-05:00

I was getting made up for a photo shoot when my friend, the photographer, asked if we could listen to some music. At my hearty consent, he brought iTunes up and began playing a series of remixed songs that were all set to an incredibly catchy beat. Amazed, I listened carefully and was able to pick out at least 10 songs I knew out of each.

Girl Talk is Pittsburgh mash-up musician Gregg Gillis. He specializes in sample-based remixes, in which he uses at least a dozen elements from different songs to create a "new" song. Seriously. I'll sit there and be like, "THAT'S GENESIS! OMG THAT'S GWEN! AND THAT'S KANSAS! AND THAT'S THE PETSHOP BOYS!"

He plays many shows in clubs, and I almost got to go to one but couldn't due to the FLU. Stupid virus, ruining my life.

Night Ripper is his most recent album, 16 tracks, all amalgamations of rap, pop, old school rock, and grunge. They're amazingly catchy and very fun to work out to. When I was stuck in the Overlook Hotel, I'd listen to them every day on the treadmill. It's a fun album and never gets old, especially when you're constantly discovering the songs in the mixes.

I highly recommend Girl Talk to anyone looking for something bouncy to listen to when exercising, running, or on the highway and in need of something fun.

The Golden Compass: The Review

2007-12-07T22:02:00.001-05:00

So, after my mother took me out to dinner I took myself to the nearest Showcase Cinemas and saw the 7:30 showing of The Golden Compass. Going in, I wasn't sure what to expect, having not read the book (I wanted to wait to read it, that way I wouldn't be disappointed).

The movie was okay for the most part. The special effects were decent, but it was the acting that really shined. You know how in some movies, it's the cinematography or the script? This time, it was the acting.

For the six and a half minutes that he was on-screen, Daniel Craig rocked. He commanded everyone's attention, even when he wasn't yelling or giving the Council the 007 Glare. Nicole Kidman came to life for once and put in a stellar performance as Marisa Coulter, the head of the Magisterium, who was simultaneously sweet and poisonous... and had a real douche bag of a monkey for a daemon, or animal spirit. Sam Elliot was a cowboy... literally. He was SO good, what with his drawl and his jack rabbit daemon named Hester and his very shiny gun and his greasy hair and Gregory Peck eyebrow-mustache. Ian McKellen was BOMB as Iorek Byrnison, the armored bear, with his strong voice. Every time he got angry, or spoke, I was like, "bitch is gonna die."

EVA GREEN. I want to be you when I grow up. Why are you so pretty and so talented and pretty?

And last but not least, Dakota Blue Richards. She was fantastic as Lyra Belacqua, the protagonist. This is her breakout role and I do think that after this trilogy is done we shall be seeing more of her. I hope we do. She was the right amount of petulant and sarcastic and brave, never afraid to take charge of a scene, even among veteran actors. She was comfortable and genuine, and reminded me a little of myself when I was younger. You know, running through fields and talking to animals and hanging out with old men and gypsies on dirigibles.

However, as fun and fantastic as the acting was, the movie was terribly rushed. I do know some about author Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series, and even without reading the three books I could tell that his characters lost their nuances and the plot was simplified in order to appease a two-hour limit, which is a shame, because I would have loved to have learned more about the characters and the world. A lot of people complained that it was hard to keep up and that they didn't understand some of it. Understandable. Some things definitely got lost in translation while filming this.

But for an adaptation, it could have been worse. It was okay, although not as well thought out as the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings films.

Go see it, though, if you've got 2 hours to spare and want to see two polar bears kick the ever-loving shit out of each other. And while you're there, kick a Catholic. They're protesting kids going to see this movie because they're afraid the kids will read the books and become atheists. That's right, Catholics, let's not allow our children to read. Have them turn on The Real World, instead.

I give The Golden Compass a 2.5 out of 5.

Bitch is crazy!

REMINDER!

2007-12-07T09:13:00.000-05:00

Go see the Atheist movie! It opened today!

Tin Man was... kinda like lead.

2007-12-03T10:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I watched the 2-hour premiere of SciFi's new miniseries, Tin Man, which is a darker spin on Frank L. Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

The premise was interesting: Tomboyish D.G., played by Zooey Deschanel (whom I love), gets whisked into the O.Z. (Outer Zone), where evil sorceress Azkadellia (Kathleen Robertson) is searching for the Emerald and will use whatever means to get it. D.G. is accompanied by Glitch, the former advisor to the former queen whose brain was stolen, Raw, a humanoid lion who is empathetic as well as clairvoyant, and Cain, a former "tin man" or police officer whose family was taken from him.

Unfortunately, the premise, save for performances by Alan Cumming as Glitch, was really the only shining point of the program. The special effects were mediocre at best, and the script made me want to gouge my eyes out with a spork.

It makes me sad that this is kind of meh. I love Zooey, and I think she's a fantastic actress. The role of D.G. would have been perfect for her if only the script had been better.

Azkadellia is horribly cliché; she's every wicked sorceress you've ever seen, and aside from being able to suck the life out of people she's not all that terrifying. She really can't walk in the boots she's wearing, either.

I'm going to try and stick with it, because maybe it'll pick up, but I was so unimpressed that this might be finished for me.

Good try, though, SciFi. Maybe next time you'll get a better screenplay.

IT PREMIERES TONIGHT!

2007-12-02T12:26:00.001-05:00

SciFi's original new series Tin Man premieres tonight at 9pm.

I can't wait.

Be sure to watch it! I'll post thoughts about it tomorrow!

To those in the northern part of the country....

2007-12-01T23:31:00.000-05:00

... I write this letter on your behalf.

Dear God,

It's 19 degrees.

Cut the shit.

Freezing/possibly dying of hypothermia,

R.C.

It's the most horrible time of the year.

2007-11-30T11:23:00.001-05:00

As sure as the sun will rise and as sure as someone's going to rehab, the end of this semester is drawing nigh!

A good portion of this blog's readers (count: 3) are college students, or at least have friends/relatives that are, and they're probably beginning to stress. There are finals to study for, all-nighters, big papers to write. Red Bull's stock usually sky-rockets around this time.

However, every student can easily be distracted, as they are vulnerable and their attention spans drop to that of a sock.

Here are some ways to survive the next two weeks:

1. Make a list. Not like your Santa lists, unless swearing gets you going. List all the things you need to get done, ranging them from most important/time-consuming to least. And check off the things you do finish.

2. Strategize: Plan so that one subject doesn't take time away from another. If you have two papers to write before the end and one is due before another, don't invest ALL your time into the first one. Be sure to outline the second one and keep thinking about it.

3. For the love of all things good in this world (cake, Sean Biggerstaff, books by Terry Pratchett), get the fuck off of Facebook. Even the most well-meaning student can sit down with every intention of writing a paper and instead find themselves on Facebook with five other windows open, not entirely sure how it happened. Do yourself a favor: stay off of Facebook, stay off of AIM (or at least put up an away message that says you can only be bothered if someone's bleeding out their eyes or if the meadow is on fire), and don't text anybody. This is homework time.

4. Start early. The earlier start you get, the more time you'll have to laugh at everyone else for slacking. And believe me, there's no other ego-boost like it.

5. Metabolize! Eat snacks while you work to keep your energy up. Celery, carrots, cookie dough (or, well, don't)... Don't eat anything too sugary or you'll crash and find yourself watching a marathon of Project Runway. Not that I know from experience.

6. Don't be afraid to ask teachers or tutors for help. Too brain-dead to think of your own ideas? Need a kick in the right direction? That's what they're there for! And they usually get paid; teachers and tutors like to see this kind of proactive shit.

7. Take short breaks. NOW you can hit Facebook or Youtube, but limit your time to about 10 minutes or less. Don't get caught up adding stupid applications so you can make Christmas trees or commenting on EVERY picture someone tagged you in. Not only are you procrastinating, but you're being obnoxious.

8. Be proud of yourself! If you've managed to accomplish one of these things, then there's no stopping you! ... Unless, you know, you get hit by a mack truck or something, but why the hell would you be playing on the highway in the first place?

And remember! R.C. loves you. Sorta.

Um. Holy Cow.

2007-11-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

The Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, CA reported one anonymous woman volunteer as having 134 orgasms in the span of an hour.

I don't know whether to be jealous or slap on a chastity belt for all eternity.

SONG OF THE DAY!!

2007-11-29T11:42:00.000-05:00

The newest segment! Every week on Thursday I will post a song that I think you ought to be aware of. It will be a different genre, band, era, whatever every time -- or at least most of the time. Click the song title, download, and enjoy!

This week's song is Broken Social Scene's powerful Lover's Spit.

*THIS SONG WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR 7 DAYS ONLY!*

**If you download, I want to know your thoughts. So don't click if you don't want to share.**

I first heard this song in a (favorite) Queer as Folk episode and fell in love. Every time I listen to this, I feel an odd combination of depression, envy, and buoyancy.

Thoughts?

Denzel Washington is the MAN.

2007-11-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

I'll admit, I got this in an email sent to me by my mother (who rocks, btw, and you're all super jealous because she isn't your mother), and I was so moved by it that I needed to post it:

Don't know whether you heard about this

but Denzel Washington and his family visited

the troops at Brook Army Medical Center , in

San Antonio , Texas (BAMC) the other day. This

is where soldiers who have been evacuated from

Germany come to be hospitalized in the United

States, especially burn victims. There are some

buildings there called Fisher Houses. The Fisher

House is a Hotel where soldiers' families can stay,

for little or no charge, while their soldier is staying

in the Hospital. BAMC has quite a few of these houses

on base, but as you can imagine, they are almost filled

most of the time.

While Denzel Washington was visiting BAMC, they gave

him a tour of one of the Fisher Houses. He asked how

much one of them would cost to build. He took his check

book out and wrote a check for the full amount right there

on the spot. The soldiers overseas were amazed to hear

this story and want to get the word out to the American

public, because it warmed their hearts to hear it.

So, the email goes on to asking why A-holes like Madonna, Sean Penn, and that bad Baldwin father continue to make the front page of every paper with their anti-everything trash, but Denzel's charity only makes page 3 of some no-name paper in San Antonio.

Why is that?

Because the American Media sucks, that's why. But we knew that.

Anyway, the point of this was to make you guys aware that not only is Denzel a great actor, but he's a great guy, too.

NEW NAME, NEW.... actually, no, that's about it.

2007-11-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

I've changed the name of this blog to "Because Your Life Isn't Interesting". Because it's not.

♥

Something about a watch and talking animals...?

2007-11-27T16:24:00.000-05:00

Catholic groups are boycotting Newline Cinema's The Golden Compass, because it supposedly promotes Atheism.

Um, no offense to the Catholics, but shut up, grab some popcorn, and enjoy a movie with Daniel Craig, Sam Elliot, and Ian McKellen as a bear.

Is it December 7th yet? Because I am crawling the walls in anticipation.

Technorati Profile

"Foiled" (2006), a review of Blue October's most recent CD

2007-11-27T11:43:00.000-05:00

While you're all working hard on making your wreath balls and writing your X-mas lists, I'm going to tell you all about a band called Blue October.

When my dorm had burned down and I was trapped in the Overlook Hotel, my roommate and I were watching VH1 one afternoon, where the video for "Into the Ocean" was featured. The song immediately struck something in me and I immediately downloaded it and listened to it over and over and over and -- well, you get the gist.

Not long after, I purchased the entire CD, "Foiled", and set about listening to it. However, I only really listened to "Into the Ocean" and "X Amount of Words", because I clearly have an attention span that will allow only two items into my mind at any given period of time.

But I just recently listened to "Foiled" in its entirety, and the CD blew me away.

Blue October is comprised of Justin Furstenfeld (lead vocals), Jeremy Furstenfeld (drums, percussion), Ryan Delahoussaye (violin/viola, mandolin, piano, vocals), C.B. Hudson (guitar) and Matt Noveskey (bass guitar). The band originated in Houston, TX.

The songs are written by Justin, who is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and has battled with bipolar disorder through most of his life. Most of the songs are about his battles with addiction, overcoming them, and letting go. And even for the listeners who have never, first-hand, experienced drug or alcohol addiction, the lyrics are relatable and hypnotically beautiful, from the flow and ebb beat of "Into the Ocean" to the smarting, harsh "Hate Me" to the forgiving and hopeful "Overweight". All of the songs are poetry at its finest, and make me wonder just what it is I'm doing with my writing career, because I could never string together those sentences and have them flow like that.

Blue October is innovative and not afraid to throw addiction, something society tends to sweep under the rug and hope it will resolve itself, into the faces of the listeners, not to demand sympathy but rather to remind that there are people out there who need sympathy, or even just a kind word or smile. And they pull that off without sounding preachy in the least.

I recommend "Foiled" to anyone who knows what it's like to hurt and feel alone, or knows someone who feels that way, or just simply wants to listen to beautiful words put to beautiful music.

"Foiled" definitely gets a 5 out of 5.

X-mas List Writing!

2007-11-26T15:54:00.001-05:00

No matter your age, you always make a list of the things you want for X-mas. Or Christmas. Or whatever Let's-Exchanged-Gifts-Holiday.

So for years, I've slowly cultivated my list-writing skillz and have come up with a sure-fire way of getting whatever it is you ask for!

Because I'm so nice, I will be posting my own list as an example. Follow along and take notes. By the time you're done, you will be a X-mas list-writing pro!

Dear Santa, (always start off with 'dear'; it shows your sincerity)

You know, I'm used to disappointment, but fourteen years and still no pony?! That's fucking ridiculous and I demand some compensation for the trauma I've suffered. (use expletives and big words -- Santa's old and easily confused)

These are my demands:

~~1. World Domination~~
1. A giraffe. Stuffed or live, either is fine. If you can't swing the giraffe, then give me my damn pony!

2. A new cookie sheet. The one I have now is all burnt and one of the edges is curling up... probably from the time I made that giant peanut butter/chocolate chip cookie that was bigger than my head.

3. Sean Biggerstaff -- I don't even need to give a reason for this one. (Less is more, kids. Great things just don't need words)

~~4. World Domination~~

4. The Batmobile. As a Batman fan, I need to show my appreciation for the comic/tv series somehow, and what better way than to advertise it while doing 120 on the highway? No cop would ticket me because they'd all be too busy staring in awe at the blazing tire marks in the road, wishing they, too, had the Batmobile.

5. An apology from Britney Spears for running over one of my family members. It hasn't happened yet, but it's only a matter of time. (Looking to the future -- always a good decision)

6. The entire collection of MST3k, because a show that awesome needs someone to view every episode repeatedly... and I think I'm just the person for the job.

7. Oh, what the hell. World Domination. (Santa's extra good to the ones who have big expectations)

8. An end to the Writer's Strike, because dammit, I have screenplays to write and while this stupid thing is going on (I support it whole-heartedly, btw) I can't actually do anything with them!

9. Waitress on DVD. Two words, fat man: Nathan. Fillion.

10. 2-3 inches added to my height. I'm a short ass, and we all know it. Make my life a little easier so I don't need to climb on kitchen counters to reach the top shelf.

11. A new president (Santa loves politics, kids!) An IQ of at least 90 is a must.

12. Erase the three new Star Wars movies. You know you want to.

13. Bring back the 40's. Please.

14. STOP THE TV STATIONS FROM PLAYING THOSE STOOPID STOP & SHOP COMMERCIALS! I DON'T REALLY CARE IF STOP & SHOP WORKS FOR THOSE LOSERS; THEY'RE INTERRUPTING MY QUALITY TIME WITH DONALD SUTHERLAND AND SAM WATERSTON!

Thanks, Santa! Give my love to Mrs. Claus!

Love always, (This negates all the mean things you said)
R.C.

ps: Those cookies, believe it or not, AREN'T for you. So stop eating them! Start eating the celery sticks with your pack mules, you could stand to lose a few.

See? Don't you feel more knowledgeable now? NOW GO, MY GENTLE SNOWFLAKES, AND WRITE YOUR OWN LISTS! Don't pull any punches (Santa hates the weak)! And remember: Christmas is a time for giving, but X-mas is a time for everything else! ♥

X-MASTIME IDEAS, part 1.

2007-11-25T09:49:00.000-05:00

As sure as the sun will rise and as sure as Britney will run you over, X-mastime is upon us! Or Christmastime. Hanukkahtime. Kwanzaatime. Whatever you believe.

And as your host of this lovely site, it's my job to offer you ideas for gifts, whatever your delight may be. Is it for a lover? A parent? A sibling? A roommate? A person who's not really a friend but you'd feel bad if you didn't get them something?

WELL THEN HAVE I GOT SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU!!!

~~1. Get better friends~~

Treats

No matter how many new diets come out or how many people you know are on a no-carb, no-fat, no-good kick, everyone abandons their "routine" in favor of the holidays. It's in our blood to bulk up for the winter to hibernate, and what better way to do that than to eat junk food, or as I like to call it, good shit?

Here's a recipe that is bulletproof. And if the gift's for a guy or girl friend, it's sure to get you laid!

Wreath Balls!

You will need...

* 1/2 cup butter (if I hear anyone bitching about how many calories are in butter, I will come over there and beat you.)
* 30 large marshmallows
* 1 1/2 teaspoons green food coloring
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 4 cups cornflakes cereal (like Special K! ... Not the drug.)
* 2 tablespoons cinnamon red hot candies

1. Melt the butter in a large saucepan over low heat. Add the marshmallows, and cook until melted, stirring constantly. If you stop stirring for even a SECOND, it will rise up and slay you. Next, remove from heat, and stir in the food coloring, vanilla, and ~~Ketamine~~ cornflakes.

2. Quickly drop big, honkin' tablespoonfuls of the mixture onto waxed paper, and form into a wreath shape with lightly greased fingers (so for those who've always wanted to bathe in Crisco, now's your moment to shine). Immediately decorate with red hot candies. Allow to cool to room temperature before removing from waxed paper, and storing in an airtight container.

I WANT JAMES MARSDEN TO SEARCH FOR ME!!

2007-11-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"

Tonight, I decided to show the world my love for Disney by going to see Enchanted, a movie where the animated and real worlds collide. And it was the most adorable thing ever.

Perpetually-optimistic and saccharine Princess Giselle (Amy Adams), having found Prince Edward (James Marsden) just yesterday, is on her way to the chapel to be married to him so that they may have their happily ever after. However, Edward's wicked mother Narissa (Susan Sarandon) refuses to let her son be married, because then she would lose her throne. So she tricks Giselle into taking a little detour to make a wish at a magic wishing well -- and pushes the princess down it, sending her to a world "where there are no happily ever afters", aka New York City, where Giselle is shocked that the real world isn't all sunshine and puppies. She meets jaded divorce attorney Robert Philip (Patrick Dempsey) and they... you probably know where this is going.

What a clever concept, Disney! I mean, seriously. I applaud you. It's about time you came up with something original.

The movie was charming and never had a down moment. Adams delights as Giselle, complete with shocked gasps and swooning and spontaneous singing and choreographed dancing, thinking the best of everyone (she's heard of being angry but never knew it really happened). Dempsey is hilarious as Robert, who doesn't sing or dance or believe in happily ever afters, even after 5 years of dating his girlfriend, Nancy (Indina Menzel). Sarandon, deliciously evil as Narissa, hams it up, channeling every evil Disney queen, from Maleficent to Ursula.

And James Marsden... oh my GAHD, he rocked as clueless and conceited Prince Edward, on his quest to save his true love, which includes stabbing buses and breaking out into song only to be run over by a group of bikers. He was so over-the-top and campy that he completely stole the show.

And the best part? EVERY SINGLE Disney cliché was used. I mean, all of them. From Snow White's poisoned apple to Cinderella's ~~slave labor~~ helpful rodents... Huh. There were a lot of animals in this film. What is this, Esop's fables?

Anyway, Enchanted was light, fluffy fun and a great way to pass 2 hours.

I give Enchanted 4 out of 5. If only because Timothy Spall didn't get enough screen time.

Congratulations, Sean!

2007-11-20T18:47:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Sean Biggerstaff for winning the BAFTA Scotland Award for BEST ACTOR in TELEVISION. He won for his portrayal of Jeremy Wolfenden in Consenting Adults.

That's right, bitches. I told you he's going places.

Photo taken without permission from the Sean Biggerstaff Official Site. I can expect Scotland Yard to arrive at my doorstep with a warrant for my arrest anytime now.

SPOTLIGHT! And it's on... Nathan Fillion!

2007-11-19T12:01:00.001-05:00

I first saw Nathan Fillion during the last season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where he played crazy priest Caleb, who worked for the original evil. And he was so creepy and yet so unbelievably handsome, I (of course) sat up and took notice. After a while, I looked past the good looks and was amazed at the acting, how natural he was and how very comfortable he was with himself and his character.

And I was all, "dayum, the man's good."

It was a year or so later that a friend of mine from college asked me to go to the movies with him to see Serenity, which was a big-screen adaptation of a television show that had been canceled. The girl that lived next door to my dorm was in love with the show and would frequently let people borrow her DVDs. After hearing about it from her and now from my friend, I went and researched the show called Firefly. An outer space western, complete with a snarky pirate-cowboy captain and his rowdy crew. And said captain, Malcolm Reynolds, was played by Nathan Fillion.

"Hells yes, I'll go!" I said to my friend. We went to the movies and I was far from disappointed. While the movie was non-stop action and great effects and humor, it was Nathan who shined as Mal Reynolds, sarcasting (new word!) his way through the film with his devil-may-care grin and southern lilt. And girls all across the galaxy swooned, including this one right here. I was hooked.

For Firefly, Nathan won the "Cinescape Genre Face of the Future - Male" award by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films, USA, as well as the SyFy Genre Awards in 2006 for Best Actor/Television.

Isn't it nice when others recognize greatness?

I then found out that when Fox canceled the acclaimed Firefly, he and Alan Tudyk (another actor made of awesome) threw a party for the cast and crew. The infamous 'We Don't Work for FOX Anymore!' Party. After learning this, I wasn't just hooked, I was in ~~lust~~ love.

Nathan went on to star in the horror-comedy Slither, which I watched for the first time last night. I don't usually do well with horror movies, but I find that as I age and generally care less and less about everything horror doesn't bother me the way it used to. But anyway, what an awesome spoof movie, especially for him. Nathan does snark so well; we're made for each other. He won a 2006 Fangoria Chainsaw Awards nomination for Slither in the category of Dude You Don't Wanna Mess With.

He also had the starring role in the doomed TV show Drive, another Fox canceled production. My mother had been hooked on this show and was devastated when it ended. My weekly TV line-up was so booked that I had no time to watch it, but I, too, was saddened that Fox once again screwed him over (and not in the good, life-affirming way, either).

Waitress came out in 2006 to the delight of critics everywhere. Nathan played opposite Kerri Russell as a doctor with whom she begins an affair (and who the fuck can blame her? I mean, seriously?), but then ends things with him! Bitch is crazy. The film was critically acclaimed. Unfortunately, the director, Adrienne Shelley, was murdered before she could see the film open at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival. (RIP, Adrienne)

Sorry to bring down the party. Back to Nathan.

Nathan launched a charitable project called "Kids Need to Read" on August 6th, 2007. I swear to God, the man's making a long-distance proposal to me. Usually I'm the one trying to get kids to read. I reiterate: we're made for each other.

According to www.imdb.com, Nathan's working on the new movie Trucker. WITH MICHELLE MONAGHAN. 2008 is going to be the best year ever.

So, in conclusion:

1. Nathan Fillion is about as close to "GOD" as one can get, aside from Donald Sutherland and Sean Biggerstaff.

2. He's an amazing actor whose talents are totally under-appreciated.

3. My ring size is a 6, but I wear rings on my middle finger only, so a 7's probably better. And I don't wear gold, Nathan, just to give you the head's up.

Go out, my gentle snowflakes, and go buy Firefly and Serenity and Waitress and Slither. You can also watch him on Sundays where he plays Adam Mayfair on Desperate Housewives.

And then write to Fox and tell them that they suck.

What To Watch on a Rainy Saturday Night

2007-11-16T23:31:00.000-05:00

Mystery Science Theater 3000. MST3k.

Probably the best show ever.

Do you hate B-movies? Or love to hate them? Would you like to watch a guy and 2 robots watch them and make fun of them all the way through?

Then this is the show for you.

All episodes can be found on Youtube. I recommend "Prince of Space", "Werewolf", and "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians".

Nobody Owns Frank Lucas: "American Gangster" movie review

2007-11-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

Ridley Scott, I love you. You know why? Because you directed Alien, that's why. Because you directed G.I. Jane and Gladiator.

And I know you meant well with this film, I really do. But you didn't quite mean well enough.

For the first, oh, let's say 1.25 hours of American Gangster, I had only four thoughts enter my head:

1. Damn, Denzel's still got it, never lost it come to think of it, and will always have it.

2. Those damn kids in front of me better stop throwing shit at the moviegoers in front of them or I'm going to flip my shit, and why the hell are 10-year olds in this kind of a movie, anyway?

3. Wow, this is dragging.

4. Russell Crowe's going to throw a phone at somebody.

While the performances were nothing short of great (what can you expect from Denzel Washington and that guy who uses Nextel as his own personal WMD?), the movie itself was too long, too convoluted, and didn't have enough screen time for Chiwetel Ejiofor.

However, it did somewhat pick up during the second half, only to fall a bit short again. It wasn't until the climax (the police raid) that I really sat up and paid attention to something other than the performances and the dialog. This scene was so eye-popping and -- dare I say it -- real. For a film set in the 1970's, they didn't go all anachronistic and fit the squad with flak jackets and M-16's. They gave them rifles, boot-cut blue jeans, and mallets.

That was one thing I really enjoyed about the movie: they never let you forget what the time period was. Vietnam was always being talked about and being used for financial gain, people were driving cars I don't even know the names of, they were listening to 60's and 70's dance music, and a 20% tip for a full breakfast was $1.

Ridley Scott tried his best, but there was something about this film that fell flat, even among all the charismatic gangsters, the interesting drug ring, the family dramas, the police corruption.

American Gangster is a lot better than most of the movies out there, but it certainly isn't the best. But I recommend it to anyone who has 2.5 hours to spare and whoever wants to see the Denzel Washington at his high point.

Plus, I hear that Russell's buying stock in T-Mobile, so you'd better go if you value your face.

I give American Gangster a 4/5.

Wow, way to knock me out of my comfort zone, ABC.

2007-11-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

I was perfectly fine with disliking this season of Grey's. I've felt like it's lost a lot of its magic, especially when we take into consideration the whole thing with Eva (recycling the Denny Duquette storyline? C'mon, Shonda.) and this George-Izzie relationship that makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

So, after missing the first half of last week's episode and tuning in and out of the second half, I decided to sit down and watch last night's episode, "Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction (4.07)".

And it was good.

::blink::

Did I miss a meeting? I mean, seriously, I was all good with Grey's going steadily downhill. I'd come to terms with it after the whole "let's crash a CRUISELINER INTO A FUCKING BRIDGE" hullabaloo, or whatever happened.

And today? I felt a spark while watching. The spark I'd felt back when I first started with Season 1. Maybe it's the Dr. Hahn replacing Burke as the Cardiothorastic guru, or maybe it's Derek and Meredith hopefully getting their shit together. Maybe it's Lexie Grey, Meredith's half-sister, and all of her adorable awkwardness.

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE EVA'S FINALLY GONE!!!!

Whatever it is, life is slowly creeping back into this show. I do have a few complaints that ABC may soon fix:

1. You turned Callie from a kick-ass force of nature into a scatter-brained, incompetent, mopey incompetent. Um, stop?

2. I still think Kate Walsh needs to come back to the show. That Private Practice is wonderfully mediocre and she's squandering her talent there. But if she wants to bring Tim Daly with her, then by all means...

3. Izzie and George used to be likable. Now they're just annoying. And together, they make me want to go out and start lighting fires. Do whatever you have to in order to end this. Izzie'd already said she'd lost the love of her life when Denny died, and then two seconds later she's confessing her love to George? I don't buy it, and neither does the rest of the audience. CUT. THE. SHIT.

Conclusion: Looks like my Thursday nights are booked again. Damn.

Interview with the Va-- Director.

2007-11-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

The stairs groaned their displeasure as I walked up to the door that would lead me to my very first interview, two plates of home-made chocolate chip peanut butter cookies balancing in my hand. All I could think about was that I knew how it would go: he would listen to my questions, stifle a laugh, and then suggest I come back once I gained a modicum of intelligence.

It was almost enough to make me leave the cookies at the door and high-tail it back down the stairs.

But despite my worries I knocked and waited a moment until the door swung open, revealing Devon Scalisi, veteran actor of Salem State and first-time director. He smiled disarmingly and ushered me in, thanking me again for doing this (and for making cookies).

"This is my first interview," Devon admitted as we took our two-person party into his room. He sprawled out in his computer chair, the very picture of relaxed grace, and I sat stiffly on the edge of his bed, shuffling my questions and toying with the blue bedspread. His fingers tapped out a cigarette from a pack that materialized out of nowhere, deftly igniting the end. Devon took a drag from it and sighed at the rush of nicotine.

"That's good," I laughed, voice quavering. "This is my first interview, too. We can be horrible together!"

He snorted and I added 'suave' to the list of the things in life I've failed at being.

"Okay," I began, taking out my camera to film the entire conversation, and suddenly he sat up straight, all business now, eyes smoldering and mouth pinched into a thin line. "Why 12 Angry Jurors?"

Harmless question. Hopefully I would get an answer just as innocuous.

With a thoughtful noise, he tapped the accumulating ashes from his cigarette into a glass ashtray. "Why 12 Angry Jurors… when I first started to look for a play, I started to think about ensemble, something where no one would be hogging the spotlight. It was important to me to have everyone on the same page. When you have leads, for example: they have their bows at the end, and if you have something like A Doll's House, Nora and Torvald will undoubtedly take the last bow. As they should, for they're the two characters that move the story along. I didn't want to have [in 12 Angry Jurors] main characters that the story revolves around. Sure, there are characters that speak more than others in the show, but you need the 12 to move the story along. I wanted an ensemble piece where the characters would be on stage together, growing together, with no separation."

He trailed off and then smiled, satisfied, while I sat there gaping like a fool, wondering how I would ever edit something that in-depth, how I would be able to take anything out of an answer like that and still leave it whole.

"Cool," tumbled inadequately from my lips and I inwardly groaned. He must have thought I was the most life-challenged person to ever walk the earth. I drew in a shaky breath. "I, um, sorry." I glanced back down at the sheet of paper, at the second question which was horribly cliché. My career in journalism was looking dismal. And then I remembered that I wasn't a journalist.

I lifted my head and met his eye. He'd been acting all his life; I could act for the next half hour and make him believe I was Confidence incarnate. "You're an actor first, having performed in a great many plays (including William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Edward Albee's Zoo Story, John Guare's Six Degrees of Separation, and Samuel Beckett's Endgame), so when was it that you first started acting? What was your first actual performance?"

A grin lit Devon's face, and I relaxed. He was going to play along. " I first started acting -- my first actual play performance -- my senior year of high school. I had a teacher who, with the drama department, was putting on a musical, and I wasn't a musical guy, I still have problems with them but have learned to embrace them more now." He laughed and shrugged, tapping the ashes off his cigarette, quickly burning to the filter. "So, I didn't participate and my teacher wanted to know why. I told him I didn't have any interest. He asked me what I would like to do, and I said I'd like to perform gritty, little one-acts, grittier theater, because I had done some class work for Equus at the time and it really enticed me.

"So we turned a classroom into a make-shift, small little black box theater, and we would perform these one-acts for an audience who could fit into this classroom. I did three of them my senior year, one or two or three-person shows, and I loved it. That was my first real taste of theater."

His answers were so fluid, so natural, that I felt I was watching a really good movie, where it feels like no time at all passes. I was so enraptured with his words, absorbing them, that it took me a moment to realize he had finished and was now looking expectantly at me for the next question.

"When did you decide you were ready to direct?"

He chuckled. "Oh, wow… hm. That's a good question." I glowed under the praise. "I'd taken a directing class a year and a half ago, but because of my schedule I had to drop it, I had too much going on. Then I re-took it last year, but I mean… I knew I wanted to try it eventually. I like to think I have an organized mind, a grander scheme of a conceptual vision, but I would never actually label myself as a potential director. I've always been an actor-in-training. After being here so long, I felt I'd come to a point -- in my Super Senior Year," he broke off to grin, "and decided that in the setting of a student theater ensemble production (shows put on and acted by students) it would be the time to start directing."

It was time to reveal a secret no journalist would ever admit to: "So, I don't know all that much about the play" -- ouch -- "but I know that there's this idea of a mandatory death sentence, which couldn't be instilled in the current justice system. In what kind of world does the play take place?"

His answer was immediate. "1975. Catherine Bertrand (the artistic director) and I were deciding on a time for the play to take place, and we decided upon 1975 after some research. It was the year of Taylor vs. Louisiana, a case in which -- in the end -- his verdict shouldn't have been. It was also a time in which women didn't serve on a jury panel… actually, 1975 was the last year that this rule was present. Louisiana was the last state to get rid of it.

"1975 was a violent era. The social norm was changing; it was a post-hippie world, Vietnam was ending, Nixon resigned… people were turning to sex, drugs, disco as modes of escape while the reality was that things were extremely tense. Angry. It was an era of hostility. The Taylor vs. Louisiana case just added to it: a panel of white men deciding the fate of a minority."

Almost finished. "The play was originally titled "12 Angry Men", but there are women cast in some of the roles. What were your intentions behind this?"

A bright smile curled his lips. "Sherman Sergel wrote a version titled 12 Angry Women, but the dialog was softened. Women are normally written to be more sensitive -- I don't like that, and I didn't like that version, so I used the script from 12 Angry Men. I wanted the women to have language tendencies of men."

I grinned, his happiness infectious. "Do you plan on directing anything in the future?"

"Yes! In fact, the theater group I helped co-found, Counter-Productions Theater Company, is putting on a production of Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamet at the Factory Theater in South Boston. It's another grittier play, another depiction of the raw side of the human equation. The violent deconstruction of man, and the greed of man."

Trying to think of a good segue-way into my last question failed, so I asked outright, staring at this man, a chameleon, a creator, a voice that spoke above most others. "Any advice for all the aspiring directors out there?"

"Know why you want to do a show. "Because I like it" doesn't cut it. Have a reason, know how you want to affect an audience. Theater exists for the audience, not for the glory of a director. Find honesty in the piece. You have to love a show to illustrate what it can do for everyone else."

12 Angry Jurors is playing at the Callan Studio Theater November 8th, 9th, 10th at 8pm and the 11th at 2pm.

Gone, baby. Just gone.

2007-11-02T20:55:00.002-04:00

Ben Affleck, I'm not a religious person by any stretch, but I mean it sincerely when I say that I forgive you your trespasses.

Ben's directorial debut was fan-f*cking-tastic, and I mean that. It's so nice to pay $10 and not see something that sucks. Gone, Baby, Gone was ridiculously good. There wasn't a bad thing about it.

Let's start with the synopsis: In the gritty streets of South Boston, a little girl named Amanda McCready goes missing, her disheveled mother begging on TV for whoever it was that took her to let her come home. Local private investigators and lovers, Patrick Kenzie and Angie Gennaro, are asked by the little girl's aunt and uncle to assist in the case, already the police's top priority. Along with two detectives, Patrick uncovers a conspiracy that delves far deeper than mere police corruption.

Casey Affleck ("the cuter and better actor" Affleck brother) bursts into his first leading role with such genuineness and skill, you'd think he'd been an A-list actor for years. He was so quietly real, so hard as Patrick, both real man and character having been cultivated on the streets of Southie. On a scale of 1-10, his performance was a 10 to the 10th power.

Ed Harris played detective Remy Bressant, a man who's seen many things, who believes that sometimes you need to do the wrong thing in order to do the right. Harris, a veteran actor, was awesome, and not at all what he appeared. Bressant was the kind of anti-hero you love... only to find your faith in him shattered when you get too comfortable. There were moments where I felt like he was yelling at me, he was so into it.

The supporting cast was great, Michelle Monaghan as Angie, the idealist girlfriend and voice of reason. I loved her so much as Harmony in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, one of my favorite comedies, and I was glad to see her skill wasn't limited to just humor. Amy Ryan as coked-out Helene McCready was phenomenal, continually having me torn between cringing at her language and indifference to her child's disappearance and sympathizing with her as the reality of the situation came crashing down upon her. Amy Madigan as Beatrice was amazingly heartfelt, her desperation to find Amanda at any cost just tugged at me. Titus Welliver is a new face for me, but he was great, although his mustache was a bit distracting (it had its own life force, like Sam Waterston's eyebrows).

And Morgan Freeman is Morgan Freeman. 'Nuff said. There are no words for his greatness.

The cinematography, though, was what clinched it, the shots of Boston, of the real people who inhabit Southie, never sparing us from those who would be deemed ugly or disgusting. There would be shots of the sides of buildings, eroding with time and carelessness, graffitied, everyone leaving their mark. There was one shot of a quarry, surrounded by jagged cliffs, that reflected the sky in the water, and it was like looking up a well into the sky up-side down. I wanted that image hanging on my wall, it was so well captured.

The film itself always left you guessing until the very end, never revealing a thing. The viewer learned with Patrick, was a part of the investigation from beginning to end to after-end. It was a poignant piece that will definitely stay with me, cement Ben Affleck's career as a director, and open up a mess of doors for the littlest Affleck.

I give Gone Baby Gone 5 out of 5.

Rest In Peace...

2007-10-30T22:37:00.000-04:00

Robert Goulet is dead.

::cries::

Nov. 26, 1933 - Oct. 30, 2007

It's, like, impossible....

2007-10-29T12:12:00.001-04:00

... that TV has a show THIS good. Seriously. I remember when I used to like Grey's Anatomy, but not even that or Heroes can compare to the love I have for Dirty Sexy Money.

But Trip wasn't so awesome in this episode. WHICH SHOWS HOW AMAZING AN ACTOR DONALD SUTHERLAND REALLY IS!!!!

In the latest episode, "The Bridge", it's the twins' 25th birthday, which means that they're being awarded $25 million each. To "help them get started" in life. Their first checkbook. Um, I better get some of that when I turn 25. The things I could do... the places I could travel...

Anyhoo.

Brian Jr. tells Mei Ling Hwa that Brian Sr. is his father and she freaks the eff out, announcing that she's made her choice and wants a divorce. Brian has a meltdown of his own, confides in Nick (!!), and eventually goes to Mei Ling Hwa for a second chance. She orders both father and son out of the house until she makes her decision. The two Brians go to live with Trip and Letitia in Brian Sr.'s old room. IT'S SO CUTE.

Karen wants Patrick to get Freddie into the exclusive club Patrick's a member of. When he refuses, Karen sweetly asks after his special friend (Carmelita)... "the one with the low voice and the eyeliner". WHAT A GOOD DELIVERY. Karen, I can't like you, I need to hate someone on this show. But God, you were so bomb in this episode. Natalie Zea, you're so cool. I want to be you when I grow up. Anyway, Patrick eventually brings Freddie into the club, and Freddie's welcomed warmly by two members who reminisce about some golf thing Freddie did in the past, yadda yadda, yawn.

Nick has a meeting with Simon Elder, who tells Nick (vaguely) about his past and the role Dutch played in it. Simon and Dutch were apparently good friends... and Simon implies that Trip probably had something to do with Dutch's plane going down. After a very insightful limo-ride, Simon leaves Nick with a "no-strings" option: go work for him and do all the charity work Nick wants to do (but can't, since he's babysitting the Darlings).

As for the twins, they are split over the Natalie Kimpton thing and therefore demand to hold their own birthday parties -- for $2 million... each. Juliet gets the house to hold hers, and Jeremy... gets the Brooklyn Bridge.

Yes, let me repeat that: the Brooklyn Bridge.

Juliet then learns from her friend, Astrid, that a pregnant Natalie had asked Astrid for a tampon the previous week at a club. Seems Natalie ain't so preggo no mo'. Jeremy confronts Natalie about it at his party and she admits that she'd thought she was pregnant, but when it turned out she wasn't she just kept up the story. Jeremy, heartbroken, tells her to stay away from him. And then proceeds to sing "All By Myself" on top of the bridge, a move that causes his party to be broken up by the cops.

Trip and Jeremy have a bit of a tiff over Jeremy being irresponsible with his life, for not being the kind of man Trip wants him to be. Nick tells Trip that he's not being fair to Jeremy, that Jeremy needs to live his own life. At the end of the episode, Jeremy apologizes to Trip and asks him for help in finding a job, which makes daddy so proud and Courtney all teary-eyed.

Letitia was in this episode somewhere, but she cheated on Trip (and therefore Donald Sutherland) for 40 years, so she doesn't count.

But it makes me wonder if the DNA reports show that it's not that one of the Darlings isn't hers, but that Nick may be a Darling....

Verrrrrrry interesting.

AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 2 DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT EPISODE!!!!! Which I won't even see. Thanks a lot, Halloween. You ruined everything.

Blessed Irreverance... Or, the return of the "chester" comics.

2007-10-25T11:44:00.000-04:00

Chester Comics was a series of short, semi-surreal comics about the people at my former college. They were quite the hit, but after I transferred I stopped making them. However, I decided a few weeks ago that I would continue them, only dealing with a much broader playing field, different people and subject matter...

And I bring them to you!

edit: I hate this blog template.

The Day Has Come, and What a Sad Day It Is....

2007-10-22T20:26:00.000-04:00

What day, you might ask? The day I got through about ten minutes of Heroes before I decided it'd be worth my time to make some eggplant parm and doodle.

AKA: I didn't care enough to watch it. The show is just so boring, and these "twists"... I'm passionately ambivalent about it all. Just like tonight. It's on in half an hour, I have an essay to write, and I really couldn't care.

TIM KRING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR YOU TO START GOING DOWNHILL!!! GET RID OF MAYA AND ALEJANDRO, GET HIRO BACK TO THE PRESENT, AND TELL HAYDEN TO STOP FLAT-IRONING HER HAIR AND THEN WE'LL TALK!!!!

In other news, Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series is gay. If anyone didn't see that coming, please exit out of this window and never return. (see below)

I was really surprised J.K. Rowling didn't out Remus, who was gayer than a summer morning. But he's dead and happily reunited with his ex-convict-but-not-really boyfriend in the afterlife. Or something.

...

Anyway, I really want to see Gone, Baby, Gone. Really really. Has anyone seen it yet? Would anyone be willing to go? Not this weekend, I have a slew of Halloween parties to attend, but sometime soon?

SPEAKING OF! My Halloween costume?

I was going to learn how to do a backhand spring, but then I would've been Harley Quinn in a wheelchair.

FOILED AGAIN!

2007-10-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

Oh, for crying out loud. This so figures.

Thanks for dashing all my hopes and dreams, WGA.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21386389/

SPOTLIGHT! And it's on.... Sean Biggerstaff!

2007-10-16T08:17:00.000-04:00

SPOTLIGHT, my newest segment, is about actors or actresses you should really be aware of.

I'm pleased to announce that the first (and foremost!) entry goes to Sean Biggerstaff. For those of you who know me, you know I can never say enough about Cashback or The Winter Guest (although as much as I talk about Sean in that movie, I'm actually saying more about Emma Thompson... but I digress).

I swear to God, the UK feeds their kids some secret drug that makes them superior to everyone else. All the talented actors and actresses come from across the pond. Hey, UK, can you send us some of that stuff over here? We're really lacking (not counting Donald Sutherland, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Spacey. I was going to list Cate Blanchett and Judy Dench, but, oh, they're from the UK, aren't they?).

Anyway, Sean Biggerstaff made himself known to me when I saw the first Harry Potter movie. For those of you still scratching your heads, he played Oliver Wood. And he was quite the commodity in my eyes, because as an American child I was taught only three things about Scotland (his home country):

1. It's the land in which men wear skirts.
2. There's a dinosaur in a lake.
3. Sean Connery created the universe.

So to see someone that young command a five-minute scene with such relaxed confidence and good humor was pleasantly surprising. (But remember that I was thirteen at the time, so it was mostly "OH MY GOD, HE HAS A SCOTTISH ACCENT!" But looking back, I can appreciate the actual acting now.)

I was fortunate enough to stumble upon www.imdb.com a couple of years ago, so one day after re-watching that scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I wandered on over to IMDB to see if Sean had any other films out.

He did. Former fashion photographer-turned-writer-director Sean Ellis put out an Oscar-nominated short called Cashback, which was then made into a feature-length indie film of the same name. Starring... you guessed it! Sean Biggerstaff.

(Sidenote: I can hear the girls giggling over his last name. Yes, it's riotous, great, we're done, moving on.)

I purchased Cashback (for an obscene amount of money... more than $19.99, I can tell you that much) on Amazon.com, because I couldn't find it for the life of me in stores. Apparently Best Buy only caters to huge blockbusters like Pirates of the Caribbean instead of wonderful sleepy films like Cashback. Well, boo to them. Anyway, I watched it one afternoon while straightening my hair. It required a second watch.

And a third. And a fourteenth. Because it was good. I could go into the cinematography and the directing choices, but as great as those were this movie was all about Sean. His portrayal of Ben was genuine. It's what I love most about his acting, of what little I've seen. He has this knack for just sliding into character and making the performance so believable that I have trouble discerning him from the character he's playing. It happened with Oliver, it happened with Tom (The Winter Guest), and it happened with Ben. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, I felt as if I, too, had insomnia and hadn't slept in forever. And I was totally and completely certain that Ben was indeed an artist just coming out of a break-up who was so unsure of what to do with all of his newfound free time (time he would have once spent sleeping) that he joined the graveyard shift at a supermarket.

Whew.

Reader's Digest version: Sean became Ben, inside and out. End of story.

Sean just played the lead in the BBC drama Consenting Adults, all about the life of Jeremy Wolfenden, and is in an upcoming movie, Hippie Hippie Shake, alongside Sienna Miller and Cillian Murphy about counterculturalist Richard Neville's misadventures in London at the end of the 1960s. It sounds like a promising premise. Everyone loves the 60's.

But back to Sean.

I really hope to see more of him sometime soon, and I hear that his stage work is phenomenal. Maybe one day I'll be able to see him in an off-Broadway play, or even on Broadway! Wouldn't that be something?

Sean Biggerstaff has fast become one of my favorite actors, right up there with Donald and Alan. He's just too talented not to be. A lot of people aren't aware of him (until I mention Oliver Wood, and then comes the collective "Ohhhh..."), and they should be. So my advice is to re-watch the Quidditch scenes in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, rent The Winter Guest, buy Cashback, and petition to bring him to American shores so we can see him on stage.

Sean? Here's to you and your illustrious career!

Sidenote 1.5: I wrote him a letter not too long ago. I've become that which I hate: those annoying fangirls. Ugh. Whatever, he's so cool that he deserved it.

Sidenote 2: I won't even lie. I'm in the middle of writing a screenplay, and I'm writing one of the main characters for him. Good thing the Writer's Guild isn't going on strike or this would be a waste of time. Oh, wait...

(+) =

... You guys have no idea what I'm talking about.

Maroon 5 was a bit fushia...

2007-10-16T08:07:00.001-04:00

Well, I have to admit that I'm a bit disappointed in Maroon 5. I saw them last night at the Fleet Center (or whatever they're calling it this week) in Boston, along with 260,000 screaming 14-year olds.

I don't know what it was. Perhaps it was Adam Levine's awkward connections with the crowd, continually making innuendoes about feeling heat and being sexy. The only time I was interested in him speaking was when he introduced the band members.

They did play some of their best hits, but I was disappointed to find that they focused more on songs from Songs About Jane than they did from their new album, It Won't Be Soon Before Long. They never played "Not Falling Apart", which is one of the best songs on the album, nor did they play "Back At Your Door", which is my favorite song off of It Won't Be Soon...

And that 6 minute drum solo? Genesis's drum solo went for 11 minutes longer, and it was a lot better.

Because Genesis is better, but that's another story.

All in all, it was an okay concert. The Hives opened for them and I enjoyed their performance. I've never seen anyone so energetic on stage before, not even when I saw Bon Jovi. But if you have the chance to see Maroon 5, I suppose you can take the opportunity.

And then my mother (my concert buddy) told me that she could've gotten tickets for the Gone Baby Gone premiere (Ben Affleck's new movie), and didn't so we could see Maroon 5. I could've been on the red carpet asking Ben Affleck about his new directing career (which is being lauded by critics) but instead I was at a wonderfully mediocre concert.

Sometimes I wonder if my family members stopped getting oxygen to their brains.

WHATEVER YOU DO, PET THE HORSES!!!

2007-10-15T10:39:00.001-04:00

Two movies in a weekend. Not bad. But today, my gentle snowflakes, I'm here to talk about the most amazing legal drama I've seen in a while: Michael Clayton.

See, whenever I go to see a George Clooney movie, I'm afraid it's just going to be a bunch of "ooh, look at me, I'm good-looking." And as much as George loves mugging for the camera, this movie was really great.

Two of my favorite actors were in this: Tom Wilkinson (AWESOME British actor) and Tilda Swinton (AWESOME British actress). I smell a pattern!

George Clooney stars as Michael Clayton, the "janitor" sent by a major law firm to clean up messes. He's the best at what he does... too bad he doesn't do the whole 'life' thing too well. Between a failed foray into the restaurant business with his alcoholic brother (who got into trouble with the Irish mob, leaving Michael to pay his dues) and a gambling problem, Michael can't find the time to pay attention to his son or take a day off.

He works for Kenner, Bach & Leeder law firm, cleaning up all of the client messes, hit and runs, and handling stories about crooked politicians or "shoplifting housewives".

U-North, the agrochemical company that is being represented by Kenner, Bach & Leeder, is successfully closing a 3 billion-dollar case in which small farm owners filed suit against the company, claiming that the U-North chemicals were hazardous and potentially lethal. The company's brilliant litigator, Arthur Edens (Wilkinson -- MY MAN!), has a breakdown and holds in his possession everything that could sabotage the case, giving the money to the plaintiffs. And U-North's in-house chief counselor, Tilda Swinton (the White Witch from Narnia, kids), is doing everything she can to keep it quiet.

But it falls to Michael to clean it up, and possibly learn things about himself in the process. Like that, yes, we know you have a perfect smile, thanks.

This movie totally had my attention from the get-go. It's incredibly smart and very suspenseful. I took my YiaYia (grandmother in Greek)to see it, and she really enjoyed it. It made her think afterward.

YiaYia: "You know, Courtney, you say that every movie you see is good."
Me: "That's because I don't see bad movies, YiaYia."

I give Michael Clayton a 5 out of 5. You guys should really invest your $10.25 to see it. You won't be disappointed.

ps: Whatever you do, pet the goddamn horses.

OH MY GAHD, WHY IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD?!

2007-10-14T10:42:00.001-04:00

Mysterious deaths, red carpet cat fights, and kick-ass transsexuals -- OH MY!

This show really has everything. I almost wish I was a part of the Darling family, if only because the entertainment factor goes up exponentially when they're around.

Episode 3 of Dirty Sexy Money was really good. Just like episodes 1 and 2.

In this episode, the conflict to be dealt with is one that we've suddenly seen an increase of ever since Paris Hilton made it popular: a sex tape. Nick is charged by Darling family publicist Rebecca Colfax (who's as cutthroat and hilarious as anything) to pay the man ONE MILLION DOLLARS (Austin Powers...? Anyone? No? Darn) who has the tape of Karen with her fianceé's caddy and is threatening to release it onto the internet.

That, and Nick goes to the police with the collection of all of the dealings (legal and illegal) of Simon Elder, which had been in his father's briefcase the day he died. Nick believes that Elder was definitely involved with his father's death. Despite Tripp (♥)'s warnings that the police won't be of any help, the police indeed prove to be useless (quelle surprise), as no one wants to tackle the world's richest man. Tripp pleads with Nick to let him help, but Nick isn't entirely sure that Tripp had nothing to do with the death, either.

Jeremy is going to find himself in hot water soon, involved in a relationship with twin sister's former best friend and now hated rival, Natalie Kimpton. Juliet feels (with her "twintuition") that something is up with her brother, despite his vehement denials. It culminates in a showdown between Juliet and Natalie on the red carpet the night of her brother's senate campaign kick-off. Jeremy sides with his sister in front of all the press, much to Natalie's chagrin, but he makes it up to her by giving her a diamond necklace.

Speaking of Patrick, he made me fume when he broke up with Carmelita, the transgendered woman he's been seeing. She stands up for herself and makes quite an exit. You go, girl! But Patrick laments the loss of her to Nick during a limo ride. ("She made me 30 pairs of underwear with my favorite Yankees on the butts... That's love. What kind of jerk throws that away?")

::melts::

Patrick kicks off his campaign by ending his speech with an epitaph of Nick's, "Tomorrow is another day, of opportunity, of chance." AND THEN HE GETS BACK TOGETHER WITH CARMELITA!!!!

Speaking of:

THAT'S HER!!! Isn't she absolutely gorgeous?! Her name is Candis Cayne, and she's just beautiful. And a great actress, if Dirty Sexy Money is anything to go by. I actually got into a fight on IMDB's message board about her with some Bible-thumping bitch who kept saying that the child Candis and her husband adopted is going to grow up depraved, because Candis isn't a real woman and God hates her.

You can imagine my retort. Just let me say that it was good.

So, back to the sex tape debacle: Nick goes to pay off the man for the sex tape with the million he got from one of the family's MANY vaults full of money, but the man's girlfriend explains that someone made a better offer -- three million. She doesn't know who bought it. It turns out, at the end of the episode, that SIMON ELDER (gasp) bought it, but one of Elder's lackies gives it to Nick with all legal documents and copies.

The lacky warns Nick: "He's not the man you think he is, and neither is your boss."

DUM DUM DUUUUUUM!!!!!

Next episode? LISA GEORGE FINALLY TELLS OFF KAREN! That's right, Karen! You're annoying and Nick doesn't love you anymore. SO BEAT IT!

Words are flowing out....

2007-10-12T22:26:00.000-04:00

.... and they're flowing out because this movie was good.

While I'll admit that director Julie Taymor was a bit self-indulgent, Across the Universe is definitely worth the $10. It's not your typical musical, which makes it all the more real (and better).

The cast was perfect; they worked so well with and off of each other. Especially Jim Sturgess (Jude) and Joe Anderson (Max): best friends if I've ever seen them. Evan Rachel Wood did a wonderful job, and I was also really impressed with Martin Luther McCoy for his JoJo (Jimi Hendrix) and Dana Fuchs, who played the role of Sadie (Janis Joplin). I'd been listening to the soundtrack for about three weeks before seeing the movie, and when I first heard the song "Helter Skelter", I thought Janis had come back from the dead.

However, in a single scene, Eddie Izzard (that's right!) as Mr. Kite stole the show. It was surreal as can be and I absolutely loved it. After taking the course Surrealism and Rebellion with a man sent to earth as a gift (Michael Deragon, my former professor), I felt I could appreciate it a lot more. And appreciate it I did. I was so impressed with the circus scene. I'd see it again just for that.

The songs were great, even Bono's renditions of "I am the Walrus" and "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds". You'd think that ANY cover of ANY Beatles song would be terrible, especially any done by Bono... but these were not terrible in any way. Like I said, I've been listening to the soundtrack non-stop. I highly recommend you get your butt to Amazon.com and buy it. Totally worth it.

There were some issues I had with transitions, but that's purely technical and fades away in the backdrop of a movie I won't soon forget.

I give Across the Universe 4 out of 5.

Grey's Anatomy

2007-10-12T16:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Grey's...

You jumped it. I'm probably done with you.

BRING YOUR GOOD WRITERS BACK.

Love,
R.C.

I was going to review for Dirty Sexy Money...

2007-10-12T12:08:00.000-04:00

... but something happened on the way to the TV.

So, I'm at home, all geared up to watch Dirty Sexy Money before Grey's Anatomy starts at 9pm. My mother was kind enough to tape it for me, so I'm fast forwarding through the tape (which has all her shows on it) and I stop right at the beginning of the newest episode of Bones.

I used to watch Bones sporadically when it was in its first season. And if I happened to be in the room when it was on, I'd watch it. I really enjoyed the chemistry between David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel; they reminded me of Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler from Law & Order: SVU. You were just DYING for them to get together. But I never really made the time for Bones.

NOW I'm wondering what the eff I've been doing!!

Right from the start of the episode (titled: "Death in the Saddle"), I was hooked. Some little kid on a field trip finds a dead body behind some bushes, maggots writhing in and dropping out of its eye sockets. I was like, "EWWWWW...... awesome."

So naturally I need to watch it and find out who did it. Another thing in common with Law & Order.

The body is missing its feet, which are found several, um, feet away. Severed with precision. Also during examination, raw oats and molasses are found in the victim's stomach... horse food. Dr. Brennan, or "Bones" as she's called, researches it and discovers that racing horses are buried separate from their feet. The feet get their own resting spot, as the feet of a horse represent power.

Which leads them to discover what the victim, Ed Milner, had been up to.

He was into "pony play", a sexual role-playing game derived from S&M where the submissive one is dressed up and assumes the identity of a horse, and the dominant one plays the rider, who commands the horse. The "pony" is treated exactly as a horse would be: saddled, bit in the mouth, led around on a lead, given commands, eat from troughs, and are rubbed down and placed into stables. When in the role of a "pony", the man or woman loses their real identity and truly becomes the horse.

The best part? Ed Milner's pony name is "Mr. Ed". I had to pause the tape and crack up for a good two minutes.

Agent Booth, played by David Boreanaz, is less than impressed. He's quick to judge and fly out with the snappy comments -- which I love.

While Booth and Bones investigate the mansion that houses these pony games, Angela Montenegro, an artist who specializes in reconstructing facial features and crime scenes and also Bones's bffl, is trying to undergo hypnosis to remember the name of the man she'd married one drunken night in Tahiti so she can divorce his ass and marry her boyfriend, Dr. Jack Hodgins, THE MOST SNARKY MAN ON THE PLANET AND AFTER MY OWN HEART.

I actually didn't pay much attention to this substory. I was too focused on my jealousy of how pretty Michaela Conlin (Angela) is and how much T.J. Thyne (Hodgins) rocks my skull.

Eric Millegan's Dr. Zack Eddy, the akward and neophyte GENIUS, is so hilariously tragic. He's so awkward. I love him.

Hodgins and Eddy are like the bffl's you see in every sitcom... except together they're COMEDIC GOLD.

"You really suck all the fun out of any moment of personal triumph." Hodgins wins at life.

But anyway, it turns out that Mr. Ed's (tee hee... "A horse is a horse, of course of course") rider, "Annie Oakley", killed him because she'd left her husband for him, but he wasn't prepared to leave his wife (who was divorcing him anyway after finding him in the stable being rubbed down by Annie). So, she buried him like a horse, complete with slamming a hoof knife into his forehead, which is how horses are slaughtered.

Okay, I need a second to get that image out of my head. And possibly take a minute to cry. I hate humans. We should pull a Caligula and elect a horse into the senate. I mean, we've already got a bunch of asses there, anyway.

But I digress...

I think after this smartly funny and interesting episode that I'm going to have to take time to continue watching it.

And don't even get me started on how House is still so cool. I didn't get to finish that episode... Grey's came on.

Conclusion: I STILL didn't get to see Dirty Sexy Money!!!

You like that? Yeah, I thought so.

Five Days, Episode 2..... Thoughts.

2007-10-11T16:58:00.001-04:00

Thoughts on the second part of "Five Days":

1. Wow, Matt. Just attack/walk out on everyone who says the wrong thing. That sort of behavior makes you look really innocent to the press.

2. Kyle's mom, you're the MAN. Sort of.

3. Kyle. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. I have no idea what role you play in this whole thing, but you freak me out and therefore deserve to be arrested. Glad the police agreed with me.

4. ROSIE!!!! Safe... and totally physically unharmed? In your great-grandfather's trailer? Um. Quoi?

5. Dear wannabe journalist whose name I can't remember,

You're a fame-greedy, shameless whore and I hate you. And your mother wore stupid hats.

Not yours,
R.C.

6. PENELOPE WILTON, YOU WIN AT LIFE. "How did I get to be so old?"... your press conference... YOU. Oh my God, you are so awesome, even if you're playing a not-so-good mother. BUT YOU DO IT SO WELL. I LOVED YOU AS BARBARA IN SHAUN OF THE DEAD.

7. Tanya, stop talking. kthx.

8. STOP ENDING ON HORRIBLE CLIFFHANGERS THAT DRIVE ME SLOWLY INSANE WHILE I WAIT FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK TO PASS.

9. I have no idea what you're doing, Sarah Wheeler, but crying in your car after being told to leave the family alone was kind of sketchy. God, I hope you're not some crazy stalker/not planning on stealing Ethan.

10. Iain, you rock. Get down with your camera-shy self.

This show is so good. As a character drama, though. It ain't no Law & Order or CSI.

Proof That God Hates Me.

2007-10-10T20:08:00.000-04:00

Of course when I start writing screenplays the Writer's Guild is threatening to go on strike. And now producers are telling writers that their services are no longer needed.

Did the boat leave and I just wasn't on it?

WTF!!!

Read it here: http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3706514&page=1

Oh, Hollywood. GET IT TOGETHER!

"No One Mourns the Wicked"

2007-10-10T12:21:00.000-04:00

And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I am fortunate enough to have a mother who exceeds the definition of "AMAZING". Not only is she my best friend and loves me unconditionally, but she bought me tickets to see Wicked at the Boston Opera House last night (She also bought me Genesis concert tickets, The Police concert tickets, and Maroon 5 -- which is coming up next week, with a review).

After seeing Wicked for the first time, I can only say this: _______________.

That's right. I have no words.

The play was nothing short of spectacular. I was absolutely riveted... even when my sister spilled her sprite all over my foot. I've never seen anything like Wicked. The special effects were incredible, the costumes were beautiful and brilliant, and the performances? Oh man. I needed a cigarette when all was said and done.

For the ~~unworthy~~ ~~idiots~~ people who don't know, Wicked is the prequel to TheWizard of Oz. We learn how Glinda and Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, got to be who they are. AND OH MY GOD, WHAT A DELIGHTFULLY COMPLEX AND SURPRISING STORY.

I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet, but let's just say that the whole thing about the Wicked Witch being evil...? TOTAL misunderstanding.

Victoria Matlock played Elphaba, and she was fantastic. She was wonderfully sarcastic and sharp, and she conveyed so much emotion into every word she spoke. I was so impressed by her.

But it was Christina DeCicco who stole the show as the self-absorbed and uproarious Glinda ("the 'guh' is silent"). She absolutely glowed. And she was SO. DAMN. FUNNY. Oh my God, she did this hilarious childish falsetto and acted like a spoiled brat through half of the play. Sometimes, you had to wonder if she was on Speed. Christine was the Captain Jack Sparrow of the entire play. Show-stopping and side-splittingly good.

I'm so happy that I got to go. Even though the cast will most likely be different (shame), I'd love to go again. I would have really liked to see Idina Menzel reprise her role as the original Elphaba on Broadway. Oh well.

Wicked is playing in Boston from 09.12.07 -- 11.09.07. I suggest you do whatever it takes to see it. You can get tickets on the Boston Opera House website or Ticket Master.

Note: I was made aware of this a year or two ago. If you're a student, you can present your student ID an hour before whatever show you want to see starts and get in for $25. Your seats might not be great, BUT STOP YOUR BITCHING BECAUSE YOU'RE SEEING THE PLAY.

"Five Days", episode 1

2007-10-10T00:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, you find a show that bowls you over with its awesomeness and you seriously question America and what it's doing wrong.

HBO and the BBC's "Five Days" is that show.

The simple premise given is this: "A mother vanishes into thin air. Her children, abandoned in her car, also end up missing. As police search for clues over three gut-wrenching months, the woman's husband and family learn that nobody's quite what they seem. In the end, five days prove critical in solving the case."

Um, this week on Understatement of the Year, starring HBO's PR people...

I was instantly hooked on Five Days. I'll admit, it was probably the accents that kept me riveted during the first two minutes, but after that it was all the show, which is comprised of never-heard-of actors... or at least to us across the Pond.

The story begins with Leanne Wellings, played by Christine Tremarco, taking two of her three children (the third begging off to stay home) to visit their great-grandfather in the nursing home he's been in. On the way, they see a florist selling flowers out of a rickety old van (creepy part #1). They make a stop to an animal shelter and buy a dog. However, it's the ride back that sets the story into motion. Ending a heated conversation with her husband, Matt, Leanne pulls over to the side of the highway with strict instructions to her children, Ethan, 7; Rosie, 4, to stay in the car and not to move a muscle. She crosses the street and buys flowers for their great-grandfather. But a large truck pulls up, obstructing the children's view of her. When the truck drives away, the van is packed up and Leanne is nowhere to be found. The van then goes the way of the truck, leaving Ethan and Rosie alone.

At this point, I'm like, "........ ohJesusChristonapogostickwhatjusthappened?"

The episode continues with Ethan, Rosie, and the dog leaving the car, Tanya (Leanne's oldest daughter, from another marriage) calling her mother again and again, to know answer, after her great-grandfather fears that something has happened and sends a police officer to check things out. Ethan and Rosie wander, and are soon picked up by a man who works out at the gym their father is an instructor at.

But after night falls and there is still no sign of them, the police become involved and believe they are dealing with a kidnapping.

The episode ends with a woman finding Ethan and the dog hiding in a tool shed on her apartment building's property. And I end the episode with an expletive, because I have to wait another week to see what happens.

Bastards. What a cliffhanger.

I love British TV. I love everything the British do. Total anglophile typing, here. This show, however, is something else. It lacks the camp of favorites such as Doctor Who and Absolutely Fabulous. It's gritty and real and the fact that they use unknown actors endears them to us more, since -- as far as the viewer knows -- they're everyday people, not celebrities.

The pacing is well-done and the dialogue is real. I was particularly affected by David Oyelowo's performance as Matt Wellings, Leanne's husband and the father of Ethan and Rosie, who is continually at odds with Tanya and having employment issues. There was a scene toward the end of the episode where he sits on Ethan's bed and puts his head into his hands. You could feel his despair, his helplessness. I misted up, which doesn't happen too often.

Five Days definitely gets my vote, and my Tuesday nights.

Just what I need, another show to obsess over.

Move Over, Alan Rickman...

2007-10-10T00:01:00.001-04:00

... Because I have a new old man crush!

AN OPEN LETTER TO DONALD SUTHERLAND

Dear Mr. Sutherland,

Why must you insist on being so amazing? I mean, really. You're making other actors feel bad about themselves.

I was clued in to your absolute greatness when I first saw you as Professor Jennings, the pothead professor, in National Lampoon's Animal House. Only you could make smoking pot look cool. And then you made me want to turn to a life of crime after watching Outbreak, because evil-ass corrupt military heroes never looked so good. And then as the kind-hearted Mr. Bennett in the remake of Pride & Prejudice. I then thought to myself, "okay, this man knows what's what."

Um. Yeah. And then along came Tripp.

I'm pretty sure Dirty Sexy Money would burn down without you. Sure, all the actors and actresses more than hold their weight. But let's be realistic: no one has the confidence, the skill, or the experience that you do. I can't imagine anyone else playing the role of Tripp Darling... every time I do, I wake up two days later, bleeding out my ears.

It's not just your confidence, which you exude with a very subtle grace, but it's how laid-back you are. You the character you play. In many new shows, it takes actors and actresses to really tap into their character, to know who exactly they're supposed to be. With you, you were Tripp from the first words you spoke. I'm so totally convinced that you're Tripp Darling that I expect to see you flying one of Tripp's many airplanes or buying some multi-billion dollar hotel or something. I walk away from every episode going, "damn. Now that's acting."

I hope you're taking notes, Lindsay Lohan. Or better yet, don't. This girl doesn't want to see you gracing any silver screens in the near future.

Oh, Donald (may I call you Donald?). If only you weren't old enough to be my grandfather. If only you and I lived within walking range. If only you didn't have a son (old enough to be my father) who could kill me with a napkin or his car during one of his drunk-driving stints.

Our love is forbidden. You'll have to settle for a gift basket.

Or this letter, as I don't know your address and 4-1-1 won't give it to me.

Faithfully yours,
R.C.