Mass Movie Biz?

Well, I must say, my state's better than yours. We were the first to kick tea off a boat. We started a revolution. We had the first shopping mall in the country. We were the first to legalize gay marriage.

And now? We're getting a movie studio, yo.

A formal naval base will be converted into the biggest movie helm in New England, called This Studio Complex. They're planning for 14 sound stages, making it the biggest in MA. It'll take $300 million to build, but I'm sure the movie industry won't care when state tax credits reduce the studio costs by 25%.

I personally think it's a great idea! It'll create tons of new jobs, which will stimulate the economy, and I have plenty of ridiculously talented friends who will hopefully take advantage of this opportunity and maybe use it to sling-shot themselves to stardom. Maybe I'll even submit screenplays. Or hell, act! It'd be fun to act again.

Of course, they're shooting to start building in 2009, but I can't imagine it taking that long. Good things are looming on the horizon!

Contact your representative and tell them you give it a big, hearty HELLZ YEAH!

http://www.mass.gov/?pageID=gov3utilities&sid=Agov3&U=Agov3_contact_us

I can has good moviez?

Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently -- are you getting sick of seeing that?

Yeah. That's how I felt in Vantage Point, which I had the misfortune of seeing this past weekend.

Christ, what a bad movie. I haven't seen a movie this bad since... hm, let me think back... Well, Meet the Spartans was a big black hole of SUCK, but I'd have to say since I was forced to sit through The Neverending Story 3: Escape from Fantasia.

Yes, I hated Vantage Point that much.

The acting was terrible, the story was supposed to be a "puzzle" but was more like a rat that couldn't find the end of a maze and DIED, the car chase was so crazy that it was stupid, the dialog was ridiculous ("I've got you, Mr. President"), there was no resolution to the "plan", and the audience groaned at every different vantage point, of which there were 8. The movie was pretty much swallowed by a plot hole.

I contemplated walking out of the theater several times, but then remembered I'd paid $12.75 to sit in the Director's Hall to see the damn thing.

If you think this review is a bit crap, then it totally fits the movie.

I give Vantage Point 1 out of 5.

if you have the opportunity to see this, don't.

After the Oscar Wars 2008

Well, it looks like Sid Ganis will live to see another day. Daniel Day-Lewis got Best Actor.

And who totally called everything except Best Actress?! Um, this one right here. I'm very happy for the winners, especially Diablo Cody for taking home Best Original Screenplay. You go, girl!


Okay. Time to break down the night:

LIKES

1. Jon Stewart as host: I thought he totally owned it this time around. His first time hosting in 2006 was kind of lackluster, but I'm gonna chock that one up to nerves. He was relaxed and very funny; I especially loved the bit about Cate Blanchett playing the pit bull.

2. Katherine Heigl's gown: I know there were other beautiful gowns on the red carpet, but DAMN. She looked amazing. I want that dress, you have no idea.

3. The Montages: They were very beautiful, especially the In Memoriam one and the 80 Years of Oscars one. Beautifully done.

4. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS WON FOR BEST ACTOR.

5. Amy Adams singing "Happy Working Song": That woman is cute as a button! She was too adorable. I really hope we see more from her.

6. Tilda Swinton's win: Totally wasn't expecting that, but I'm glad she won. Her performance in Michael Clayton was great. And her acceptance speech? WIN. Especially the part about George Clooney wearing the Batman nipple suit under all his clothes and hanging-upside down at lunch.


DISLIKES

1. Jon Stewart as host: As much as I liked his turn as host, I was spoiled by Ellen DeGeneres last year. She truly was an amazing and hilarious host. Nothing will ever top her having Stephen Spielberg take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her Myspace, or vacuuming under everyone's feet.

2. Gary Busey: What the shit was that about?

3. The In Memoriam montage: Um, why wasn't Brad Renfro in there? That was kinda rude. You don't snub dead guys, seriously. Bitch is gonna haunt the Academy members now.

4. Ryan Seacrest: Can't someone shut this guy the fuck up? Seriously. I'm so sick of seeing his smug mug.

5. It was only 4 hours. I'm used to it being 8 and 1/2! You bunch of wimps!


All in all, a very good night. Congrats to all the nominees and the winners.

The Oscar Wars: 2008 Edition

Well, it's that time again! Time for our brave men and women to suit up in Versace, Christian Lacroix, and whatever the hell else they'll be wearing in order to battle it out for the golden statuette!

That's right. It's time for the Academy Awards. Let the bloodshed commence.

I've compiled a list of the nominees, who should win, who will probably win, and why:


BEST PICTURE
1. Michael Clayton
2. Juno
3. No Country for Old Men
4. There Will Be Blood
5. Atonement

None of these films are slouchers. You have the smart legal drama, the sweet indie comedy, the fast-paced and well-written blood bath, and two period pieces. It would be a tough decision, yeah? Not so!

It's going to come down to There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. It's the year of the long titles. Both films are top-notch.

Will Win
No Country for Old Men

Should Win
No Country for Old Men

As much as I loved There Will Be Blood, it ain't happening. Most people found the movie to be a bit dry for their tastes. Well, fuck them. No Country for Old Men, which I've yet to see, has two good reasons it should take the Oscar: Ethan and Joel Coen. Remember Fargo? Yeah. This movie is just as gritty, but perhaps a bit more fast paced and deeper. And Javier Bardem plays a monumentally fucked up dude with a penchant for tire irons. What could be better?


BEST ACTOR
1. George Clooney (for Michael Clayton)
2. Johnny Depp (for Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)
3. Daniel Day-Lewis (for There Will Be Blood)
4. Viggo Mortensen (for Eastern Promises)
5. Tommy Lee Jones (for In the Valley of Elah)

Will Win
Daniel Day-Lewis

There is no "should win" category. Want to know why? See my post on There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day-Lewis's performance was second to none. Although I'd like to see Johnny Depp score an Oscar, because he's weird and scary. But he does it well.


BEST ACTRESS
1. Cate Blanchett (for Elizabeth: The Golden Age)
2. Ellen Page (for Juno)
3. Julie Christie (for Away From Her)
4. Marion Cotillard (for La Mome)
5. Laura Linney (for The Savages)

Will Win
Julie Christie

Should Win
?

This category was a toughie for me, as I only saw one of the films. I don't think Ellen Page deserves an Oscar for her portrayal of Juno in the film of the same name, as good as her performance was. I didn't see Away From Her for personal reasons, as I didn't think I could handle a movie about Alzheimer's after having a family member suffer and die from it. And I never got around to seeing the other three, mostly because two of the movies didn't come to my theater. I hate my theater.

But I hear that Julie Christie was haunting and bittersweet as a woman suffering from one of the worst diseases EVER, who ends up falling in love with a man in her nursing home... while her husband of X amount of years watches helplessly.

I'm getting teary just thinking about it.


BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
1. Tom Wilkinson (for Michael Clayton)
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman (for Charlie Wilson's War)
3. Javier Bardem (for No Country for Old Men)
4. Casey Affleck (for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)
5. Hal Holbrook (for Into the Wild)

Will Win
Javier Bardem

Should Win
Tom Wilkinson

Remember, I haven't seen No Country for Old Men, so I can't judge Sr. Bardem's performance. However, Tom Wilkinson owns in every movie he's ever been in, and Michael Clayton was no different. His portrayal of harried, crazy, paranoid Arthur Edens stood out from the first opening lines to the end of his role in the film. Wilkinson knows what he's doing; the man deserves a reward for that.


BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
1. Cate Blanchett (for I'm Not There)
2. Saoirse Ronan (for Atonement)
3. Amy Ryan (for Gone Baby Gone)
4. Tilda Swinton (for Michael Clayton)
5. Ruby Dee (for American Gangster)

Will Will
?

Should Win
Amy Ryan

I don't know why the hell Saoirse "No One Can Pronounce My First Name" Ronan even made the list. Granted, as a child actress she stood out in Atonement, but she totally wasn't deserving of an Oscar. Cate Blanchett's take on Bob Dylan is supposed to be a performance of our times, but it was Amy Ryan's portrayal of a hard-drinking, drug-addict mother from South Boston in Gone Baby Gone that totally deserves the award. She was gripping, she was authentic, she had a MOUTH on her, and she made me 127% invested in her character and her character's plight.


The others, I'm sure you can guess. The Coen Brothers are totally taking home Best Director and Disney's Ratatouille is taking home Best Animated Film.

Although, this year I'm losing my faith in the Academy, if only because Norbit was nominated for anything.

Hmmm....

Things are awfully quiet over at SeanBiggerstaff.com. Watch out, Sean, because I'll come over with a slew of movies and the fixings for nachos, and we'll play guitar and sing and try on hats and free all the animals in the zoo! We'll make a party out of it.

I hope all's well!

Is it over?

The Writer's Strike may be coming to an end as early as this week! Cross your fingers, guys. Hopefully they'll get the deal they deserve!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23074826/

An Open Letter

Dear In Bruges,

Please, please, PLEASE come to my theater. I need to see Brendon Gleeson be amazing. Right now.


Hugs and kisses,
R.C.

A Bastard in a Basket (the "there will be blood" review)

If Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't get an Oscar for his performance as Daniel Plainview, I'm going to the Academy with a pick-ax.

There Will Be Blood has restored my faith in Hollywood. For a while, at least. It was long, yes, but I never once wondered what time it was or even got up to go to the bathroom (even when my back teeth were practically floating). It moved right along, the plot was interesting, I became emotionally invested in the characters, and the score is now the rightful owner of my soul. As my good friend and fellow film-lover Justin said, "It was a great reminder of how much we take advantage of special effects and crappy acting, and then this movie comes out and it's like, 'oh yeah! That's what a movie is supposed to be!"

Let's start with Daniel as Daniel, shall we? I haven't seen a performance quite like that since Dick Cheney mistook a buddy for a quail. Damn, he was convincing. Daniel, not Cheney. I know that Daniel is very big on method acting and preparation to the point of exhaustion, but jeez, he must have smoked 200 packs an hour and developed cirrhosis and bathed in bacon fat for this role. He was charismatic, he was smooth, he was smart, he loved his son very much and very hard, and he was monumentally fucked-up. And he did it so well. Every moment he was on screen, it was as if Daniel Plainview (who didn't have a plain bone in his body) was a living and breathing man, standing right next to me, sweating whiskey and willing to do anything -- including joining some crazy evangelist church. The end scene alone should have every actor EVER on their knees with their mouths open.

Paul Dano -- the mute kid from Little Miss Sunshine -- has really come into his own. I was thoroughly impressed by his portrayal of craaaaaazy priest Eli. What with the pentecostal 'exorcisms' and the very quiet way he had of manipulating people. The scene with him covered in mud at the dinner table had my heart pounding. His delivery was perfect, just perfect.

The cinematography was fantastic. Every shot held something symbolically for me, especially the shots when dealing with fire and shadow. Every shot was epic. It was like Paul Thomas Anderson was bringing back the glory days of old Hollywood with his establishing shots and points of view.

The dichotomy of power and humanity was fascinating. Daniel's absolute loathing for mankind was an amazing thing to witness, especially when cast against his love for H.W., his foster son. His hatred was palpable, climaxing not once, but twice in this film, both times horrible and yet totally necessary. The religion aspect of it was twisted and delicious and really makes you wonder just what there is to believe in.

I really can't wait for the Academy Awards, to see how this will fare against No Country for Old Men. Daniel'd better win, that's all I can say. Because I'll be watching, Sid Ganis. I'll be watching.

I have a distinct urge to learn the violin now.

I give There Will Be Blood 5 out of 5.

Rumors of my death...

... weren't that far off the mark. I totally forgot I had this. My bad, guys. I hate to let my readers (see: 3) down!


Well, I did end up going to see Meet the Spartans due to a lapse in judgment. It was horrible. I think I laughed twice, both times reluctantly. The crowd (mostly in the 15-18 age range) found it hilarious. I sat there and lamented on the mess that Hollywood has become while checking my phone for the nth time.

But the big movie of the last few weeks for me was Atonement. I was so impressed with this film, mostly with the cinematography and the music. Keira Knightley was beautiful and did a good job, but it was James McAvoy who really stole the show. He was phenomenal, especially when he was dying of Sepsis. And that little Saoirse Ronan or whateverthehell her name is was pretty decent, too. I foresee a big career ahead of her.

But the cinematography... Oooh, I could wax poetic about that for hours. The shots were just gorgeous and the fluid way the scenes melded was amazing. The music, too, the way the typewriter keys became the harsh pounding of drums or footsteps. I LOVE IT.

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to England.


Coming soon is Vantage Point, In Bruges, and The Other Boleyn Girl.

But this weekend, I will be going to see There Will Be Blood, because D-Day is the man and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it. I can't wait!


Also, go out and vote! I voted yesterday; I felt so important for, like, two seconds.

Um. Quoi?

Australian actor Heath Ledger was found dead today (01.22.08) in his New York apartment.


Um.

More to be posted as updates come in.

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

Cate Blanchett won a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for I'm Not There.

I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN! I'm so happy for her.


Click here to see a list of the nominees and the winners!

"We're Back".

Tonight was the first of the two-part premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, and I must say, I'm quite intrigued.

The series completely erases the canon established by the 3rd Terminator movie, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, so forget it ever happened.

In the year 1999, Sarah Conner (the beautiful and talented Lena Headey) and her son, John (played by Thomas Dekker... you'll remember him as Claire's ambiguously gay best friend on Heroes) are constantly on the run. John is now 15 and full of pubescent angst, struggling to come to grips with the life he lives and the life he will someday live as the leader of the human rebellion against the Terminators, cyborgs created by the computer conglomerate, Skynet. Remember all this, kiddies?

A new Terminator is hunting the Conners down, and let me tell you, bitch is crazy. He's not quite the T-1, which -- if you'll remember -- was made out of liquid metal and was so bad ass that I get chills every time I hear someone say, "say... That's a nice bike." Of course, this new Terminator throws a wrench into the whole 'We need to stay quiet and keep running' thing that Sarah has going.

Another Terminator, a good one sent from the future to protect the young John Conner, comes to help in the form of Cameron, played by the ethereal Summer Glau, who made headlines as the psycho genius from the short-lived but amazing show Firefly and its big-screen success, Serenity. Note also that Nathan Fillion were in both. ::drools::

In the first part of the two, Cameron saves them from the crazy Terminator by transporting them into the future: September of 2007. In order to stop Skynet.

O.M.G. This show is like a light at the end of a really long tunnel that was built upon striking writers (whom I'm 110% in support of). With the inkwell of television shows bone dry, Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles is just what we need. In fact, even if the writers weren't on strike, this show would stand out and up with the select few that were fan favorites and just generally good, quality entertainment (ie: Dirty Sexy Money, Heroes, etc.).

Pilots can sometimes be awkward, trying to establish all the characters and their lives, but since the characters are already known and loved it's easy to just jump right in where T2 left off. Lena Headey is a revelation as Sarah, a desperate mother with the world literally riding on her keeping John safe. Summer Glau has grown since playing River Tam, filling the part with the poise and confidence she's known for. Thomas Dekker hasn't had enough time to really delve into John, but I liked him a lot on Heroes so I have no doubt that he'll do just fine. The crazy Terminator I really hope to see more of. He's frightening and creepy and has a great twitch that reminds the viewer that he's a robot, not a human.

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles totally has my viewership! I can't wait for tomorrow to see the second part.

The show will air regularly every Monday night, 9pm, on FOX.

I didn't die!

... Contrary to popular belief. I'm a bit busy, writing a screenplay and all (not to mention school starting up again in a day), but I've been slacking and I wanted to do a Quick, QUICK update on the movies I've seen, think you should see, and what's out and available to rent.


In Theaters

1. Juno - Totally worth your $10. Actually, it's worth $30 so you can see it twice more. While the dialog is very unrealistic (it's like what you wish you'd have said an hour later), it doesn't take away from the movie, and what a decent and charming movie it is. Ellen Page rules. (A)

2. Sweeney Todd - One day, there will be something that Johnny Depp can't do, and it will be a sad day, indeed. Until then, you can see him singing it up in this DARK musical. You know that when he and Tim Burton team up, it's going to be gold. Helena Bonham Carter steals the show, and ALAN RICKMAN SINGS. AND HAS STUBBLE. ::dies:: (A)

3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - I was too distracted by Nicolas Cage's hairline to really pay attention, but it was worse than the first one. Do they follow a formula? Possible treasure + Awkward family secret + Bad guys + Hairline = National Treasure? And Helen Mirren, what are you doing in such drivel? You're a queen, dammit, start picking your roles like one! (C-)


To Rent

1. Waitress - Keri Russell charms (except at the end... bitch is crazy) and Nathan Fillion talks and smiles and eats and exudes sexuality and breathes for all of us to bear witness in Adrienne Shelly's movie. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I had a terrible craving for pie at the end. Adrienne, you were an inspiration to me, especially being a writer-actress-director. You will be sorely missed. (A-)

2. Children of Men - This always makes it onto my 'Must Rent' list, because it's so damn good. Alfonso Cuaron and Clive Owen: it's like the Dream Team of cinema. Dealing with a touchy subject like the only pregnant woman in the entire world? It's I Am Legend, only... you know, good. (A)

3. Live Free or Die Hard - Action, computers, wise-cracks, Bruce Willis one-liners? WHOO! Looks like another Die Hard movie! And guess what? It's better than the second one, so you know it's good! Plus, the Mac Guy's in it and so is the dude from Deadwood. And damn, he's mean. I love it. (B+)

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Harry and his emo are back in the newest addition to the series. Unfortunately, something happened to his hair, so we're left with the fur that some sloth molted. Oh well, can't win them all. Except Imelda Staunton. She totally wins them all. Best villain EVER. (B+)


Coming Soon!

1. El Orfanato - The Spaniards always get horror right. Americans just suck at it. This shit looks scary.

2. Cloverfield - I really need to know what's destroying New York. These teaser trailers are killing me. And no, it's not a lion.

3. Teeth - Vajayjay with teeth. ZOMG.

4. 27 Dresses - I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a decent chick flick. I enjoy Katherine Heigl when she's not whining her way through another episode of Grey's. I loved her in Knocked Up and it looks like she wins again in this upcoming movie about a woman who's been a bridesmaid 27 times.

5. Meet the Spartans - I love a good spoof. Hopefully this lives up to expectations. But anyone who kicks Britney Spears down a bottomless pit is A-OK with me.

6. VANTAGE POINT OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS FREAKING MOVIE SOMEONE GO WATCH THE TRAILER IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!

7. Wall-E. See previous post. ::squeals::

UM, I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW, KTHX.

So, I'm sitting in the movies today, watching the coming attractions when I see the cutest friggin' thing I've ever seen in my life. Seriously. As in, "I squeaked so loud people were probably wondering just how old I was" cute.

Wall*E, Pixar's newest creation, is going to be solid GOLD. I guarantee it.

I really do want one.

The Trailers

The Stupid is Catching (Or "Ouija Boards")

It's become my little sister's newest obsession. I have to hear about it whenever I pick her up from her friend's house. Tonight, in fact, she and her friends talked to a bad spirit who hated their friend, who was absent from the get-together, and knew the girl's mother.

I know. My little sister's 17, by the way. One of the most popular kids in her school.

The standards must've been lowered since I left high school.

Ouija has really made me see that the human race will seriously resort to anything in order to obtain the unobtainable. Talking to the dead is something that we've been trying to do as a society since the first person died and the second person got kind of lonely and hoped they could still carry on a conversation, even though the first person had just been killed to shit by a Sabertooth tiger.

Today, it's a pop culture phenomenon. My sister would stop at nothing until she could have this "supernatural instrument", which naturally led to me driving my ass to the Toys 'R' Us nearest to my college in order to get one. Thank you, Parker Brothers. You bastards.

Listen up, kiddies, because Auntie R.C. is only going to break this down for you once:

1. If the dead really wanted to be talked to, believe you me, they would find a way to "contact" you. Like throwing shit around your house. I don't know, I just watched An American Haunting the other day.

2. If a Ouija board was truly an instrument to be used in getting in touch with the great beyond, it wouldn't be made accessible to the public. Or sold in a Toys 'R' Us.

3. If a ghost was going to use that little needle thing to point to letters, your hands wouldn't be anywhere near it.

4. A "bad" spirit wouldn't tell you it was so, unless he/she was a fucking nimrod in life. Wouldn't a bad spirit thrive on deception and mayhem and what have you? Only an idiot would tell you, up front, that it's probably not the best candidate as far as honesty goes.

5. A Ouija board wouldn't cost $24.99 (see #2)


It's fun for a party, but don't tell me all about contacting some douche bag who called your friend the C-word, a word I hate, and expect me to take you seriously. If it was real, a legit practice, I'd be contacting Dylan Thomas to ask if the cirrhosis was worth it.

GO TEAM VENTURE!!

I love a good satire, don't you? Especially when it comes in the form of a show so smart, so witty, and so reminiscent of the old school Hanna-Barbara shows.

From the genius minds of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim comes The Venture Bros., an animated series about Doctor Venture, a failed scientist fumbling in the footsteps of his genius father, Venture's two idiot sons, Dean and Hank, and their bodyguard, a blood-thirsty government agent named Brock Sampson.

This show is GOLD.

It's always the same formula: good guys + bad guy + conflict = showdown = GOOD GUYS WIN = Cheesy ending dialog + Laughter

Christ, it's like doing FOIL in Algebra.

The Venture Bros. takes this formula and turns it upside down, bringing with it villains that have real problems, razor wit and snark, and a dysfunctional family just trying to get along. The formula is an updated one, packed with plenty of laughs (real ones) and hysterically tragic characters that you can't help but love -- even the villains.

When you're not cracking up over Brock Sampson (voiced by Patrick Warburton)'s complete disregard for human life, or the poor, under-appreciated H.E.L.P.eR robot, or sympathizing with the Monarch's henchmen (who have personalities and bits of back story), you're pitying/laughing with the Venture Brothers and their fumbling attempts to be heroes and please their father, whom is never happy.

The show's animation is fantastic, a hip update of the old ways, and is aided by the old school jazz score (but with a 21st century twist).

The Venture Bros. is a triumph, and I can't wait for Season 3 to come out. Seasons 1 and 2 are available for purchase and I highly recommend them to anyone in need of some quality entertainment.

SPOTLIGHT! And it's on.... Cate Blanchett!

This was a tough one, since I was going to capitulate and do an article on Emma Thompson, my favorite actress in the entire world. But that would have been totally predictable.

Instead, I'm going to focus on the woman who's a very, very close second: Cate Blanchett.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure when I first saw Ms. Blanchett, but I can certainly name a plethora of movies she's been in and tell you how much I love them. Cate has an old Hollywood quality to her, the classic beauty she possesses and the confidant yet sensual way she portrays her characters. Never once have I ever been disappointed in her performance in any movie. She has that innate talent that is instilled in kids from the UK since birth. (See: Sean Biggerstaff's Spotlight Segment)

Although the fact that she's Australian shouldn't throw you any.

I remember watching Elizabeth I and thinking to myself, "Wow. There are no words to describe this woman; they haven't been written yet." Not one moment went by that I didn't 110% believe that she was Elizabeth I, not some actress portraying her. She was cool (like 'ice', not 'awesome'), she was genuine, and she was almost ethereal in her beautiful gowns and her commanding voice. Whenever I read Elizabeth I's Speech to the Troops at Tilbury, I hear Cate's voice resounding through my mind. In fact, I read it in class and tried to inflict Ms. Blanchett's authority into it -- I can tell you right now, even though I was praised for my handling of the piece, I didn't even come close.

Cate has the Midas Touch, without the 'unable to hug or eat anything' thing. Everything she touches is gold. Whether it's playing the impossible part of an Elvin queen (Galadriel from The Lord of the Rings movies), or a harried teacher having an affair with a student (her Oscar-winning role as Sheba Hart from Notes on a Scandal), or even 3-minute cameos in comedies (Jeannie, Nicholas Angel's ex, uncredited in Hot Fuzz), she commands the screen with such aplomb and grace, it's like reading The Faerie Queene. She's Gloriana (which is an interesting coincidence, since Spenser wrote The Faerie Queene in tribute to Elizabeth I, a role played twice by Cate).

I have yet to see The Good German and I'm dying to see I'm Not There, the biography of Bob Dylan, a movie in which Cate's portrayal of Dylan stole the show. Critic Anthony Curtis praised her performance in "The Chronicle of Higher Education" : He especially praised Cate Blanchett. "[H]er performance is a wonder, and not simply because, as Jude Quinn, she inhabits the twitchy, amphetamine-fired Dylan of 1965-66 with unnerving accuracy. Casting a woman in this role reveals a dimension to the acerbic Dylan of this era that has rarely been noted. Even as she perfectly mimics every jitter, sneer, and caustic put-down, Blanchett's translucent skin, delicate fingers, slight build, and pleading eyes all suggest the previously invisible vulnerability and fear that fueled Dylan's lacerating anger. It's hard to imagine that any male actor, or any less-gifted female actor for that matter, could have lent such rich texture to the role."

That's right. Cate Blanchett, in short, is amazing, and one day I can only hope to meet her. Or, in the extreme of my fantasies, write a role fitting enough for her.

Here's to you, Cate. Never stop making movies. NEVER. Show all these "up and coming" wannabes who they're dealing with.

Holy Preggers, Batman!

Now that finals are over, I have an entire month to post as much as I goddamn well please! Aren't you all glad? I thought so.

This weekend will hold much for me in the way of cinema. There's Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton's adaptation of the play to the big-screen, which is bringing in some fantastic praise from critics (who I don't tend to listen to as much anymore ever since they kinda panned The 5th Element, so fuck 'em), Juno, with my girl Ellen Page, National Treasure 2, which I want to see only because I saw and enjoyed the first one, and maybe Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

And despite Gerard Butler being in it, forget P.S., I Love You. There's just something about Hilary Swank that makes me want to take a page out of Eddie Izzard's book and go put babies on spikes.

However, as excited as I am for this sudden burst of cinematic goodness, these movies aren't what's getting everyone all up in arms. How sad is it when some 16-year old crazie goes and gets herself preggo by some kid who looks like he's lived in California all his life, rocking the ganj?

Yes, I'm of course talking about Miss Britney 2.0 Jamie Lynn Spears.

What is with the Spears family? Do they have a genetic predisposition toward the Stupid gene? I don't get why another girl with everything she could ever want -- a highly-rated show, a big fan following, and a bright future -- would just throw it all away for some unsafe sex. At 16.

As my friend Ken says, it boggles the fucking mind.

I really hope Jamie Lynn wakes up one morning, takes a look at her swollen belly, and realizes that she may have ruined the lives of hundreds of young girls who look up to her. The interview she gave to OK! Magazine gives off the impression that it's okay to get pregnant so young, as long as you're up front about it to your parents and the father of the child. Um, wrong message to send to impressionable, young girls. Every time I see a picture of her with a big grin, I want to shake her and ask her if it's sunk in yet just what lies ahead of her.

/end rant

Anyway, kids, listen to your Auntie R.C. and remember: USE A CONDOM. TWO, IF YOU MUST. AND THE PILL. I don't care if your minister says it's against the law of God; God ain't the one building more pews for your spawn to sit in.

Movie reviews this weekend, as well as a new Spotlight article.

"Protection is for pansies!"

I AM LEGEND.

More like, "I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT".

Everyone knows the premise of the film: Robert Neville is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable, and man-made. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and maybe the world. But he is not alone. Mutant victims of the plague -- The Infected -- lurk in the shadows... watching Neville's every move... waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind's last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But he knows he is outnumbered... and quickly running out of time. (Written by Warner Bros. Pictures)

The film is an adaptation of Richard Matheson's 1954 novel of the same name, and the premise rang similarly: Neville is the only survivor of an apocalypse caused by a pandemic of bacteria, the symptoms of which are very similar to vampirism.

I had high hopes for this film, and it did have its good points. The special effects that were used to make New York look post-apocalyptic were phenomenal. Will Smith did an outstanding job as Neville, the last person on earth, and carried the film by himself with great aplomb. And the German Shepherd that played his dog, Sam, should have its own category in the Golden Globes: Best Animal in a Supporting Role.

However, the rest of the film was terrible. It was improbable, it quickly became formulaic at the arrival of two new, unfleshed characters (one which was annoying and the other completely useless), the zombies were something out of a bad video game, and the film never delved into the new psychology of the zombies, which weren't brainless cannibals, but organized -- they even had a leader! Nothing was said on them, even with the one Neville was studying.

The film's ending was disappointing, as were the final words of the voice-over. I walked out once again disenchanted with the movie industry, as well as a screenwriter's ability to transition a story line from novel to film.

My recommendation would be to save your $10 and wait until it comes out to video.

I give I AM LEGEND a 2 out of 5.




On another note, the film came with the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Hell-oh, Ben Barnes! ♥

Girl Talk: not just for females anymore! (Music)

I was getting made up for a photo shoot when my friend, the photographer, asked if we could listen to some music. At my hearty consent, he brought iTunes up and began playing a series of remixed songs that were all set to an incredibly catchy beat. Amazed, I listened carefully and was able to pick out at least 10 songs I knew out of each.

Girl Talk is Pittsburgh mash-up musician Gregg Gillis. He specializes in sample-based remixes, in which he uses at least a dozen elements from different songs to create a "new" song. Seriously. I'll sit there and be like, "THAT'S GENESIS! OMG THAT'S GWEN! AND THAT'S KANSAS! AND THAT'S THE PETSHOP BOYS!"

He plays many shows in clubs, and I almost got to go to one but couldn't due to the FLU. Stupid virus, ruining my life.

Night Ripper is his most recent album, 16 tracks, all amalgamations of rap, pop, old school rock, and grunge. They're amazingly catchy and very fun to work out to. When I was stuck in the Overlook Hotel, I'd listen to them every day on the treadmill. It's a fun album and never gets old, especially when you're constantly discovering the songs in the mixes.

I highly recommend Girl Talk to anyone looking for something bouncy to listen to when exercising, running, or on the highway and in need of something fun.

The Golden Compass: The Review

So, after my mother took me out to dinner I took myself to the nearest Showcase Cinemas and saw the 7:30 showing of The Golden Compass. Going in, I wasn't sure what to expect, having not read the book (I wanted to wait to read it, that way I wouldn't be disappointed).

The movie was okay for the most part. The special effects were decent, but it was the acting that really shined. You know how in some movies, it's the cinematography or the script? This time, it was the acting.

For the six and a half minutes that he was on-screen, Daniel Craig rocked. He commanded everyone's attention, even when he wasn't yelling or giving the Council the 007 Glare. Nicole Kidman came to life for once and put in a stellar performance as Marisa Coulter, the head of the Magisterium, who was simultaneously sweet and poisonous... and had a real douche bag of a monkey for a daemon, or animal spirit. Sam Elliot was a cowboy... literally. He was SO good, what with his drawl and his jack rabbit daemon named Hester and his very shiny gun and his greasy hair and Gregory Peck eyebrow-mustache. Ian McKellen was BOMB as Iorek Byrnison, the armored bear, with his strong voice. Every time he got angry, or spoke, I was like, "bitch is gonna die."

EVA GREEN. I want to be you when I grow up. Why are you so pretty and so talented and pretty?

And last but not least, Dakota Blue Richards. She was fantastic as Lyra Belacqua, the protagonist. This is her breakout role and I do think that after this trilogy is done we shall be seeing more of her. I hope we do. She was the right amount of petulant and sarcastic and brave, never afraid to take charge of a scene, even among veteran actors. She was comfortable and genuine, and reminded me a little of myself when I was younger. You know, running through fields and talking to animals and hanging out with old men and gypsies on dirigibles.

However, as fun and fantastic as the acting was, the movie was terribly rushed. I do know some about author Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series, and even without reading the three books I could tell that his characters lost their nuances and the plot was simplified in order to appease a two-hour limit, which is a shame, because I would have loved to have learned more about the characters and the world. A lot of people complained that it was hard to keep up and that they didn't understand some of it. Understandable. Some things definitely got lost in translation while filming this.

But for an adaptation, it could have been worse. It was okay, although not as well thought out as the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings films.

Go see it, though, if you've got 2 hours to spare and want to see two polar bears kick the ever-loving shit out of each other. And while you're there, kick a Catholic. They're protesting kids going to see this movie because they're afraid the kids will read the books and become atheists. That's right, Catholics, let's not allow our children to read. Have them turn on The Real World, instead.

I give The Golden Compass a 2.5 out of 5.

Bitch is crazy!

REMINDER!

Go see the Atheist movie! It opened today!

Tin Man was... kinda like lead.

Well, I watched the 2-hour premiere of SciFi's new miniseries, Tin Man, which is a darker spin on Frank L. Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

The premise was interesting: Tomboyish D.G., played by Zooey Deschanel (whom I love), gets whisked into the O.Z. (Outer Zone), where evil sorceress Azkadellia (Kathleen Robertson) is searching for the Emerald and will use whatever means to get it. D.G. is accompanied by Glitch, the former advisor to the former queen whose brain was stolen, Raw, a humanoid lion who is empathetic as well as clairvoyant, and Cain, a former "tin man" or police officer whose family was taken from him.

Unfortunately, the premise, save for performances by Alan Cumming as Glitch, was really the only shining point of the program. The special effects were mediocre at best, and the script made me want to gouge my eyes out with a spork.

It makes me sad that this is kind of meh. I love Zooey, and I think she's a fantastic actress. The role of D.G. would have been perfect for her if only the script had been better.

Azkadellia is horribly cliché; she's every wicked sorceress you've ever seen, and aside from being able to suck the life out of people she's not all that terrifying. She really can't walk in the boots she's wearing, either.

I'm going to try and stick with it, because maybe it'll pick up, but I was so unimpressed that this might be finished for me.

Good try, though, SciFi. Maybe next time you'll get a better screenplay.

IT PREMIERES TONIGHT!

SciFi's original new series Tin Man premieres tonight at 9pm.

I can't wait.

Be sure to watch it! I'll post thoughts about it tomorrow!

To those in the northern part of the country....

... I write this letter on your behalf.

Dear God,

It's 19 degrees.

Cut the shit.


Freezing/possibly dying of hypothermia,

R.C.