Mass Movie Biz?

Well, I must say, my state's better than yours. We were the first to kick tea off a boat. We started a revolution. We had the first shopping mall in the country. We were the first to legalize gay marriage.

And now? We're getting a movie studio, yo.

A formal naval base will be converted into the biggest movie helm in New England, called This Studio Complex. They're planning for 14 sound stages, making it the biggest in MA. It'll take $300 million to build, but I'm sure the movie industry won't care when state tax credits reduce the studio costs by 25%.

I personally think it's a great idea! It'll create tons of new jobs, which will stimulate the economy, and I have plenty of ridiculously talented friends who will hopefully take advantage of this opportunity and maybe use it to sling-shot themselves to stardom. Maybe I'll even submit screenplays. Or hell, act! It'd be fun to act again.

Of course, they're shooting to start building in 2009, but I can't imagine it taking that long. Good things are looming on the horizon!

Contact your representative and tell them you give it a big, hearty HELLZ YEAH!



I can has good moviez?

Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently not.
Apparently -- are you getting sick of seeing that?

Yeah. That's how I felt in Vantage Point, which I had the misfortune of seeing this past weekend.

Christ, what a bad movie. I haven't seen a movie this bad since... hm, let me think back... Well, Meet the Spartans was a big black hole of SUCK, but I'd have to say since I was forced to sit through The Neverending Story 3: Escape from Fantasia.

Yes, I hated Vantage Point that much.

The acting was terrible, the story was supposed to be a "puzzle" but was more like a rat that couldn't find the end of a maze and DIED, the car chase was so crazy that it was stupid, the dialog was ridiculous ("I've got you, Mr. President"), there was no resolution to the "plan", and the audience groaned at every different vantage point, of which there were 8. The movie was pretty much swallowed by a plot hole.

I contemplated walking out of the theater several times, but then remembered I'd paid $12.75 to sit in the Director's Hall to see the damn thing.

If you think this review is a bit crap, then it totally fits the movie.

I give Vantage Point 1 out of 5.

if you have the opportunity to see this, don't.


After the Oscar Wars 2008

Well, it looks like Sid Ganis will live to see another day. Daniel Day-Lewis got Best Actor.

And who totally called everything except Best Actress?! Um, this one right here. I'm very happy for the winners, especially Diablo Cody for taking home Best Original Screenplay. You go, girl!

Okay. Time to break down the night:


1. Jon Stewart as host: I thought he totally owned it this time around. His first time hosting in 2006 was kind of lackluster, but I'm gonna chock that one up to nerves. He was relaxed and very funny; I especially loved the bit about Cate Blanchett playing the pit bull.

2. Katherine Heigl's gown: I know there were other beautiful gowns on the red carpet, but DAMN. She looked amazing. I want that dress, you have no idea.

3. The Montages: They were very beautiful, especially the In Memoriam one and the 80 Years of Oscars one. Beautifully done.


5. Amy Adams singing "Happy Working Song": That woman is cute as a button! She was too adorable. I really hope we see more from her.

6. Tilda Swinton's win: Totally wasn't expecting that, but I'm glad she won. Her performance in Michael Clayton was great. And her acceptance speech? WIN. Especially the part about George Clooney wearing the Batman nipple suit under all his clothes and hanging-upside down at lunch.


1. Jon Stewart as host: As much as I liked his turn as host, I was spoiled by Ellen DeGeneres last year. She truly was an amazing and hilarious host. Nothing will ever top her having Stephen Spielberg take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her Myspace, or vacuuming under everyone's feet.

2. Gary Busey: What the shit was that about?

3. The In Memoriam montage: Um, why wasn't Brad Renfro in there? That was kinda rude. You don't snub dead guys, seriously. Bitch is gonna haunt the Academy members now.

4. Ryan Seacrest: Can't someone shut this guy the fuck up? Seriously. I'm so sick of seeing his smug mug.

5. It was only 4 hours. I'm used to it being 8 and 1/2! You bunch of wimps!

All in all, a very good night. Congrats to all the nominees and the winners.


The Oscar Wars: 2008 Edition

Well, it's that time again! Time for our brave men and women to suit up in Versace, Christian Lacroix, and whatever the hell else they'll be wearing in order to battle it out for the golden statuette!

That's right. It's time for the Academy Awards. Let the bloodshed commence.

I've compiled a list of the nominees, who should win, who will probably win, and why:

1. Michael Clayton
2. Juno
3. No Country for Old Men
4. There Will Be Blood
5. Atonement

None of these films are slouchers. You have the smart legal drama, the sweet indie comedy, the fast-paced and well-written blood bath, and two period pieces. It would be a tough decision, yeah? Not so!

It's going to come down to There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. It's the year of the long titles. Both films are top-notch.

Will Win
No Country for Old Men

Should Win
No Country for Old Men

As much as I loved There Will Be Blood, it ain't happening. Most people found the movie to be a bit dry for their tastes. Well, fuck them. No Country for Old Men, which I've yet to see, has two good reasons it should take the Oscar: Ethan and Joel Coen. Remember Fargo? Yeah. This movie is just as gritty, but perhaps a bit more fast paced and deeper. And Javier Bardem plays a monumentally fucked up dude with a penchant for tire irons. What could be better?

1. George Clooney (for Michael Clayton)
2. Johnny Depp (for Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)
3. Daniel Day-Lewis (for There Will Be Blood)
4. Viggo Mortensen (for Eastern Promises)
5. Tommy Lee Jones (for In the Valley of Elah)

Will Win
Daniel Day-Lewis

There is no "should win" category. Want to know why? See my post on There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day-Lewis's performance was second to none. Although I'd like to see Johnny Depp score an Oscar, because he's weird and scary. But he does it well.

1. Cate Blanchett (for Elizabeth: The Golden Age)
2. Ellen Page (for Juno)
3. Julie Christie (for Away From Her)
4. Marion Cotillard (for La Mome)
5. Laura Linney (for The Savages)

Will Win
Julie Christie

Should Win

This category was a toughie for me, as I only saw one of the films. I don't think Ellen Page deserves an Oscar for her portrayal of Juno in the film of the same name, as good as her performance was. I didn't see Away From Her for personal reasons, as I didn't think I could handle a movie about Alzheimer's after having a family member suffer and die from it. And I never got around to seeing the other three, mostly because two of the movies didn't come to my theater. I hate my theater.

But I hear that Julie Christie was haunting and bittersweet as a woman suffering from one of the worst diseases EVER, who ends up falling in love with a man in her nursing home... while her husband of X amount of years watches helplessly.

I'm getting teary just thinking about it.

1. Tom Wilkinson (for Michael Clayton)
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman (for Charlie Wilson's War)
3. Javier Bardem (for No Country for Old Men)
4. Casey Affleck (for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)
5. Hal Holbrook (for Into the Wild)

Will Win
Javier Bardem

Should Win
Tom Wilkinson

Remember, I haven't seen No Country for Old Men, so I can't judge Sr. Bardem's performance. However, Tom Wilkinson owns in every movie he's ever been in, and Michael Clayton was no different. His portrayal of harried, crazy, paranoid Arthur Edens stood out from the first opening lines to the end of his role in the film. Wilkinson knows what he's doing; the man deserves a reward for that.

1. Cate Blanchett (for I'm Not There)
2. Saoirse Ronan (for Atonement)
3. Amy Ryan (for Gone Baby Gone)
4. Tilda Swinton (for Michael Clayton)
5. Ruby Dee (for American Gangster)

Will Will

Should Win
Amy Ryan

I don't know why the hell Saoirse "No One Can Pronounce My First Name" Ronan even made the list. Granted, as a child actress she stood out in Atonement, but she totally wasn't deserving of an Oscar. Cate Blanchett's take on Bob Dylan is supposed to be a performance of our times, but it was Amy Ryan's portrayal of a hard-drinking, drug-addict mother from South Boston in Gone Baby Gone that totally deserves the award. She was gripping, she was authentic, she had a MOUTH on her, and she made me 127% invested in her character and her character's plight.

The others, I'm sure you can guess. The Coen Brothers are totally taking home Best Director and Disney's Ratatouille is taking home Best Animated Film.

Although, this year I'm losing my faith in the Academy, if only because Norbit was nominated for anything.



Things are awfully quiet over at SeanBiggerstaff.com. Watch out, Sean, because I'll come over with a slew of movies and the fixings for nachos, and we'll play guitar and sing and try on hats and free all the animals in the zoo! We'll make a party out of it.

I hope all's well!


Is it over?

The Writer's Strike may be coming to an end as early as this week! Cross your fingers, guys. Hopefully they'll get the deal they deserve!



An Open Letter

Dear In Bruges,

Please, please, PLEASE come to my theater. I need to see Brendon Gleeson be amazing. Right now.

Hugs and kisses,


A Bastard in a Basket (the "there will be blood" review)

If Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't get an Oscar for his performance as Daniel Plainview, I'm going to the Academy with a pick-ax.

There Will Be Blood has restored my faith in Hollywood. For a while, at least. It was long, yes, but I never once wondered what time it was or even got up to go to the bathroom (even when my back teeth were practically floating). It moved right along, the plot was interesting, I became emotionally invested in the characters, and the score is now the rightful owner of my soul. As my good friend and fellow film-lover Justin said, "It was a great reminder of how much we take advantage of special effects and crappy acting, and then this movie comes out and it's like, 'oh yeah! That's what a movie is supposed to be!"

Let's start with Daniel as Daniel, shall we? I haven't seen a performance quite like that since Dick Cheney mistook a buddy for a quail. Damn, he was convincing. Daniel, not Cheney. I know that Daniel is very big on method acting and preparation to the point of exhaustion, but jeez, he must have smoked 200 packs an hour and developed cirrhosis and bathed in bacon fat for this role. He was charismatic, he was smooth, he was smart, he loved his son very much and very hard, and he was monumentally fucked-up. And he did it so well. Every moment he was on screen, it was as if Daniel Plainview (who didn't have a plain bone in his body) was a living and breathing man, standing right next to me, sweating whiskey and willing to do anything -- including joining some crazy evangelist church. The end scene alone should have every actor EVER on their knees with their mouths open.

Paul Dano -- the mute kid from Little Miss Sunshine -- has really come into his own. I was thoroughly impressed by his portrayal of craaaaaazy priest Eli. What with the pentecostal 'exorcisms' and the very quiet way he had of manipulating people. The scene with him covered in mud at the dinner table had my heart pounding. His delivery was perfect, just perfect.

The cinematography was fantastic. Every shot held something symbolically for me, especially the shots when dealing with fire and shadow. Every shot was epic. It was like Paul Thomas Anderson was bringing back the glory days of old Hollywood with his establishing shots and points of view.

The dichotomy of power and humanity was fascinating. Daniel's absolute loathing for mankind was an amazing thing to witness, especially when cast against his love for H.W., his foster son. His hatred was palpable, climaxing not once, but twice in this film, both times horrible and yet totally necessary. The religion aspect of it was twisted and delicious and really makes you wonder just what there is to believe in.

I really can't wait for the Academy Awards, to see how this will fare against No Country for Old Men. Daniel'd better win, that's all I can say. Because I'll be watching, Sid Ganis. I'll be watching.

I have a distinct urge to learn the violin now.

I give There Will Be Blood 5 out of 5.

Rumors of my death...

... weren't that far off the mark. I totally forgot I had this. My bad, guys. I hate to let my readers (see: 3) down!

Well, I did end up going to see Meet the Spartans due to a lapse in judgment. It was horrible. I think I laughed twice, both times reluctantly. The crowd (mostly in the 15-18 age range) found it hilarious. I sat there and lamented on the mess that Hollywood has become while checking my phone for the nth time.

But the big movie of the last few weeks for me was Atonement. I was so impressed with this film, mostly with the cinematography and the music. Keira Knightley was beautiful and did a good job, but it was James McAvoy who really stole the show. He was phenomenal, especially when he was dying of Sepsis. And that little Saoirse Ronan or whateverthehell her name is was pretty decent, too. I foresee a big career ahead of her.

But the cinematography... Oooh, I could wax poetic about that for hours. The shots were just gorgeous and the fluid way the scenes melded was amazing. The music, too, the way the typewriter keys became the harsh pounding of drums or footsteps. I LOVE IT.

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to England.

Coming soon is Vantage Point, In Bruges, and The Other Boleyn Girl.

But this weekend, I will be going to see There Will Be Blood, because D-Day is the man and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it. I can't wait!

Also, go out and vote! I voted yesterday; I felt so important for, like, two seconds.