UGG.

Funny how the name of the boot is synonymous with a sound that conveys disgust.

You see them on the streets, in store windows, on the feet of girls ages 12-23. UGG boots are the new fashion phenomenon sweeping the nation. They are the ubiquitous suede boot lined on the inside with sheep's wool or whateverthefuck it is, coming in an assortment of colors and heights. They can't be worn in the rain or snow, but they can be yours for a bargain at $130!

I think "UGG" means "the end of fashion as we know it".

Those stupid boots drive me crazy. Not because they're warm, not because they're shapeless and tacky as all hell, and not because of the price, but because EVERYONE'S wearing them. When I say everyone, I mean it. My mother has been searching high and low for a pair of UGGs, but no store carries them because they've been on backorder since October. It's now March. Still backordered.

Did I miss something? Did the boat leave and was I just not on it? Did I not get the memo?

What makes these boots so special?

Answer: NOTHING.

UGG boots are stealing the individuality of girls all across the country. They're taking away the freedom to express one's own style. You know how I know this? Because every girl I see now looks the same: they all sport a simple top and sweatpants or jeans, which are tucked into a pair of UGGs. All of them. ALL OF THEM!

These days, having UGGs makes you automatically cool, and that just doesn't fly with me. They've become this status symbol in our society. But not only that, people who don't like UGGs are starting to stereotype the girls who are wearing them, and THAT doesn't fly with me either. These boots are nothing but trouble.

Girls, you aren't Eskimos! And you're not Aborigines! And why the hell are these boots from Australia, anyway? It's a million and one degrees down there! Who wears wool-lined boots in that kind of heat?

Take back your individuality. It won't make you any less cool to wear a pair of sneakers, or flats, or a shirt that says "I Slept With Spongebob" (I own that shirt). Be free to make your own statement.

That goes for you Croc-wearing SOBs. I don't care how comfortable they are, you look like dumb asses.

Rumors of my death...

... weren't that far off the mark. I totally forgot I had this. My bad, guys. I hate to let my readers (see: 3) down!


Well, I did end up going to see Meet the Spartans due to a lapse in judgment. It was horrible. I think I laughed twice, both times reluctantly. The crowd (mostly in the 15-18 age range) found it hilarious. I sat there and lamented on the mess that Hollywood has become while checking my phone for the nth time.

But the big movie of the last few weeks for me was Atonement. I was so impressed with this film, mostly with the cinematography and the music. Keira Knightley was beautiful and did a good job, but it was James McAvoy who really stole the show. He was phenomenal, especially when he was dying of Sepsis. And that little Saoirse Ronan or whateverthehell her name is was pretty decent, too. I foresee a big career ahead of her.

But the cinematography... Oooh, I could wax poetic about that for hours. The shots were just gorgeous and the fluid way the scenes melded was amazing. The music, too, the way the typewriter keys became the harsh pounding of drums or footsteps. I LOVE IT.

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to England.


Coming soon is Vantage Point, In Bruges, and The Other Boleyn Girl.

But this weekend, I will be going to see There Will Be Blood, because D-Day is the man and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it. I can't wait!


Also, go out and vote! I voted yesterday; I felt so important for, like, two seconds.

The Stupid is Catching (Or "Ouija Boards")

It's become my little sister's newest obsession. I have to hear about it whenever I pick her up from her friend's house. Tonight, in fact, she and her friends talked to a bad spirit who hated their friend, who was absent from the get-together, and knew the girl's mother.

I know. My little sister's 17, by the way. One of the most popular kids in her school.

The standards must've been lowered since I left high school.

Ouija has really made me see that the human race will seriously resort to anything in order to obtain the unobtainable. Talking to the dead is something that we've been trying to do as a society since the first person died and the second person got kind of lonely and hoped they could still carry on a conversation, even though the first person had just been killed to shit by a Sabertooth tiger.

Today, it's a pop culture phenomenon. My sister would stop at nothing until she could have this "supernatural instrument", which naturally led to me driving my ass to the Toys 'R' Us nearest to my college in order to get one. Thank you, Parker Brothers. You bastards.

Listen up, kiddies, because Auntie R.C. is only going to break this down for you once:

1. If the dead really wanted to be talked to, believe you me, they would find a way to "contact" you. Like throwing shit around your house. I don't know, I just watched An American Haunting the other day.

2. If a Ouija board was truly an instrument to be used in getting in touch with the great beyond, it wouldn't be made accessible to the public. Or sold in a Toys 'R' Us.

3. If a ghost was going to use that little needle thing to point to letters, your hands wouldn't be anywhere near it.

4. A "bad" spirit wouldn't tell you it was so, unless he/she was a fucking nimrod in life. Wouldn't a bad spirit thrive on deception and mayhem and what have you? Only an idiot would tell you, up front, that it's probably not the best candidate as far as honesty goes.

5. A Ouija board wouldn't cost $24.99 (see #2)


It's fun for a party, but don't tell me all about contacting some douche bag who called your friend the C-word, a word I hate, and expect me to take you seriously. If it was real, a legit practice, I'd be contacting Dylan Thomas to ask if the cirrhosis was worth it.

To those in the northern part of the country....

... I write this letter on your behalf.

Dear God,

It's 19 degrees.

Cut the shit.


Freezing/possibly dying of hypothermia,

R.C.

The Day Has Come, and What a Sad Day It Is....

What day, you might ask? The day I got through about ten minutes of Heroes before I decided it'd be worth my time to make some eggplant parm and doodle.

AKA: I didn't care enough to watch it. The show is just so boring, and these "twists"... I'm passionately ambivalent about it all. Just like tonight. It's on in half an hour, I have an essay to write, and I really couldn't care.

TIM KRING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR YOU TO START GOING DOWNHILL!!! GET RID OF MAYA AND ALEJANDRO, GET HIRO BACK TO THE PRESENT, AND TELL HAYDEN TO STOP FLAT-IRONING HER HAIR AND THEN WE'LL TALK!!!!


In other news, Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series is gay. If anyone didn't see that coming, please exit out of this window and never return. (see below)

I was really surprised J.K. Rowling didn't out Remus, who was gayer than a summer morning. But he's dead and happily reunited with his ex-convict-but-not-really boyfriend in the afterlife. Or something.

...

Anyway, I really want to see Gone, Baby, Gone. Really really. Has anyone seen it yet? Would anyone be willing to go? Not this weekend, I have a slew of Halloween parties to attend, but sometime soon?

SPEAKING OF! My Halloween costume?


I was going to learn how to do a backhand spring, but then I would've been Harley Quinn in a wheelchair.

Proof That God Hates Me.

Of course when I start writing screenplays the Writer's Guild is threatening to go on strike. And now producers are telling writers that their services are no longer needed.

Did the boat leave and I just wasn't on it?

WTF!!!

Read it here: http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3706514&page=1


Oh, Hollywood. GET IT TOGETHER!