It's happening. Oh, it's HAPPENING! Zack is coming!!!

::convulses with joy::

http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/12/04/world-war-z-will-be-a-huge-scale-zombie-movie/

Marc Forster, I don't care if you're a crazy action!movie director who butchered the Bond franchise with Quantum of Solace. I'm willing to overlook that. But if you fuck up this movie, so help me... I'll be on you faster than a mob of zombies after a school bus full of trapped kids.

7 Balls to Rule Them All...

I'll admit it: I was one of those geeky 12-year olds that watched Dragon Ball Z on Toonami every day after school. I mean, come on, who didn't want to shoot light from their hands at that age?

Well, long after the DBZ craze, some idiot decided to make a movie. You know, now that no one gives a shit.

I just watched the teaser trailer. As Perez Hilton would say: SHITEOUS!!

WATCH IT HERE:
http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=dragonballtrl1

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!

Well, I decided to skip 2 1/2 hours of theatrical torture by NOT going to see Sex and the City: The Movie. My mother asked me if I wanted to go with her and her friends. I said that I had some important things to do (ie: watch a plant photosynthesize, stare at the ceiling, putter around in Photoshop, go into Salem and take pictures with Neil Cicirega and company) and told her to have a good time. I knew she wouldn't.

She didn't.

I swear, I think I'm a prophet.

However, there are some fascinating, funny, and horrendous trailers that I've been seeing and I thought I'd take a moment to address a few of them and perhaps encourage my readers (read: 4) to go see some (or not at all).

The Fall (Now In Select Theaters)

The Fall is director Tarsem Singh's second movie, a film that took nearly 6 years to shoot -- on 26 locations in 18 countries. The trailer gives you the story of the frame narrative: in 1921, a little girl (Catinca Untaru) falls and breaks her arm, bringing her to the hospital where she meets a stuntman (Lee Pace, Soldier's Girl, Pushing Daisies) whom had also taken a fall. He tells her a fantastical story and promises to finish it if she does something for him in return: help him to commit suicide. The film looks to be one of the most visually-stimulating I've seen in a very long time and the plot itself is interesting enough. A story in a story. Like Tales From 1001 Nights! Plus, that Catinca Untaru is a little cutie!




The Dark Knight (July 18th)

I did not partake in the "Let's go on a ridiculous scavenger hunt so we can see a trailer that was destroyed by the Joker" thing, so I've been forced to watch the regular one with all the other slobs.

But still. THIS TRAILER. I had been clawing at the walls before the trailer had been released. I'm pretty sure I'm unbearable to live with now that I've had a taste and am being forced to wait for the movie.

The Dark Knight looks much darker than its prequel, Batman Begins, especially with the rise of the Joker. I'm beyond thrilled that Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal (Katie was okay, but I'm a huge fan of Maggie's) and that Aaron Eckhart is playing Harvey Dent. The casting in this little trilogy is perfect. MICHAEL CAINE, PEOPLE!

This movie is going to be ridiculous -- in a good, rip-roaring, deformed clown open-firing on a schoolbus kind of way.




The Love Guru (June 30th)

I try not to look at films objectively. I try to go in, free of any biases I might have, and enjoy it.

But with films like this, I usually just end up trying not to throw up in my mouth.




Tropic Thunder (August 15th)

I cannot convey how much I want to see this film. Just go see it. Robert Downey Jr. plays an Australian actor-turned-Black Man. That alone should be incentive enough.




Mama Mia! (July 18th)

I had to throw in a musical. I know musicals are going to be Hollywood's next big thing (Chicago, Dreamgirls, Sweeney Todd), but I'm going to enjoy this before it gets annoying.

The movie itself looks like it's going to be good-hearted fluff. I'm not expecting anything too deep or dramatic, but I'm going in expecting to have fun. The songs are bouncy and enjoyable (yay ABBA!) and I really like Meryl Streep. Amanda Seyfried looks like a lovely girl and -- shock of shocks -- can act! And sing, apparently! And guess who's also in it, singing and dancing? Dominic Cooper of The History Boys fame!

I can't wait. Unfortunately, the movie will have to wait for me, as I'll be parked in theater #1 for The Dark Knight on July 18th. Maybe the next day.

Cars, Skulls, and Lions -- Oh My!

So, I thought about going to see Speed Racer this weekend, but I was able to watch the first 8 minutes of the movie online and decided to skip it before I became any closer to having a seizure. It was like they let loose 100 six-year olds onto the set with crayons and paint, and told them to go wild.

My eyes...


Anyway, I've been reading some of the reviews for the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and sadly it's not looking good. Some of the reviews make me want to cry, others aren't quite as bad... although they're not good. But since I've had the Indy theme as my ringtone for the last 3 years, the least I can do is ignore Shia LaBouf, squeal over Cate Blanchett's German accent, and form my own opinions on the film.


Remember: May 16th. Prince Caspian. I have half a mind to write to the Disney marketing people about the billboards of Ben Barnes I see when I'm driving. Do you know how distracting they are? I look up, see him, start to drool, and lose control of the car. People have nearly died so the movie can get good publicity. Not cool, Disney. Not cool.

But, er, can I have one of those billboards when you're done? I mean, if you've finished using it and all...


::dies::

Rumors of my death...

... weren't that far off the mark. I totally forgot I had this. My bad, guys. I hate to let my readers (see: 3) down!


Well, I did end up going to see Meet the Spartans due to a lapse in judgment. It was horrible. I think I laughed twice, both times reluctantly. The crowd (mostly in the 15-18 age range) found it hilarious. I sat there and lamented on the mess that Hollywood has become while checking my phone for the nth time.

But the big movie of the last few weeks for me was Atonement. I was so impressed with this film, mostly with the cinematography and the music. Keira Knightley was beautiful and did a good job, but it was James McAvoy who really stole the show. He was phenomenal, especially when he was dying of Sepsis. And that little Saoirse Ronan or whateverthehell her name is was pretty decent, too. I foresee a big career ahead of her.

But the cinematography... Oooh, I could wax poetic about that for hours. The shots were just gorgeous and the fluid way the scenes melded was amazing. The music, too, the way the typewriter keys became the harsh pounding of drums or footsteps. I LOVE IT.

Fuck this shit, I'm moving to England.


Coming soon is Vantage Point, In Bruges, and The Other Boleyn Girl.

But this weekend, I will be going to see There Will Be Blood, because D-Day is the man and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it. I can't wait!


Also, go out and vote! I voted yesterday; I felt so important for, like, two seconds.

I didn't die!

... Contrary to popular belief. I'm a bit busy, writing a screenplay and all (not to mention school starting up again in a day), but I've been slacking and I wanted to do a Quick, QUICK update on the movies I've seen, think you should see, and what's out and available to rent.


In Theaters

1. Juno - Totally worth your $10. Actually, it's worth $30 so you can see it twice more. While the dialog is very unrealistic (it's like what you wish you'd have said an hour later), it doesn't take away from the movie, and what a decent and charming movie it is. Ellen Page rules. (A)

2. Sweeney Todd - One day, there will be something that Johnny Depp can't do, and it will be a sad day, indeed. Until then, you can see him singing it up in this DARK musical. You know that when he and Tim Burton team up, it's going to be gold. Helena Bonham Carter steals the show, and ALAN RICKMAN SINGS. AND HAS STUBBLE. ::dies:: (A)

3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - I was too distracted by Nicolas Cage's hairline to really pay attention, but it was worse than the first one. Do they follow a formula? Possible treasure + Awkward family secret + Bad guys + Hairline = National Treasure? And Helen Mirren, what are you doing in such drivel? You're a queen, dammit, start picking your roles like one! (C-)


To Rent

1. Waitress - Keri Russell charms (except at the end... bitch is crazy) and Nathan Fillion talks and smiles and eats and exudes sexuality and breathes for all of us to bear witness in Adrienne Shelly's movie. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I had a terrible craving for pie at the end. Adrienne, you were an inspiration to me, especially being a writer-actress-director. You will be sorely missed. (A-)

2. Children of Men - This always makes it onto my 'Must Rent' list, because it's so damn good. Alfonso Cuaron and Clive Owen: it's like the Dream Team of cinema. Dealing with a touchy subject like the only pregnant woman in the entire world? It's I Am Legend, only... you know, good. (A)

3. Live Free or Die Hard - Action, computers, wise-cracks, Bruce Willis one-liners? WHOO! Looks like another Die Hard movie! And guess what? It's better than the second one, so you know it's good! Plus, the Mac Guy's in it and so is the dude from Deadwood. And damn, he's mean. I love it. (B+)

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Harry and his emo are back in the newest addition to the series. Unfortunately, something happened to his hair, so we're left with the fur that some sloth molted. Oh well, can't win them all. Except Imelda Staunton. She totally wins them all. Best villain EVER. (B+)


Coming Soon!

1. El Orfanato - The Spaniards always get horror right. Americans just suck at it. This shit looks scary.

2. Cloverfield - I really need to know what's destroying New York. These teaser trailers are killing me. And no, it's not a lion.

3. Teeth - Vajayjay with teeth. ZOMG.

4. 27 Dresses - I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a decent chick flick. I enjoy Katherine Heigl when she's not whining her way through another episode of Grey's. I loved her in Knocked Up and it looks like she wins again in this upcoming movie about a woman who's been a bridesmaid 27 times.

5. Meet the Spartans - I love a good spoof. Hopefully this lives up to expectations. But anyone who kicks Britney Spears down a bottomless pit is A-OK with me.

6. VANTAGE POINT OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS FREAKING MOVIE SOMEONE GO WATCH THE TRAILER IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!

7. Wall-E. See previous post. ::squeals::

UM, I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW, KTHX.

So, I'm sitting in the movies today, watching the coming attractions when I see the cutest friggin' thing I've ever seen in my life. Seriously. As in, "I squeaked so loud people were probably wondering just how old I was" cute.

Wall*E, Pixar's newest creation, is going to be solid GOLD. I guarantee it.

I really do want one.

The Trailers